Well...I am going to go see the psychiatrist today at 12;30 and see what they have to say. I am told that I go a 12:30 and I will have a whole bunch of paperwork to fill out and then I may be seen by a doctor but there are no guarantees apparently...they don't make appointments. So hubby has grudgingly agreed to take me...Mom doesn't think I need it but has said she will support me if I think it might help me...
I didn't sleep very well last night as this kept sneaking into my dreams and it is still making me uneasy...
I keep thinking that as I go into the Psychiatric ward which has HUGE lettering on the main floor of the hospital...that will be the point that I will run into someone like my last boss or my last neurologist or that person that I really don't want to give any information to and that soon all will know. I know it's probably silly but tough...that is the way I feel.
My self confidence has never been a strong point in my life and right now it's at about a 2 out of 10. I guess the worst that could happen is that they want to admit me and the best that could happen is that they don't think I need to be seen right? Time will tell I guess...
Afterward, Mom and hubby are taking me to a new steak house for prime rib for supper so at least I have something to look forward to right? I probably won't be able to report in until this evening or tomorrow morning but don't worry, I will as soon as I get a chance and let you know how it went...
I am only doing this in the hopes that it might help someone else in the future that may be facing the same thing. It seems that if something is physically wrong with a person, people are free with the sympathy and empathy but when we are having problems mentally...ooohhh...don't get too close....she has mental problems and is unstable and might get weird...I know its just a lack of education that makes some people feel this way but it so doesn't instill much confidence in the person with the problem does it? I also have that nasty ice pic pain in my head today and that doesn't help anything!!!
Oh well...wish me luck and I will be in touch and I hope everyone has a lovely day! It's a crisp fall day here with frost on the vehicles and roofs of the neighboring houses but not a cloud in the sky and it is so pretty!
No guarantees to see a Dr? What a crock. All that, and no Dr! Hmpf!
I'd feel the same way.
You just hold your head up high woman. And if you run into someone there, well then, I guess they have a need to be there too then don't they.
Keep the goal in sight Rena Girl. If you find your head wants to look down to the ground and you see your feet, I hope you feel us gently lifting up your chin, looking you in the eyes and you hear us say "you can do this."
I think you're wonderful for doing this; you are so right about the stigma attached to any kind of mental issues. You would think that after all these years, after all the articles written and movies made, that people would become more informed, understanding, and tolerant.
As I see it, you have two options; you hold your head high, walk in this building like you are going to an appointment with a colleague, and fill out your paperwork and see if there are any good magazined to read.
Option 2: Wear a funny hat, bring a camera, and have your hubby take a picture of you grinning under the "Phychiatric Ward" sign, and after you have filled out the paperwork, tear pages out of the magazines and make paper airplanes. If you know any origami, make some birds and flowers. :o)
Either way, hold you head up high and know that I'd be walking in right next to you if I could fly up there fast enough. I know it probably doesn't help to tell you this right now, but if all things were equal, your self confidence should be around 9.5 right now.
You are such a good person, with true compassion and caring for others. Pretend like you're someone else, and you would have to give yourself a higher score. You really are awesome, even with health issues and healthCARE issues. I would rather have you for a sister than anyone in my birth family.
Kathy and Shell are right... you CAN do this... walk tall and strong and know that we are there with you. And, if I've already posted after you're out... well, then you know that you've survived, like we knew you would. And remember, going to a psych doesn't mean that you are weaker, or that you are know 'weird'. We go to doc.'s for our bodies all the time... the shame is that we don't go more often to doc's for our minds... we'd all be better off for it. Think of it this way, you'll have one up on us. And you can definetly enoucrage those who will also have to walk through those doors in the next few years and tell them it's ok, that everything will work out.
Sigh, some-day they will get that whole technology figured out were you can travel virtually, and then I could pop in and give you a hug, make you breakfast, and listen to you tell me all about your day. Until then, I will just read your post, pray for you, and whip up an imaginary batch of pancakes, eggs, bacon and orange juice for your "breakfast in bed" in the morning.
Enjoy your supper our with your family, and try to dream happy dreams tonight, 'K! :)
I personally, Rena, would skipped down the hallways, asking everybody, "Have seen my long lost kittie?".... "I would like my room please!" And..." Where is my lovely white jacket that ties in the back."
I probably wouldn't do that for real considering my family history though. My mother use to joke that we could hold our family reunions on the mental wards. I'll put it to you this way, the police came to lock my grandmother away in a mental institution. She was trying to hurt people but the police underestimated her. She held off the whole police force with a basket of apples and oranges. They were ducking behind their cars, and when they would lift their heads up...Wham! Right in the head with some fruit. My mother said that her mother missed her calling. She could have been a great pitcher.
The point of the story..isn't that you can hold off the police force with a fruit basket..but sometimes..even in the scariest/worse situations....make fun of it..laugh at it..anything to get you through it and make you feel better.
At my worse time in my life..I went to counseling. I thought to myself, I must be crazy because I should be strong enough to figure this out for myself. I was in an abusive relationship and I wanted to break the cycle of going back for more...not for me, but my son.
Turns out..I wasn't crazy...(ok maybe a little lol). Just confused, depressed, and I had no self-esteem. You CAN do this! Sometimes we just need a little work with everything. Not only fixing the physical parts but the mental parts too. Talking things out..a mental colonic..sometimes does wonders.
I felt the same way about the stigma issue and support after I brought up that my neurologist actually put down a diagnosis of conversion disorder on my chart. I was really hesitant to bring it up on this forum because people here hadn't gotten a chance to meet me yet or didn't know me that well, but I needed to get it out there. And, people were supportive, but maybe a little cautious too.
You will definitely help others by sharing your experiences with the psych guy. There are probably many others out there who haven't spoke up about things they were told by their doctors worried maybe what others would think, so again you will help many already members and others who might stop in to check us out.
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