I have learned today for the very first time, how limited my fine motor coordination is. The ordeal started with me attempting to unscrew a screw from a pair of reading glasses, taking me HOURS to place the edge of the screwdriver into that tiny little line. Then it was the turning and pinching while turning scenario which made me drop the screwdriver over and over again. I have punctured my opposite hand's fingers multiple times bleeding like no tomorrow.
I sat there and cried.
Once I removed the screws I had to place the new parts back on. I dropped the tiny screws 1000 times, pinching is not a coordinated act for me anymore. Tremors...forget it. To aim the screwdriver's tip to the inset is a different story altogether (which is why my other fingers got stabbed).
I now realize that I do NOT have fine motor coordination that I once had.
I also realize that with my "prescribed" glasses that now my right eye is blurry again (with the glasses on!). My left is fine but not the right.
I just recently got my BLS (CPR certification) to attempt to find a job that I will be able to do. After today's scenario, I wonder if my train of thought of returning back to what I used to do is a smart idea.
Am I making any sense? I hope so. If not, give me an eye roll and move along to the next post.
I am not diagnosed with anything, still going through workups and tests.
My coordination is awful. I can't put on a necklace because of the small clasp. I constantly drop water bottle lids. Anything small that involves detail, forget it.
I started working where I am when I was 23 and have right at 24 years of service. With my accumulated leave, I am hoping to hold on until I have my 30 years. I am getting ready to turn 47 and have noticed a big reductionin wwhat information I can retain and enough of a lack ofcoordination that ssomeone joked thatI "had one too mmany at lunch," which I most certainly did no !
I just wanted to say that I get it, regardless of whether I end up having MS orssomething else.
When I went through my worst flare-up about two years ago, I lost most of the dexterity in my left hand. I used to play guitar, and haven't played since, although I have gotten some the dexterity back. I notice when I would try to use small hand tolls like nail clippers that I couldn't control my hand. Even holding something still to hand sew was difficult, I ended up having to hold it hard against my body which didn't always work.
I had several months of physical therapy to get the strength back in the left side of my body. I got to do "fun" stuff like exercises with clay/play-doh and fish tiny-objects out of rice. My left leg was so weak that I struggled to left a 1 pound weight. I still have trouble with my left hand, but it is more intermittent. That even might make it a little more frustrating because I never know when it is going to give me trouble.
Sometimes I think that I am more frustrated with having trouble with my hands than my legs because I have found it more troublesome to not be able to use both of my hands than to have my leg be weak. I can at least still walk with a limp.
Yeah, I think most of us can probably relate. In my experience, the people I find on this forum are those whose pasts include significant achievements, noteworthy abilities, and/or substantial intellect, stamina, or ambition. We do the best we can do to mask and to muddle through, but we have our moments of uninvited transparency when it seems all we can do is mourn what now seems lost.
For me, it helps to remind myself that this world and all that is in it are passing away, but that there are things we do not see, which things are eternal. Faith will become sight, hope will be fulfilled, but love is forever. My body and its' strengths and weaknesses are temporary, and for that I am truly thankful.
(If you only knew how long it took me to tyoe this...)
((((Lisa)))), I'm sorry you're going through this! I'm glad you got your BLS, though - at least that deals with larger muscle groups and coordination! ;) Maybe look at research or designing reasearch studies? You're an RN, right? At least this branch (research) doesn't deal with the fine motor work of inserting a syringe into an IV line, or the energy sapping work of lifting patients, etc. Just a thought...
Anyway, I hope this was only temporary. Hugs to you.
Oh Lisa, I know exactly what you are going through. I am so sorry that you had that very frustrating experience. I have lost most of my fine motor skills in my left hand since my first major attack 30 years ago. Luckily for me, I am right handed so I can still do most things, like write. to be honest, over the years, I tend to only use my right hand for most things. I only keyboard and text with my right hand. Ther are unfortunately things that I can no longer do such as sew. I have had tto learn how to make modifications to compensate to still do some difficult tasks such as cooking. It is very frustrating, but like everything else, it has become my new normal. I guess that is what having MS for so long has taught me.... You need to adapt to stay in the game!
Keep the faith Lisa!
You are not to apologize for "whining"!!! We get it and don't consider it whining! That's what this forum is for.
And I remember the first time it took a spoonful of soup and need TWO hands to do it!
I can still write fine - but have entirely changed the way I write. It's now more of a printing w/ a few script letters and odd flourishes added in. I not longer even hardly pay attention to my signature. Just scribble something on the line.
And sometimes it is better than others, of course !
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