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233622 tn?1279334905

So frustrated!

I need some advice, what do you do when insensitive comments are made to you? I have a relative who is very self centered. She has no tact and wants to be the center of attention.

I mentioned to her this evening that I was tired and didn't feel like getting together this weekend. She said, "Well, if I stopped doing things every time I am tired I would never get anything done!" I was so upset. I am upset. She has 19 year old daughter and 15 year old son who take care of themselves. She does work, but at a desk job. She gets off of work when she wants. She is basically her own boss. She does not do house work. Her house is the pitts.  This person is younger than I am.

She did know I am being "watched" for MS. She does not know I have developed anothe bout of ON.  It really does not matter. It upsets me that someone can be so self centerd. : (  Hope it is ok to post this frustration on this list. It is not exactly MS realated.

How do you deal with rude people without taking it to heart and feeling hurt? I know if I had an actually DX of MS she might not be so rude.

13 Responses
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233622 tn?1279334905
:) That is funny! Isn't it something how we know in our minds that they are not worth getting so worked up about but yet we do it anyway. The sad thing is it looks like for many of us it is our extended family memebers.  It is sad but I think we are much more rude to our family memebers than we are to strangers.

I was shocked at the response I got. At least I know I am in good company!

L
Helpful - 0
373367 tn?1246402035
OMG!  I would like to beat some of these people w/this numb arm of mine!!   LOL
No seriously, they aren't worth our time or effort!  :)
Stacey
Helpful - 0
164435 tn?1377102256
EVERYONE HERE, PUT IT IN THE RIGHT WORDS FOR ME.
I HAVE A SISTER- IN- LAW ,WHO TRYS TO
BE MISS NO IT ALL. WHEN WE ARE ALL TOGETHER,
SHE ALWAYS SAY STUFF LIKE, OH LOOK AT HER
SHAKING SHE IS GETTING WORSE.
SHE HAS TO POINT IT OUT, ALL THE TIME,
MY HONEY GETS SO PISSED, NOW I JUST
GO ABOUT MY LIFE AND I DON'T TALK TO HER MUCH.
I CAN NOT HANDLE FAMILY LIKE THAT.
I HAVE A GREAT FAMILY RITE HERE,
AND THIS IS ALL I NEED.
LUV YA ALL KITT
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It sounds like all you can really do is smile. I am sure there are ways to get even but what is the point. That is really hard to stomach she should be more concerned for you but what else can you do. Just try not to get depressed about it.

In a strange way I pity her because for how bad she makes you feel she must feel a lot worse to be so concerned with herself. It is foreign for me because I become bored with always talking about myself and other will be too. I guess she just does not realize that.

Just remember that you are an amazing person and not many get the opportunity to face challanges like us. You are a better person than she will ever be able to comprehend and well at least all of us in this forum realize that!

Smile
Helpful - 0
233622 tn?1279334905

Wow! I am not that I am happy all of you deal with the same thing, but it is helpful to know I am not the only one.  

I know the rest of you are like I am, you don't WANT to have a condition that makes you unable to remain social.  But it is so difficult. Hey, if it were not for my health issues we would be adopting more children. There are so many more who need homes. That is our hearts passion. Sadly we know it is time to stop and rest.


Trying to explain what it is like having something that is not visible is difficult.  I just had to vent when I posted last night. I get so tired of having my feelings crushed. It makes me want to stay in my house and never come out again.

I get frustrated with myself for letting myself fall into a feeling of security with this person. I KNOW from past behavior that this is not a person whom I can be open and share with. It is not give and take kind of relationship. Well, I guess it is, I give and she takes. That is not how I would like it to be, but there is nothing I can do to change it.

I tried to stand my ground with her one time. That was a bad idea. I ended up being the bad one and the situation involved my parents too. If you have not guessed by now this other person is my younger sister. ;(  If I stubbed my toe, hers fell off. It has always been that way. You'd think I would have learned by now.

Thank you for all of the response. You all made good sense and helped me see things in a different light! I feel better about the situation now.

L
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can identify with all of you. I am undx, but have many symptoms; eye problems, spasms, brain fog, depression, have days my leg don't seem to understand how to put one foot in front of the other, difficulty making words, etc.

I have given up trying to explain how I feel to my family and friends.  If I'm having a bad day I just kinda cuddle in my corner.  If I can't talk I just shake my head yes or no.

Everytime I try to explain what I'm going thru, whomever I may be talking to just trys to fluff it off to something non health related.  Like, you're just stressed, you're just tired, it's the hot weather, the cold weather, etc, etc, etc.

I've just learned to talk to all of you cause I know you can understand the symtoms, the depression, the despair, and all the things that go along with having MS or especially us in Limboland that can't name what is wrong with us.

I do what I can do everyday, somedays I do more than I should and always end up paying the price.  I guess I have become a little selfish cause if I am having a bad day or days, I just let everyone around me deal with it.  They can understand or not, I have limitations now that I have to deal with and I can't control how I feel physically.  Neither can I control how the others around me feel.

I try to be the best I can and love my friends and family and try to understand that they can't understand what I am going through.  This is just something I have to deal with and if sometimes my actions don't please the ones around me, then I have come to accept that it is their problem, not mine.  I have enough to deal with without always trying to make sure I am pleasing everyone else.

I hope this doesn't sound too selfish or self serving, but I am in one of my moods of depression and despair and feeling quite sorry for myself.  I'll be better tomorrow I am sure.

I just get so upset when I read what some of you are going through and that some of the people you should be able to count on the most just aren't understanding and supportive.

I guess that is why so many of us come here for love and support, huh?  Thank you all for being here, and being so supportive to everyone.  I think this is just the greatest place with the most wonderful people I have ever met.

Hope all of you are having a good day today. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

((((hugs))))

doni

Helpful - 0
373367 tn?1246402035
Has anyone encountered a "disease-ho"?  The person in the family who thinks they are the ones who have it bad (the only one who could possibly have something wrong with them) and you should just shut up and be happy?  AKA a REAL hypochondriac??

I got told during Thanksgiving that I should just be thankful that I could actually eat my meal b/c someone she knew had to be fed through a tube!  Then, on and on about "everybody gets numbness and sharp pains in their face" , "you're making this all up in your head"  etc...

I totally understand how you feel.  I personally decided that I no longer have time for people like that and I did not let her spoil my Christmas too!  DO NOT feel bad because it is HER problem--trust me!

Stacey

Helpful - 0
198419 tn?1360242356
Hey J-Fizzle -
LOL - I missed the attention Ho comment. . .good stuff. . .That's right, I remember you and those dirty rugs. . Me too, ha/ha. . .Isn't that just some BS

ttys,
SL
Helpful - 0
251222 tn?1270936117

LOL  Attention Ho  - that is awesome, I love it!  LA, I know just what you are talking about. I've had numerous situations like this. During the Christmas season, one 'relative' made a roundabout comment about my front rug & how she is very 'picky' about her rugs. (mine had leaves - we live in a woods and have three kids, I have not been doing well, you know the drill).


Its hard to deal with. You know, yes, just how large and heavy that monster you have to carry on your back is. They will never get it, unless one day they find theirselves in similiar shoes.
Vent away, we all know just what you are going through!

jazzy



Helpful - 0
198419 tn?1360242356
HEY LATW-

I'M GLAD YOU'VE SHARED THIS WITH US, BECAUSE IT IS MS, AND/OR DISEASE RELATED, AND SOMETHING WE FACE.   WE DON'T OWE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE ANY EXPLANATION.

I HATE IT TOO, SO I END UP JUST AVOIDING MOST DISCUSSIONS ALTOGETHER.  I TRY NOT TO FEEL GUILTY WHEN I BOW OUT OF PREVIOUSLY PLANNED OUTINGS, BUT IT'S AN ONGOING STRUGGLE BETWEEN YOUR MIND, YOUR WILL, AND YOUR BODY, YOUR PAST, AND PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS OF YOU.

A GOOD FRIEND, AND FAMILY MEMBER WOULD TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR BUTT IS DRAGGING AND CAN'T MAKE IT TO THINGS, BECAUSE IT CAN VERY WELL, AND MOST TIMES DOES, SET YOU BACK FOR DAYS, OR WEEKS, BECAUSE YOU PUSHED THROUGH WHEN YOUR BODY TOLD YOU NOT TO.  

YOU GO AHEAD AND PICK AND CHOSE WHAT YOU DECIDE TO PUSH THROUGH AND WHEN YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER, BECAUSE ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU AND WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.  

KNOW IN YOUR HEART THAT YOU ARE MAKING THESE DECISIONS BASED ON THE "HERE AND NOW," YOUR BODY, AND YOUR FAMILY. . . AND THAT IS QUITE OKAY, AND, THE ONE'S WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND, WELL, THEY CAN GO, YOU KNOW, POUND SALT OR SOMETHING, SAND. . .HA/HA. . .

Be Well,
SL

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I THINK WE ALL HAVE FAMILY MEMBERS THAT ARE SELF CENTERED.MY YOUNGEST SISTER IS WHAT  I CALL AN ATTENTION HO--IF YA GET MY DRIFT.

SHE THINKS I SHOULD BE ABLE TO RUN AND GO AND DO.WELL RIGHT NOW MY GIDDY UP HAS GOTTEN UP AND GONE.

YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY NOT THIS WEEKEND ,YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING.YOU HAVE YOUR BLESSED CHILDREN AND THAT GRAND BABY.YOUR ENERGY NEEDS CONSERVED FOR THEM.

IF FAMILY TIME IS WHAT SHE WANTED WITH YA THEN SHE SHOULD COME AND HELP YOU AT YOUR HOME AND YOU'D HAVE THAT FAMILY TIME.

DEALING WITH ON IS NO FUN,IT HURTS,THE VISION IS POOR AND DISTORTED.

WITH A DX OR NOT SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO BE RUDE NOW OR EVER.

THIS IS A PROPER PLACE FOR THESE DISCUSSIONS,THIS WAY WE ALL KNOW THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE WHEN DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES.

T
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi,

I am going to answer a question with another question, have you ever been in a doctor's office with a bunch of people and they start comparing each other's symptoms to decide who is in worst shape?

Self centered people need all the attention they can get.  It does not matter how bad any body else feels, as long as it does not get in their way.  They do not care if you have a dx or not, even if they have the same dx, their symptoms are worst than yours.  Self centered people need to be in the spotlight all the time and an simple headache would kill them and they need someone to pamper them, but they cannot help anybody else because they do not know how.  They are not bad people they were never taught that there were not the only ones on earth and that just as they need to be taken care of, there were other people with other needs too.  Am I making any sense here, or is it my MS getting the best of me?

You and your husband are part of those special people that I have posted about in previous occasions.  I have written that the Lord chose us to have MS because only special people were selected by Him to have MS or possible MS, or even to be in limbo land.  The way I see it is He does not make any mistakes, so we are His special people.

You and your husband are doing Him a great service by adopting somebody elses kids, provide for them and He has blessed you with a grandkid.  You really must be SPECIAL.

I have been dealing with what we all now know as MS for the past 12 years, but for as long as I can remember I have had MS symptoms, but did not know the monster's name.  I have had a lot of ON, sometimes for little while and some for a long time.  My last one was just this past December.  Because of it, I have to wear an eye patch for at least 18 hours a day for the next 6 months to year, on a trial basis, to see if I can recover my "normal vision" due to double vision. I hope it works, if not, life goes on.

I hope that I have helped a bit, keep us posted and do not loose your faith.

Remember:  we have MS, but MS does not have us!!!!!!!!

Gooddays

Helpful - 0
233622 tn?1279334905
Should have mentioned she does know how many children I have and how much work it takes to care for them and STILL she manages to stick it to me. : (
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