Not sure what how to feel

[MCBCON]

Well, I am 49 and am sitting at home.  Found out last Friday that my disability claim was approved and a bunch of money was deposited in our checking account.  The money being there really helps a lot.  Yet, I feel not so happy about it.  I is a luke warm feeling that I am now official considered disabled and will receive monthly stipends because of the government now agrees.

I won't assume everyone reading this posting knows my story.  So, I will simply state that I have way too many MS symptoms.  The symptoms most debilitating are the cognitive problems.  Most problematic are the memory loss, fatigue, and the recurring amnesia episodes.  Strangely, yesterday I was considering calling my disability lawyers today and asking them how I can find out the status of my disability claim.  Friday I called my lawyers office and told them Social Security informed me that my claim was approved.  If I can remember I will check back to see if anyone responds to this posting.

Thursday we have an appointment to go over everything with Social Security.  We also need to go over things with DHS now.  We have not told anyone except our children yet.  When I was growing up there was a sort of taboo on people on disability.  I feel so strange knowing I will be receiving money for disability.

[gwywinc]

Hi All. I'm recently dxd with syringomelia and maybe a chiari but still waiting to go back to my 2nd ns that the first one recommended. The 2nd ns didnt get all of my MRIs. He's looking for cfs blockage. I'm not sure if I will need surgery or not. Have had these symptoms for about 25 years have had xrays of cervical and lumbar but they never said anything but that they couldnt find anything. God do you know how hard it is to get meds when the drs all say there is nothing wrong. Man I just feel so angry. I was getting pain meds from my in laws or friends til I found I was allergic to tramedol and could have died. Sorry I'm just venting. I just wanted you all to know that SSDI is not a benefit. It is an insurance that we pay just like heath and life insurance. So please dont feel bad. You've earned and paid for it. And the govt is handing our SSDI dollars away to people who have never worked a day in their lives. So take it without feeling bad.

[Eyesnlegs]

We have never even met and yet I am already proud that I pay my taxes to help  people like yourself only here in the UK.

I am also really glad that I don't have to claim but for no other reason than at this moment in time I am still able to work - and for that I am truly grateful.

But don't beat yourself up there are many claiming benefits  that have no right to - you are genuine and in need and caring and that is the problem.  It will probably take time to adjust but if I lived in the US I would bring my taxes around to your house personally and be proud to help as I know it is deserved.

So do as others say here and share your thoughts when you need to as we support you all the way and may all be where you  are too.

Love and (((hugs)))
Pat

[Heather3418]

I remember the feelings you describe, so well, when I got my first disability check.  The first check was large, because of back pay and I put it to good use.  But strangely,  I felt that I was spending someone else's money.

My feelings were dampened, because I had come from running my own business for 7 years, working 10+ hours a day and had now gone to a woman on Social Security disability.  Yes, I know that I earned it, through work all my life, but something really felt strange about now getting money from the government.  I knew that there were people out there, much more disabled than I was and though strange, I felt like my check was taking away from them.  Really strange to feel that way, but that's the truth.

I have to be 100% honest with you Michael, I STILL feel that twinge when I get my check every month.  Thank God for it, because I could not survive without it.  I also receive government health insurance, because I am a single, disabled woman that cannot work.  I would still rather be out there working and not counting the days until my next check arrives.....  Receiving benefits actually makes me feel that I am not a productive member of society anymore.

I hope and pray that any of those feelings pass quickly for you.  But I had to write to tell you that I DO understand exactly what you are saying.  There are alot of people out there that say, "Hey aren't you lucky you don't have to punch a time clock anymore?  You get to sit at home and do whatever you want, when you want."  I say, No friend, I would rather be out there with all of you, earning my own living and place, out in this world.  At least it would mean that I do not have MS...

Best Wishes dear heart.  Please keep us updated on your feelings and emotions and share them with us.  Alot of us, know exactly how you are feeling.  SS is not always a happy feeling if the truth be told.

Hugs,
Heather

[Fluffysmom]

Hi there, good to see you, and I'm glad that you were approved for SSD.  Those of us that remember your story know that it was time, and very necessary.

I also grew up with those taboos about disability.  It was quite an adjustment for me when I had to go on disability in 1996, but I had been struggling to work for the past two years, and was living on next to nothing, in one room in a house full of strange people.

When I got approved, I was ready to celebrate.  I moved into my own apartment and tried to plant a garden, then was approved for low-income housing.  I moved to a decent apartment in a really nice part of town, where my rent was about a quarter of what I had been paying.

I got used to food stamps; they are better now; they are loaded on a card like a debit card, so not embarrassing to use.

There is no shame in accepting your part of a program that was put in place to help you and others in similar situations, that you paid into for years,  I know it can be hard to shake those lingering feelings, but hold your head high and remember that you are doing your best.

I'm going to post a quote that my best friend found called Attitude in my journal.  It fits so many situations.  She is going to use it for her employees, but I thought it would be good for the forum, too. Maybe read it if you get a chance.

Keep your chin up!

Kathy

[hbananas]

I'm sorry that being officially declared disabled has hurt your feelings of self-esteem and pride.  Please keep in mind that any taboos you heard about people on disability were most likely referring to those who game the system and receive it when they are not really entitled.

You, my dear sir, are not one of those people.  You worked hard for as long as you could, paying into a system that has helped countless others.  Now you find yourself in their shoes.  Those of us who are still out there plugging away are proud to be part of the system that is helping you now, and grateful that it will be there for us when our time comes.

And that time WILL come for each of us, whether it be through our own disability or retirement, or when we leave survivors to claim the benefits.  Best of luck with your meetings this week.  Take care.

[uk2]

Hi, i was registered disabled last yr and got a mobilty car with my benefit this yr and had my car adapted so i could drive again, i spent all my working life from 17 till 32 caring for others as a auxilerary nurse and then a carer in the community and then have to give up work and have others care for me push me in a wheelchair have my 3 young children do things for me they are 10,8 and 7 as i am a singal mum i know that odd feeling of adjusting to a totaly different life but i guess we just have to embrass this as another session in our lives and be happy we do have help as we cant work and move forward but i sure know how you are feeling.

sam