Monday is the Day!!! I am scared to death :(

Hi Forum Family!!!  Well I thought I would give you all an update. I go inpatient on Monday for at least 2 days.  I went there with the intention of firing him and he comes in and says, Ada I think your having a few things going on here, let me show you.  How could I think of firing him when he might have some answers right?

He opens up his laptop and starts pulling up my labs, scans, reports, basically my whole medical records.  First he showed me my labs, my WBC are still increasing, it has gone up to a little over 20,000 now.  My lymphocytes and monocytes are really low, I thought they were indetermined but I guess I need to read the fine print by them more closely. lol

I finally just came out and asked him "Is this cancer?"  He said, it definately would explain a lot.  The nodes in my lungs are bothersome to him.  He went back a year ago in my radiology tests and I had had an x-ray and they were not there.  So whatever these are they are growing.  I am scared to death.

I had to have a renal ultrasound while I was there and they found a mass on my right kidney.  He said something about the size of it classifies it a mass.  He left the room for awhile and let the tech finish up and I went back to the exam room.  He had my IM on the phone and I heard him say, this is not normal for someone with Stills.  Well he came back into the room and told me I needed to go inpatient but with tommorrow being a holiday, he said the good pathologists wont be in.  So if it was ok with me to wait until Monday.  I said I would prefer it actually.

I will have a pathologist, oncologist, 2 internal med (one is my reg, the other I dont know), my rheumy, a pulmunologist and I am sure there are others.  My IM said I am kind of famous over there, all the Dr's want to look at me, so she organized this team for me.  I thought that was kind of cool.  I am sure they are great Dr's.  So the testing in store for me is a bone marrow biopsy and aspiration, right kidney biopsy, lung node biopsy, bone scan and bone density tests, an I think an MRI of my ankles, knees, hips, I might be wrong about that one, my world was spinning out of control! lol

So I have been having breakdowns off and on all day, I just don't know what I will do if it is the C word.  I keep thinking about my kids, I know I shouldn't worry until I know but I just cant help it.  I am going to try to enjoy some fireworks tommorrow with my family.  I hope all of you have a good 4th of July!!!

Love You All,

Ada

[essdipity]

Dear girl, you have so much on you, and I'm sorrier than I can express. Please know you're in the hearts and minds of all of us here. I can't tell you not to worry, as you wouldn't be able to help it anyway. That's so understandable. Let's just pray that with that big array of medical knowledge that the source of all of this is quickly found, and that it turns out to be readily treatable. That may well happen, you know.

Love,
ess

[mary_kay]

My heart goes out to you, Sweetheart.  Of course you are scared.  Who wouldn't be with all those doctors poking and prodding - looking for solutions to the puzzles in you.  Sending you my thoughts and prayers for your serenity.  
Love and hugs,
Mary Kay

[Rena705]

Hi honey...I can understand why you are feeling so overwhelmed right now and the doctors you are dealing with have not been overly supportive in the way they have dealt with this whole situation.  However, you have one very important thing to remember honey...if in fact this does turn out to be Ca, it isn't the end and it can be beaten and if anyone can beat a monster such as this I believe it is YOU!

We have discussed many things between us about what has happened in our lives in the past and I think we have to agree that the two of us are tough, resilient and fighters and something like this can be beaten and you have to believe that.  It is important for your own state of mind that you don't let yourself dwell on this too much over the weekend either...being off of the steroids is stressful enough for your body...you need to keep busy with things that you love...your husband, your children, your dogs and I won't forget the little kitties!  You know that we are here if you need to rant and rave and curse and swear and whatever else it is you need to do but I believe that spending time with your loved ones will be very therapeutic for you and for them.  Go see a 4th of July parade and buy a balloon and some cotton candy and a candy apple and whatever else it is that you do down in the U.S.of A!  Go see some fireworks, go to the zoo, go see a movie in an air conditioned theatre...what ever make YOU happy!

Then when Monday comes you can approach it with a deep breath and a smile knowing that you are ready and all your ducks are in a row and your family and the rest of us troops are standing right behind you prepared to fight!

I know you are terrified honey and I would be as well but I know you can do this...you have been through worse and you came through shining...you can do this!

Love,

Rena

[Want to feel well!!!]

Prayers are going your way.  May they give you the strength you need to face all you have been handed.

Wanna

[Heather3418]

My precious friend...all I have to offer you is my continued friendship and love and always a soft shoulder to lean on.  I don't have a million dollars to give you, but I have the next best thing...Prayer...it's priceless.

I love you Ada...Carry all of the support of our Forum family with you into the hospital.  Feel us with you in spirit going through every test with you.  Please keep that in your mind, in hopes of giving you the strength you need to endure all of this.

With all my heart....I will be praying in earnest my precious one.  My little sister...

I weep for all that you have to endure.

Heather

[wingnut19]

Ada,

I am so very sorry for all of the turmoil and fear you are facing right now.  I am here pulling for you and praying for you each passing moment.....

Please take my strength and use it as your own....I will be with you in spirit, my friend!!

Love and HUGS, Ada.....

Tammy

[Quixotic1]

Oh, my dear Ada.  I believe you are doing the right thing here.  This doctor really does have your ultimate best interest at heart, even if there are a couple gaps in knowledge.  The team appraoch will take care of that.  I am really sorry you have 4 days to worry about all of this, but you;re a tough broad and you have a bunch of tough broads and guys behind you every second.

You shouldn't have to be facing this.  Know we love you dearly and will be thinking about you the whole time.  Scared is okay.  Just know you are loved.

Quix

[monotreme]

Ada,
  I am very sorry for what you have to go through next week and all of your fear now.  Quix is right.  You shouldn't have to be facing this.  I  will pray for you daily and ask that God grant you favorable results and ease your anxiety and fear.

  We will all be pulling for you.  You are not alone.

   Elaine

[wishforchange]

Just adding my wishes and hopes for the answers you need and a full recovery.  I think yo'ure going to be okay.  With so many people on your side you have enought support to blow away any news you don't want to hear.  Keep us informed of your progress.
x

[LLWB]

So sorry tht you have to be facing this, but at least the doctors are listening to you, and having a team approach should be a really good thing.  My prayers are with you, you are strong, and you can cope with whatever this is. God Bless and Keep you in His Loving Arms.

Maggie

[wonko]

That is a lot of weight to bear.  Know we're here for you.  We haven't "met" but I will certainly keep you in my thoughts.  I admire your bravery.  Good luck!

[RAY911]

Ada,  I'm sooo very sorry you have to go threw all this!!!!!  It breaks my heart!!!  Like everyone said here, WEare all here for you!!!!!!

How I wish i could be right there holding your hand!!!!!  I love you friend.  You are in my Prayers and Ada with FAITH we can get threw ANYTHING!!!!
  

Like I said before you are one of the strongest I know!!!!!!!  this will help you threw,  We are all here.

I LOVE YOU FRIEND
Ray

[southygirl]

will be thinking  of you hoping that you stay strong and fight .whatever happens!!!



best wishes and hugs


theresa

[spastic]

Thank you for being here for me!!!  I  really, really appreciate it.  It makes going through this so much easier knowing I have such a loving group of friends!!!  I love you all so much!!!  You know I truly believe this forum can move mountains with all the support and caring each and everyone of you give.  I am so lucky to have the best forum family ever!!!  Many hugs and kisses to all of you!!! :)

As much as I would of liked to have done this immediately, I am glad to wait til Monday.  My brother is having a BBQ and fireworks tonight so it will be good family time with everyone there.  Hope the mosquitos stay away :)

I will be able to take my laptop, they aren't sure I will be able to link up in my room but you can in the cafereria and the lobby area.  So I am hoping that I will be able to give you all updates and such.  I will go mad if I can't talk to the forum. :)

Well I hope everyone has a good, cool 4th of July.

Love You All,

Ada

[floridamom2]

Gosh, you are so brave!  I am so sorry you are going through this but am glad you have a doctor who is listening now and giving you the attention you so deserve!!

I will be praying that you are able to enjoy your weekend and your BBQ and that Monday your testing is painfree and uneventful.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers !

Love and HUgs!
Kristin

[luverofrogs]

(((((((((((((((((Ada)))))))))))))))))))) Good thoughts and prayers coming your way.

[ohwild]

Bless you hunny will be praying for you on Monday and all days, wishing you all the best in the world
bug hugs ((((((((((((((((( ADA))))))))))))))))))))))))
CJ :)

[Wobbly]

Oh my girl, hang in there.   I don't know why life brings such mountains to climb, but it does...

all my prayers are with you and hope for the best... Be strong and know that you are not alone...ever...

take care of yourself and keep in touch.

andie

[Fluffysmom]

I'm adding my prayers and loving thoughts to all the rest.  I've prayed more since I joined this forum than I have in years, and now with more focus and depth than ever before.

Your strength and spirit have inspired me since I first joined, and I learned to love a relative stranger.  I've learned that love and all of us pulling together can move mountains, can help us get through whatever we must face.  You have a very large prayer chain going, as well as loving and peaceful thoughts being sent across the miles.

We will be there with you in spirit.  We might miss something, though,so I'm glad you'll be taking your laptop to keep us up with any news.  Also, so we can send our support and love in print as well as from our hearts.

Much love,

Kathy

[pennst8r]

Oh my, I completely missed this post when it came out. I am so sorry. I will be praying my guts out for you. We will all be with you. God bless and take care

Penn

[debral09]

Dear Sweet Ada, you have so many kind words for everyone all the time.  Well now it's time for you to receive them tenfold!!!!!!!  So many love you here and wish you nothing but good health!

Here's to hoping that with all our love and support we can pull you thru this!  My continued prayers, love and many many hugs being sent your way!!!

Try to enjoy your family this weekend!  And I will be sure to give my daughter a kiss from ya!

Love ya,
Debra

[doublevision1]

I so sorry you are going through all of this, but am impressed by the coordination of your medical care; it seems that you're in excellent hands and I truly hope that they will get to the bottom of this soon.  I'm glad you're home for the long weekend with your family; much better than laying around a hospital when the people you need aren't there anyway.  I have no advice, just lots of concern mixed with lots of hope.  I'll be thinking of you today, tomorrow, the next day and the next, and so on, and am looking forward to your updates.  
db

[cjacks]

      


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Ada being placed in a bubble of white light !

Love and prayers and   (((( HUGS )))

Jo
                                                                                 ..:

[biowham]

Hi, Ada--

I am sorry that you're having to go through all of this and face the very real fear of cancer, but I'm glad your doctor (or one of them) finally sat down and spoke fairly frankly with you. I think it perhaps was the right thing for you to wait until Monday and take these days to work through some emotions and prepare and to be doctor-free for this holiday. And you will be in my thoughts on Monday.

Bio

[smittygirl]

For every single person you have helped, consoled and prayed for on this and the Arthritis forum, know that all those prayers and positive thoughts are coming your way ten fold from each and every one of us.   My thoughts and prayers are with you Ada, God Bless you and your family.

Love
Sue

[santana8]

My heart breaks for you, knowing how scared you are feeling!!!!  I know it is hard not to worry, but put it in Gods hands, trust in his words that he will not give us more than we can bare!  Believe and have faith that he will bring you through this, and you will be fine!!  I am praying for you and believing with you!!!!

Your friend
~Santana~

[MCBCON]

I love you Ada.  I am sending love and prayers your way.

[Heartshome]

Ada, I haven't been writing here much, but I have been reading and my heart goes out to you. I can imagine the fear you must be feeling, but with all these people loving you and praying for you, things will be okay. You will have the courage and strength you need to face whatever the future brings.

Count me in as adding to those thoughts and prayers. Hang in there!

Lisa

[Momzilla]

Sweet Ada~

You are always among the first here to swoop in with warm comfort.  Such a dear, dear member of our family here.  A doll!  Just know that we are here for YOU now as you go to the hospital, in the care of doctors who want very much to take great care of you.

You are in God's hands, too.  We are lifting you in prayer, arms all around you, our sweet Ada.  We love you.

Feel well and let us know how well they're caring for you.

Love and hugs,

Zilla*

[sllowe]

Hi Honey,

I'm just reading this, and I love you sweety.  

Here with you not matter what this is.

Love you so much and will pray hard for your strength and for your body, and for the Doctors to know exactly what they are looking at, and for them to know what to do right away for you.

Love you very much,
Shelly

[spastic]

I cannot tell you guys enough how much I love you all.  I have always known how special this forum family is and how wonderful it feels to be a part of it.  If I am unable to link up in there, Rena and Heather will keep you all updated.  I really appreciate all the support this family has given me.  I know I would of gone bonkers by now!!!

I am all packed and ready to go, of course I have to sneak in a few of my favorite snacks, I bought 4lbs of sweet grapes, and some Cheese nips.  I'm sure it will come in handy.  I am a bundle of nerves right now but am sure it will go away once I get there.  

Thank you again for all the love and support, I love you all so much.

Ada

[mercyone]

Oh, I'm just so saddened to hear what is happening to you. I know it is difficult and how helpless you must feel. I wish I could say something that would make it better and right now I'm sure words just aren't enough. Here's a big cyber hug and you are in my nightly prayers.

Mercy