Just when I have figured out that I could no longer fool my family into thinking I'm okay and I did manage to do that for a long time, you come along and make me wonder if maybe I can't fool you on the internet. lol What's the world coming to?haha
Heather my friend you are one of the sweetest angels I have ever met, so I will give you an honest answer.
I don't know how I am. Right now I just feel very detached from everything. I go through the motions but I don't feel like I'm really there. I hope that makes sense. My job can be stressful and of course this week had to be one of those stressful times. 3 girls went awol on Monday when I was working, although they did tell me before they left that of all the staff, they were sorry they were doing it on my shift. (not sure if that was supposed to make me feel better) Anyways they are 16 so I can't stop them. Called the cops and then had to deal with the parents. Then another girl wanted to awol all this week but I managed to convince her not too. So I get home and am so exhausted I can't think. I still wonder if my own concerns prevented me from doing more for the other 3 girls.
I guess with all this going on I haven't really had time to figure out where I am. My spasms in my legs are still going on daily from last week and the midsection spasms that started this week are still there. Still feels like I've done too many sit ups and I don't do sit ups!!!!! It's weird though, it's not too bad through the day but late afternoon and evening it gets worse.
I had a bit of a scare today driving home from work. We had some bad weather today with high winds and snow. I was going through a white out which is hard enough to do when you have good eye sight, but all of a sudden I could see all the dark shadows in my left eye and found I have a lot more floater in my right than I knew. By the time I got through the white out I was almost sick. Trying to see with all that other stuff was awful. I really thought I was going to end up in the ditch. So I'm really down now because my eye doc said there is nothing more he can do and that I need to see a neuro and my doc won't send me to one and if I tell my doc about today, all he will do is take my license. I don't want to go to the hospital either as there is not much they can do for me and I just feel that the er is for emergencies.
Sorry I'm rambling. I'm off work now for the rest of the week so maybe I'll have time to try to figure out where I am. I just don't understand why I keep coming up against brick walls when it comes to the medical profession. I know so many on here are or have gone through the same thing and I try to stay positive but just when I thought I got my fight back and was actually getting somewhere, someone comes along to take the wind out of my sails.
I'm numb right now Heather and I don't know if that is good or bad. But one thing I do know is how blessed I am to have found this site. If it weren't for you and all the wonderful people on here I think I would be wearing a white jacket!!! (could start a new fashion statement haha)
Thanks for caring and big (((((HUG)))) right back at you
I hope you don't mind if I jump in here. I'm just so concerned about you. Have you made any progress in finding new docs?
As to pulling your license, do you mean your driver's license? I know that would be a hardship, but driving in a snowstorm is scary for people with GOOD vision, let alone what you're going through. So could you possibly rethink this issue? I don't know about the driving laws in Canada or whether you could get your license back once you're past this phase.
I do so sympathize with you in your struggle to get decent medical care. It makes me think our crazy US system isn't so bad after all.
It's ok, jump in anytime. I appreciate your concern ess. As to new docs, I have a name for a new GP but he is away this week. (go figure lol) My mom is going to call him for me next week as I will be working. If he'll take me then I'll go to him and see if he'll send me to a new neuro. I'm going to write the MS neuro and send him my last MRI results and see if he can explain to me why the MRI's he did show only UBO's and this one done somewhere else shows 8 lesions. (think he'll be impressed haha)
Yes I did mean drivers license. Sorry, pretty tired tonight. Can't hardly type either, keep going back and fixing spelling, so if I miss something, forgive me. I normally don't drive when its that bad, but Rob was sick this morning and couldn't drive me in. It was good out this morning too. It was the white background from the snow that made me see everything. I see it too when I look at creamed colored or white walls, just not as bad as this was. I forgot to mention I had flashing lights in my right eye too during all that. The problem of telling the jackass about what happened is that he won't send me to anyone for it, so there is no point in telling him. I wouldn't mind if they pulled my license but then find out why!!!! I promise I won't be driving again in that. I'll stay at work if I have to first. It scared the kajeebers out of me.
As for the medical care, the problem is that the government pays for a lot of our testing and doctors. This is a good thing for those that are poor, but when it comes to issues like this, it makes it really hard to try to demand anything. The doctors forget that it is my tax dollars that is paying them.
Thanks again for jumping in ess and for your concern.
I hope that I have not started a nickname that you get stuck with. Believe me, when I nickname someone, it is really terms of endearment. So please accept it as friendship. If you prefer, I will go back to calling you Moki. It seems that I connected with you and the things that you are going through, so it's like "Mok" is a way to show you I care... Now I have confused myself...hope you know what I mean.
Anyway, to this sight problem. Moki this scares the heck out of me. This has happened to me also and it's one of the scariest things that I have been through. It worries me also, that you are under so much stress at work. This is not helping anything. But you already know that.
I know what it's like to have the fear of losing your license. I don't think that is going to happen, but if you have any more "spells," I hope that you will contact a doctor. Your eyesight is too precious. It may just mean that you are flairing up due to stress and it was a fleeting thing. But nothing to fool around with.
I am glad that you have the next few days off. You need them to rest up adn recoop. You really need it.
I had a period last week, where I went totally blind for about 3-4 seconds. I mean black. It was the scariest thing, as you already know. Since I had a Neuro appointment last week, I told her about it. She said if I had any more spells to call her immediately. It may or may not be from the MS.
Mok, if you do have MS, it would not be unusual to hear that you are now in a flair-up. People with MS seems to complain about flair-ups during seasonal changes. I do not know why that happens, but that's the way it has been with me for 12 years now. So I believe that it's true.
I knew when I posted my concern, that something was "up" with you. I could "feel" it. Now that I know you are aren't feeling well, I will give you the mother speech....get some rest and relaxation (if that's possible) over the next few days. If this kind of tread continues in your health, you have to get into to see a doctor and soon. You already know that.
Please keep us posted on your progress and how you feel after getting a few days rest. Please? And thank you for posting to let me know how you are doing. We all care so much.
Be well and chin up......You are not alone. Big ((((HUGS)))))
I am so sorry you have been going thru so much lately, especially with drs. I always try to keep up with you even though I don't post very much. I know it has to be very depressing to have to continually deal with unprofessional drs and not get the answers you need. I will say extra prayers for you and hope that you find a compassionate dr to listen to you and help you get a dx.
Take care of yourself and don't drive in the snow anymore!!!
I can identify with you and moki about how scary eye problems are. I have had trouble with my right eye for years...like looking thru bright water. Usually happens to me if I get overheated.
One day this summer our air conditioner died and we were without it for almost 24 hrs. The heat here in Alabama was horrible. Needless to say, I got too hot, and had the right eye do its thing. Well, about 30 minutes later, the left eye started doing the same thing (never had any trouble with left eye). I felt my way to the couch and just stayed there for the hour it took for my eyes to work again. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.
I hope both of you can get a break and relax a little. I will be wishing you good days to come.
Heather: I too feel a connection with you and am so glad of it. You may call me "Mok" as I love the fact that you consider me a friend. I too consider you my friend. You are such a dear caring person and I am so thankful to have met you. You would be amazed with the amount of variations of my name I am called. But I love it as it is each persons way of expressing how they care. When someone calls me by my real name constantly I know that they are not a true friend. Personally I would love to call you Sweetness as to me that really describes who you are, if you would not be offended or worried that others may use it (although I know they feel the same) Back to the connection though, could you try to refrain from picking up on it. hahahahaha. That really freaked me out, but of anyone I am glad it was you.
I am doing better today, still spazing but I have taken your motherly advice and got some much needed rest yesterday. I also have been trying to figure out how to get through this set back. I think that part of the melt down was do to me having the flu and then everything else just piled on. I was feeling lousy and then my symptoms started which depressed me more and then dear ole doc finished me off. lol
I've decided to be more proactive now. I have written my eye specialist about what the doctor's interpretation of his letter was and where that has left me now. So the ball will be in his court now. I figure this way I'll know if he lied to me or if he was serious about his concern, maybe he will help me. I am also writing the MS neuro about the MRI and my confusion over these last results. I will be nice about it as I know that as nasty as I would like to be, it won't get me anywhere. Whether or not they answer, does not really matter, ( would be nice though) at least I will know that I am fighting for myself as my GP obviously is not going to do anything. I am also still searching for a new doc.
As to my eyes, what I saw that day is still going on. It's not that visible unless I look at something with a white or creamy colored background. The problem is that we now got a good dumping of snow and another storm watch is in place. So if the weather is bad, I won't be driving. I will not risk myself or others over this. I'm scared over it as well and pray that my eye specialist will reply to my letter. If not, I may phone my regular eye doc and see if he can get me in somewhere else.
I'm not sure if I can express how thankful I am to you in words. But you really helped me get through this last week. I was able to open up to you and spilling it out released so much in me. You are always there in times of need not just for me but for everyone. I truly do feel blessed. You my friend are an incredible person. Despite your own health issues, you are always a wealth of information and support and yes an angel.
Thank you for being you
doni: How sweet of you to be keeping tabs on me. I so do appreciate it. I thank you so much for the prayers. It has been hard dealing with moron docs but I will keep trying to find a new one. I will take your advice and not drive in that kind of weather again. Once was enough to scare me from doing it again.
I am going to have a very do nothing lazy weekend. I already told hubby that tonights supper is grab night. He is going to fend for himself. haha I too wish you good days and thank you again for your prayers.
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