Lates report on Mom

My Brother Dale came into town last Friday. He had his last radiation treatment Friday Morning.He met with Mom's Doctors Saturday Morning and they told him what Mom's future looked like if they continued with the treatments so he needed to make a decision about turning off the respirator and stop all treatments except Morphine and hydrating fluids. He made the decision after they told him there was NO HOPE AT ALL THAT MOM WOULD EVER WAKE UP.
We all gathered at her bed side to say good bye Sunday Morning.  
Dale arranged for me to have some time alone to spend a few quiet moments with her. I hadn't planned on going back to the hospital, but two very dear friends gave me some very good advice that I might regret not going. They were so right. I thank both of them with all my heart.

The Doctors have no idea how long Mom's heart can continue to work. It''s so strong. I am praying it will be over soon. I know this must sound awful, but the part that made Mom, Mom is completely gone. This is the one thing that she feared, being caught in limbo. That was how she put it.

At this time I am not doing that great. My thinking is clouded and I am having trouble putting thoughts together. I have conversations, and have no idea what I am saying. The pain level is high, I have been on Cymbalta for a week and I know it takes two to three weeks to start working if it is going to work. My eyes are messing up and I am just a plain mess.
On the other hand I know that with Prayer and Time I will start to accept this loss, I know the Lord has been and will continue to watch over me. I also Know Mom is in his hands.
My Three sisters aren't doing very well especially my older sister. She was the one who told Mom to put her in charge and she is the one who withdrew the original DNR and told the Hospital Staff to do what ever it took to keep her alive. She is feeling guilty and I have told her no one knows how they will react in these situations, ( A told me wise friend told me this), That she did what she thought was best and she said that she had just panicked.. and now Mom is lingering. My Brother isn't sure of his decision either. I see them both suffering for different reason and am at a loss of how to help them.
I know I have been leaning on all of you so much, and you really want me to do that, I thank you all so much for all the love and support you have given me. Now I am asking you to please Pray for my Brother and Sister for them to realize that it is God's will being done not theirs. I am not about to start questioning Him now.. Also please Pray for Mom to be able complete her journey on earth and go into the light... She has suffered far too long,
I'll post again when it is finally over.. I am sorry it took me so long to post this, but know all of you understand..
Sending each of you my Love, Hugs and Prayers....{{{{{{~!~}}}}}}} DJ

[Janette2836]

DJ
I will pray for all of you - especially for your brother & sister as you asked.  I will say extra prayers for you my friend - even though you know where mom is going it is still hard to say goodbye.  I am glad that you had that time alone with her.

Take care my friend & catch the hugs being sent your way as well.

Janette

[Sarahsmom46]

This is an incredibly difficult time for all of you.  You are all doing the best you know how to do right now.  None of us can ever imagine how we would handle making so many decisions for our loved ones unti we have to go through it.

I hope and pray that the doctors are keeping your dear mother out of pain and that her eventual passing will be a peaceful transition.  You all stick together right now and be there for each other and surely you will make it through this together.

We are here for you DJ in any way you need us.

Lots of love and hugs,

Julie

[Charley123]

There is no 'one' way to deal with a loved one's passing.  I'm so happy you had the chance to be with your mother and how wonderful for her too.  I pray that your family can release the guilt and realize that they are being kind to your mother in that helping her to pass in this way is one of the most loving acts that one can do.  Love and hugs to all of you, Charley.

[saveone]

DJ I fully understand when you say what made mom, mom is no longer there.  The body is just a shell we occupy until we have completed our journey.  The thing that makes us uniquely us can move on long before the body does.

I hope it brings you some peace to know that the body in the hospital is not your mom.  it is just her earthly representation.

I will pray for your brother and sister.  I understand their pain also.  I was with my parent when he had a heart attack.  I stood by and allowed them to resuscitate him.  Looking back I realize it was for me not for him that I allowed it to happen.  He spent the next three years on and off in the hospital, dying a slow death.  I often felt guilty for that, esp after I realized he would have to go through the dying process again.

You are a strong woman, but please during this time be sure to take care of yourself.  I am sure it is what your mom would want.

Sending you hugs and prayers, terry

[HVAC]

DJ I am so sorry. Grief for me is cumilative. I tend grieve not just the loss of the current loved one but everyone else. I only have a brother left. Take extra care of yourself.
I am praying for you.
Alex

[LLWB]

There rally are no words to express what you are going thru at this time. My Dad did the same thing for my mom, allowing them to hook her up to all the machinery when there was no chance of recovery. She had advanced Alzheimers as well as major complications. They wanted to operate for an obstructed bowel. Thankfully my brother was strong enough to talk to Dad, and they removed everything (she also had DNR and living will saying NO measures, including even IV's). They moved her to a nursing home. Unfortunatly she lingered for 3 more months. I am praying your Mom will pass swiftly, and that you and your brother and sister will be at peace, knowing your Mom will be pain free, and with our Lord soon.

Bless you
Maggie

[Fluffysmom]

Lean on us all you want; you've always been there for us and we are honored to return the favor.

I will include your brother and sister in my prayers, as well as continued prayers for your mom's peaceful passing, and you finding comfort and peace.  Let the joy of your new great granddaughter shine in your heart.

Much love,

Kathy

[Mand125]

Dear DJ
What a difficult time this is for you and your family. You are in my thoughts.

Things will eventually get better and your faith will see you through.

Please take care of yourself.

Love Mand
XX

[mokibear]

You know my prayers are with you, your Mom and your brother and sister. This is a difficult time for you DJ and I do understand how you are feeling. Lean on your forum family to help you through this all. I pray for a quick passing for your Mom as I do my own.

Hugs
Moki

[doni54]

You, and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers DJ.  I am so very sorry that you are going through this, it is just devastating to lose our mothers.

Please take care of yourself, and know that everyone here loves you and are praying for you.

Love & Hugs,
doni