OT--Bullying

[opie74]

I watched in shock as I saw two boys from the bus bullying my son in the front yard today.  My house is the bus stop.  The children got off, and as I heard the bus driving away, I went to the inside garage door and peeked out.  I was going to suprise my son as he came in.  ( I leave the garage door up so that the driver knows I am home, and I don't have to wait out in the heat for the bus.)  

Immagine my suprise.  One boy (the largest from our subdivision) said something to my son.  Drew stoped to answer him.  Another boy grabbed my son from behind and held him tightly around the arms.  The first one picked up Drew's leg and they forced him to the ground.  Tho one took of Drew's shoe and threw it across the yard.

I yelled at them.  I said something like if I ever catch you bulling again, I am goig to follow you home and talk to you mother, and if she does not spank you, I will calt the police.  I still don't know if I should tell the school or leave it alone.  My husband thinks that I should just let it go, but I don't think so.  Tomorrow, the Kindergarten has a Mardi Grass parade.  I will be there to watch my son's class.  I think that I will talk to the teacher or the principal.  Not sure.  What do you think?

Ann

[twopack]

And Sarah..... think about that counseling again.  Are you sure the suggestion was meant to imply a deficit in your daughter?  Whatever your answer, counseling could be a terrific idea.  

When a person (of any age) is assaulted with word or action a wound is created.  Sometimes that wound heals quickly and cleanly with early attention from a professional but leaves a disabling scar if ignored.  Mom's are the best of the best but sometimes their ears can't handle hearing a child's heart pain.

My older granddaughter had some conflict in early elementary school as well - a group of girls who were trying to set up a brutal power heirarchy.  A wise school counselor formed a lunch-time "Friendship Club" (mandatory attendance for a select group).  They all came together in a neutral setting with an adult moderator  to discuss and learn over PB&J and cookies.  It worked a miracle and some former foes are still fast friends today.

Mary

[twopack]

Thanks for sharing Ann.  My 3rd grade granddaughter is being bullied at school as well.  Like you son, she is a gentle soul.  I think it makes them easy targets.  She is a Tae Kwan Do black belt and might literally kick butt if respect and self-discipline weren't as important as the physical aspects of the art.

She is hurt more by the lack of concern from a teacher than anything the other bullies say or do.  I bet it means a lot to your son to know how much Mom cares!  I hope YOU know how much WE care about you.

Thanks for the idea about looking online for some kid style self-help, JJ.   I think it's a great idea to give kids some tools they can use when these situations come up.  I'm going to have a look myself and stock my gal's tool belt!

I sure wish all bullies could see their actions for what they are as quickly as these kindergartners seem to.

Mary

[opie74]

Thanks,  I will check into the web sights.  It will make him feel better if he knows how to respond.

When they got off the bus today, they were all talking and smileing.  Drew said that the boys got on the bus today and appologized.  they said that they made a pact with the principal that they would be friendly.  (The bus drivers were told to make sure of it.)

Thank all of you for letting me share this.  after the incident, I wsa nervous, and the right side of my face started acting up.  After I shared and y'all reassured me that I was doing the right thing, I started to fee better. TLC_31 , I was not trying to hurt anyone or offend anyone on this sight.  It took all that I could do not to walk out and physically remove them from my yard... :-)

Ann

[supermum_ms]

I think your wording was probably what 99% of every other mother would say, when witnessing their little one being physically bullied. Its always better to involve the school, it doesn't really matter if its your child being bullied or someone elses, if you witness it and dont report it, it will only get worse for the victim.

Unless the offender's are known for this type of thing, your child probably wont be targetted again. Its when they are constant bully types, that things can start getting more problematic, because most incidents of bullying are not physical but verbal. Verbal usually doesn't get as much attention but is equally if not even more damaging than physical altercations, if its left alone to continue, so keep on top of it.

Generally a victim of bullying can feel helpless, thats even with adults involved so its always a good idea to give them a tool box of things to do if they are ever in a bullying situation again. If you google 'bullying' you'll find dedicated sites from all over the world, some are brilliantly kid friendly formatted, fun and informative without being scarry, so its worth having a look.

HUGS.............JJ

[michelleric]

Forgot to say what I wanted to say...
Over the years w my 4 children, I have been in this situation a few times.  I ALWAYS call the school now.

A couple months ago, I had this same issue w my 3rd grader being bullied on the bus.  Big issues.  It got resolved, but the principal, and bus service were involved.  I found out all our busses have video cameras, who knew?

Anyway, the bully was caught on tape...

I am glad you spoke up right away, your child, I am sure, is relieved.

Michelle

[figuerpa]

good for you for speaking up. Bullying is so no acceptable. It is hard on the kids that get bullied. My sons school has a no bullying policy and if you get caught bullying you will be suspended.

I really hope this helps and that the bullying stops. Your poor son is only in Kindergarten and doesn't need this to be his idea of what school will be like in the future. I am really glad you were there to stop it, good for you mama, I am sure he was happy to see you!

[michelleric]

I meant OFF the board.  Think I better pop off...a bit cranky tonight.  Been home for too long with sick children, hubby this week.

[michelleric]

Seriously?

Just popped on the board briefly, and this was the 1st post I read.

This whole thread can turn ugly, so I think we leave it be.

let's leave any judgement/criticism on the board. This is a supportive place, I recommend we leave it at that.  

thx,
Michelle

[opie74]

Besides, this is not the place to open that can of worms, even if you do think that spanking is worse than bullying.  The only time that spanking is used in my home is as a last resort or when physical harm is probable either to themself (running into the street) or to another.

[opie74]

Honey, where I live, everyone does it.  The idea was to scare him.  It is my right to call the police either way.

[TLC_31]

"... if she does not spank you, I will call the police."

I don't believe in spanking. I'm not going to be critical of others who do believe in it (within reason), but I am disappointed that you would demand that of another parent.

I was spanked a few times as a child ... no big deal, but probably not necessary. I have never spanked my 6-year-old daughter, and I wouldn't tolerate someone telling me that I had to do that or any specific punishment.

[opie74]

I really think that there should be two people on the bus too.  I just don't know hwere the couties and cities would find the money to pay for it right now.  I went to Drew's little Mardi Gras parade at school today.  One of the voulentere mothers saod that she had heard the announcement calling all the boys to the office earlier that morning.

[JaneK1975]

I have never understood why our society thinks it's okay to send a bus filled with 40-50 kids down the road with only one adult inside who's supposed to be responsible for both driving and maintaining civility. I can barely keep my brother's three kids from arguing in the back of my Corolla! It's no wonder half the kids are amped up for a fight the minute the bus drops them off :/

[JaneK1975]

I think you definitely did the right thing, Ann. The school needs to know when kids are getting physical in order to squash it. It doesn't have to be about "getting someone in trouble", it's just about helping the school to be informed about what's going on and teach kids not to get physical. It sounds like you handled it really well. Not only will your son be safer, but he will also learn something about how to handle tough situations in a tactful manner and reach out to the right people for help when needed. Congrats!

- Jane

[Guitar_grrrl]

Way to stand up, Ann!  Your son has a marvelous advocate in you.  I'm so glad you've made the principal and transport supervisor aware.  Keep up knowing your neighbors.  It helps when the little ones become teens, as well.

[opie74]

I called and spoke to the principal this morning.  She said that she was glad that I called, and that usually once the children knew that she was involved, they were scared.  We shall see.  At leist the school officially knows and any further bulling infractions will get them thrown off the bus.

[opie74]

I went out this morning the the pickup.  There is another mother that my husband and I have gotten to know.  The said that the one boys name is Anthony, "Tony", and that his parents are nice people.  the other one we think is Chandler.  He will not even speak whenthe family is out for a walk.  I know which house he lives in because he has a basketball goal in the front yard and the HOA is always complaining.

Now that I know the names, I will talk to the school today.  I spoke to "Mr. Tim" yesterday.  He is the transportation supervisor for the district.  As for the pollice...  We live in the county but it is a city school.  Since it was in my yard, I guess it would be the Sherriff.  OH yea, Mr Tim said that he would tell both of my son's bus drivers to be aware of what was going on with Drew and to not pull away from the stop until they had dispursed.  we live on a busy road...this ill drive people crazy.

I will let you know what I find out.

Thank all of you for talking about this,
Ann

[Valkyrie568]

It sounds like it is definitely an ongoing problem. School buses are rough environments!

This struck a chord with me too, when I first read your post. My husband had a similar incident in kindergarten with a boy 3 or 4 years older than him throwing a rope around his neck and taking off running as soon as the bus left. He fell but was able to get the rope off before anything terrible happened but it left him with a life long phobia of anything around his neck!

My son also had an ongoing issue with an older boy constantly trying to bully him on the school bus. I tried to resolve it through the bus driver, school and the kids parents, with about the same results as Sarah has had. My 'mama grizzly bear' took over at that point and the next time it happened, I filed a complaint with the Sheriff's Dept. I don't know how much attention you would get somewhere with a busy police dept. but it worked very well for us (it was also Colorado shortly after the Columbine incident!) The deputy visited the bully's family, the bus driver, principal, and the head of the bus dept. The kid was no longer allowed to ride the bus and the school also learned to take complaints from other parents more seriously. Of course, being a small town, I gave the gossips something to talk about for awhile, but I think it was worth it.

I hope you can get some resolution for your son!

Valerie

[sarahw244]

I feel compelled to reply here.  This really struck a cord for me!  My daughter has been going through something similar since she was in Kindergarten as well.  She is now in 3rd grade.

There is one girl in particular that bullies her.  While it never got physical, this girl has had it out for my daughter since day one.  We talked to everyone; her teachers in each grade, the principal, the school counselor, etc.  Everyone brushed it off like it was nothing.  

Finally when she was just beginning 2nd grade, we were told that my daughter needed counseling!  Not the other kid!  Talk about being more than P-O'd!!!!  Why would the kid who is doing nothing wrong be the one who needs the help?!?  I was told that she needs to learn how to deal with it, as this is the way it is going to be for the rest of her life.   I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.

My daughter is very soft spoken, will do nothing to hurt anyone's feelings, helps everyone, but also won't stick up for herself because she is afraid of hurting someone's feelings.  The school finally has been working with this girl and she is starting to lay off my daughter, but it still goes on every few days.  Her parents actually said something to me at a school concert last year, making some snide comment about being a bully.  Whatever!  Obviously the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

I guess I really have nothing to add other than I think you should talk to the school.  Talk to teachers, the principal, school counselor, bus driver, bus company, etc.  Anyone who deals with your son on a regular basis.  Alert them to what's going on.  Ask them to watch for signs of further bullying.  Whatever you do, curb it now!  Your son is still very young and too young, in my opinion, to be dealing with all this right now.

Good luck!  I would be interested in hearing how this turns out.  Sorry this is so long, but this struck a cord with me (obviously, lol!)
Sarah

[Lulu54]

If it were my son, I would definitely talk to the school administrators and the parents of these other boys.  But don't expect much to happen to change this unless you are a regular presence and the adults know that you are watching how they handle this problem.

Please don't let this bullying fester and grow.  I'm sorry your son is going through this but glad he has you for his mom.

[opie74]

He has been making complaints to me for a while off and on that the big kids on the bus were not nice to him.  He is a softie and gets his feelings hurt easy so I talked to him but dismissed it fairly quickly.  His teacher said that he has not been his usually happy self since christmas.  I wonder if these boys have anything to do with it.  Drew is in Kindergarten.  The bus only takes kids from his school on this rout.  so, the boys are 4th grade and younger.

[tingletingle]

Hi Ann,

From photos under your profile your son looks like he is quite young and this incident would have been frightening.

It always takes two to tango and I would find out your son said to set the two boys off, but yes I would mention it to the parents if they are around and mention what you witnessed to them. I would also let the teacher know in case it continues at school.

Oh, my what a nasty little incident but I'm glad you were there with your son to hug him better.

Blessings
Alex

[Valkyrie568]

Did you ask your son if this is an isolated incident or if they do things like this frequently? That would make a big difference in how I handled it I think.

Although, I have to admit that my FIRST instinct would be to react like a mama grizzly bear with someone messing with her cubs :)

Valerie