Low self esteem

[debgen]

I am embarrassed to admit this, but lately I am feeling more and more disabled. I have a great deal of dificulty walking independently outside of my home. I have tried using a cane but I feel very unbalanced when I use it. I finally broke down and ordered a Rollator. It arrived yesterday and I can finally walk independently! I realize that this is truly good news but I am very self-conscious and feel like a little old lady :( I know I should be grateful, but I am feeling depressed. I know that I have low self-esteem. Am I the only one who is having trouble dealing with issues like this?

Thanks for listening!

Deb

[supermum_ms]

ROFL now dont eat the whole chocolate cake and once your done with the feel good foods, get out there and terrorise the nebourhood creepy crawlies with your wheels. You've got to do something to burn off those extra few trillion calories you've just put on your butt :o

cheers........JJ

[debgen]

Thsnks so much! Everybody is being so helpful! I am really appreciating all the positive energy! I will really try to reset my self esteem issues and have some chocolate cake AND ice cream!
Hugs,
Deb :)

[Lulu54]

I can so identify with what you are feeling. PT and OT just fitted me with my boot shoe, a walker on wheels and an assist toilet.  Talk about old people equipment!  I was just fitted with the trifecta of durable medical goods.  

But they are all necessary to keep me safe and secure.  As I leave the hospital I imagine a few people may look my way, but I doubt if many will give me a second glance.  So many people these days might need an Assistive device but that doesn't stop them from going out and enjoying life.

I guess we have to make an extra stop on the way home - the auto store for flames!

You have great advice from the others here, I hope something resonates with yu. Hugs, lulu

[zoefromsussex]

Hi Deb,
I was just reading everybody's responses and think they're spot-on! Just wanted to say I think those feelings are totally natural and I don't think you should feel embarrassed. It can be hard to even admit you need extra help so I admire you for going for it and getting the walker. At least you'll be able to walk independantly now. This disease kind of does affect your self esteem because it chips away at the abilities we take for granted but I think you'll get used to your new way of walking just as you've probably had to accept so many other things along the way.
Chin up x

[supermum_ms]

Dont know if it helps any but my ML is in her 80's and she refuses to use her rollator because it makes her look like a little old lady, ummm she still is a little old lady with or with out the rollator but apparently thats not the point. lol

Promise its not just a you thing and age has nothing to do with it, lets face it, those things are butt ugly contraptions that no one would use, if they didn't have too. I have a love hate relationship with mine, I dont hate it because i need it sometimes, I hate it cause its uglier than a pair of sensible brown school shoes. lol why are they so not sleek and sexy?

A good tip to help reset this type of esteem probs, is to sit and watch the crowd, look for people with mobility issues so they are using canes, rollators etc and then look at all the people around them. Notice what those people are seeing and you'll find that no one is looking at the mobility issue people any differently than anyone else, thats if they see them at all.

99.99% of people just dont see your issues because they dont know you from Adam, they dont even want to know you and you dont really see them either and i'm sure you don't really care what they thought of you anyway. So the only people who will notice and wonder about your using a rollator, are really a scant few and wouldn't those people more likely be supportive and not critical of you using it?

So if you think about it, the only person that is thinking in the negative is your little wobbly self. Its ok to have a love hate relationship with anything that makes you feel differently but seriously now, i'm sure you wouldn't feel differently about someone else having to use mobility aides. So please dont start being like that with your self, you do deserve the same standards you apply to others :-)

Be kind to your self, lol eat chocolate cake or ice cream and do what ever works for you, be it wheels or cane but still just do it!

Cheers...........JJ

said she who walks like a string puppet so 'looks' more normal with aids than without lol  

  

[debgen]

Hi Alex, Ren &Tammy,
Thank you so much for your support! Everything you said was very helpful and I will try to embrace your ideas!
Hugs to all,
Deb

[maxthecat43]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.  I guess it's hard to tell where the depression/low self esteem started- but in a way, that doesn't matter does it.  You still have to try to live with it.  Depression is a common symptom in MS.  Some think it's caused by some of the meds, some think it comes from chronic pain, and I've read where some think it's a direct result of demyelination.  Still others feel that it may rise from grieving over your lost "good health".  I don't know who is right, or even if perhaps they all are.  All I can do is hope that you start to feel better.

What I do know is this (and I should really take my own advice):  MS is not something you chose.  The effects are often difficult for us to manage, but it's not your fault- and you shouldn't feel guilty or bad about it.  I have a rollator too.  I use it in addition to my forearm crutches- depending upon how bad my balance is at the time.  I agree, it feels odd to walk around with it (I'm in my early forties)- but it's not my fault.  Just like it's not your fault.  It's just a part of our lives now.

I personally feel like your are a victor in this battle.  Instead of lying down and surrendering- you purchased a device that will allow you to be mobile.  You haven't given up- and that is a very admirable trait indeed!!!

(((HUGS))),
Tammy

[rendean]

Hi Deb,

I can totally relate to the "little old lady" feeling with the rollator. Despite it's appearance and society's notion and lableing, it's an awesome feeling when that indpendence returns!!!

I am being to see more and more  rollators in public. I guess their ease of use had usefullness has enabled many more people to be self-reliant.

As for the low self-esteem involved with the rollator, it will pass. It took a while for me to be comfortable with it in public but it gets easier every time. My DH wants to put flames on mine but I think I want floral decals.

BTW, HVAC (Alex) gave me a tip that the decals are cheaper at the auto repair shop wher she got her flames.

Hang in there and take one day at a time,some days one hour at a time or one minute at a time. We are always here to listen and support you.

You may also PM (private message) me or another member if you would prefer.

Take care of yourself and know so many of us have been where you are and we worked on it and made it through, a lot of times from the forum.

Warmly,
Ren

[HVAC]

Well my motto is embrace it. My crutches have flame stickers from an auto parts store. My new exercise is to say not that everyone is looking at me and my crutches but I have the thought everyone is looking at me and my crutches. It takes the power away from it. May be they are may be they are not.

I say the wrong thing or can't talk write? It is what it is. The earth will not come to a halt. If people laugh I laugh with them.

I have had MS symptoms for over 47 years and have been judged stupid, crazy, and lazy. People have laughed at all my cognitive difficulties, lack of balance, double vision, etc. I laugh with them. Now as I lose more and more use of my arms and legs I just do not care. I concentrate on sounds around me to bring me back to the here and now and out of my own head. My head is a dangerous neighborhood for me to hang around in.

Alex