New guy

[mo0427]

So I just started dating this guy who seems amazing. I haven't met anyone like him. Im starting to doubt my self worth which I know isn't good. I feel like I've met someone who's too perfect. Attaining qualities that I so looked for before thi MS. Maybe dating was too soon but I wasn't expecting to like him. We went out yesterday my balance was off and he didn't say a peep. How can I be honesty about something im not really comfortable with SMGDH.

[HVAC]

Whenever you tell him will be the right time. If it is meant to be you will still date if not there are other guys. The important thing is you are out there. Have fun.

Alex

[essdipity]

Well, I'll chime in here and say that I think the answer is somewhere in between.

Wait and see whether the relationship has real potential. Every attraction doesn't pan out, and not every passing deal needs to hear about our health issues. This seems very new, from what you say, so give it a bit of time and see how things go. Laying a big revelation on someone too quickly could be interpreted as coming on too strongly. For now, just enjoy things day to day. That could be all it turns out to be, and that's fine.

If and when you both get to the point of deciding to be more than just a new attraction, that decision will require honesty on your part. When the time comes, you'll know it. Not too soon, not too late, sort of like Goldilocks.  :-)

And BTW, no reason to feel as if you have an STD. MS is nothing to be ashamed of, at all. You are not 'contaminated' in any way. It's just not the first thing we talk about. We are not our MS.

Good luck in this, and let us know how things work out.

ess

[mo0427]

@sarah SMGDH stands for shaking my god damn head. I don't know about speaking to someone the situation will not change. Yes my question was when should I open up about this. I feel as if I have an STD. If a pierson had sickle cell or diabetes there not quick to open up so why do I have to. Yes I really like him he has very good qualities, qualities that I've looked for  I just wonder when do I have to express this as soon as we decide on a relationship or at the beginning.

[opie74]

I would see if you are truly interrested in continuing this relationship.  If you do decidee that you want to date him long-term the you should tell him.  If he ever makes a statement about your coordination or sensativity to heat open the door and walk through it.  If you dont think that the relationship is going anywhere, then no need to bring it up, but if it looks like it might last, the sooner you say something, the better!

[HVAC]

I was talking to friend today while we were riding horses. Her son is Autistic. She said "the more people I meet the more I do not know what normal is, Normal is only a setting on the washing machine".

Alex

[sllowe]

Hi Mo,

You just be you, girl. Perfect doesn't exist in this world :)
And, maybe he's thinking the same about you!

Enjoy those dates - you deserve to feel good and have good times!

(((hugs)))
shell

[Sparkysarah]

Hi and as I don't think I have said hello before, a belated welcome to the forum from me.

I am not sure what your question was but sensed it was that you really like this guy you  have started dating, he seems too be good to be true and you are scared that the bubble may burst if you tell him you have MS. It sounds as if you are still coming to terms with your diagnosis and this is very normal and I can tell you that a year down the line, I still have days when it feels as if the MS coat does not fit and I do not want to wear it.  I do think that finding out as much as you can about the condition helps enormously.

So for me there are several issues, the first is to do with your own self confidence and self esteem and coming to terms with MS, and the second is to do with this new guy.  Well he obviously likes you for the person you are and this is a great starting point for a relationship. I personally beleive that honesty and trust are essential in any relationship but it is not always easy to give trust to someone we do not know well.  It is up to you if and when you tell him and I would listen to your own instinct and trust this.

There are several possible scenarios..you tell him now and risk the fact that he may run....
you tell him later when you have become more attached and then he runs and the hurt is even greater for you,  you don't tell him and it comes out later when you are possibly unwell and he is angry and hurt that you did not tell him earlier. Then the other possibilities are that you tell him at all these different times and he stands by you and the relationship blossoms.

The unknown and perceptions and reactions of people are unpredictable so in fact no-one knows what the potential outcome could be. I am a positive person, I like myself and if someone turns their back on me because I have MS then I figure it is their loss and they were never going to be a good friend. However I am in a different position as I have been married for 24 years (nearly).

I would strongly recommend that you find a therapist you could talk to and then you can address some of these issues and it may help you to deal with having MS, low self esteem and just talking to someone about your feelings can be very cathartic.

I am not very good on abbreviations so do not know what SMGDH stands for so apologies that I cannot help with that. Anyhow I am sure some others will chip in with support but I would encourage you to make your own mind up and have faith in your judgment about this guy..he sounds great.

With best wishes

Sarah