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398059 tn?1447945633

The next few weeks

I have mentioned that we will have to move out our house we have lived in for the last ten years.  The next two weeks will be quite emotional, difficult to deal with. The bank will be taking ownership of our house and we have to vacate this place.

All the MS symptoms and the effects on my family will be painful for all of us these coming weeks.  We have purposely left some of the moving tasks till after Christmas just to make the holiday a bit more enjoyable.

Our friends and family are for the most part being good to us.  We will be moving in with two sets of friends with my youngest son living with close friends of his; my wife and I with some other fiends.  My oldest son will be back at college.

Until an apartment of our choosing is available we  will live in this separated manner.  As soon as an apartment is arranged we will all rejoin as a single family unit.
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398059 tn?1447945633
I have to ask her.  But, seeing as this is the internet I do not think we can object too much.

She tries to keep privacy more than I.  Actually she might get angry with me over this in that she might want to publish it.

I kinda screwed up in posting it.
Helpful - 0
572651 tn?1530999357
I believe I'm not being presumptuous in saying  that your story and your wife's words touch us all here.  It doesn't escape us that your plight could be happening to each and every one of us.  

Difficult times often bring out the best in us -  the words you share tells me that you will come through this and be ok on the other side.  Please tell your wife how much her poem meant to me - the imagery moved me deeply.

The quick apartment sounds promising - I sure hope that happens.

hugs, Lulu

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Avatar universal
Your wife's poem is absolutely beautiful.  I love writing...will she mind if I use if for my one of my classes I'm teaching this semester?  I'm so glad God is answering all our prayers for this to be a hidden wonder...
LPT
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398059 tn?1447945633
I talked the the apartment complex we are planning to move in to.  Looks like the will have an apartment for us almost right away.  We might only need to leave our stuff in a moving truck for a day or two instead of moving it to someone else's place for a couple months.

Hope this works out.  This would make things so much simpler.
Helpful - 0
721523 tn?1331581802
Your stength motivates me.  i love that you paid it forward and God is returning it to you!  You must keep sharing your story here and with all who will listen.  This country needs to know that we can be here for each other in times of personal chrisis.  we are not all greed little !@#!@#!@.  

Love you you and your family!  Keep the outlook as apsitive as you can, and sing the priaises of those put in your life for such a time as this!

Opie Ann
Helpful - 0
338416 tn?1420045702
The hardest words to say are "I need help."  I know that to be true - I've had to ask for help in the last year to get things done, and it's very difficult.  Sometimes it's easier just to struggle through it myself!

MCBCON, that's a great poem that your wife wrote.  
Helpful - 0
704043 tn?1298056844
Big hugs  tick-  hang tough- nothing like getting kicked when your down..
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398059 tn?1447945633
Things going to Salvation Army, some Book to Books by Chance, Some things on Craigs List, some in storage at a friends.

Our stuff is being divided as will we.  As a family we will reunite when an apartment is available.

We decided to have an "empty house" party inviting all our friends and family when everything is gone, celebrating the dreams and memories we had in this place.

We will leave little cutout shadows of ourselves on the walls and floor for the mortgage company people to see when come to take over the house.



thoughts from my wife:

It is hard to do the work of leaving,
so we turn up the music.
We play Barioni, “Nessun Dorma,”  
and Bjorling and Nicolai Gedda.
Earlier we went room to room,
picking through belongings, sorting.
I found a container of toy cars you loved as a boy,
a black Ferrarri and a black Murcielago.  
You race them around the bedroom carpet, 7 again, not 18,
open all the doors to show how they work, open the hood.
I found a wooden rattle and a little purple felt mouse you stitched in school.
Georges Thill hits a high C and the note hangs in the air
touching every nerve in my shaking body.
  Tenor voices
elevate our sorrow and we retreat to chairs .
Tired.
We talk about language. The safety of words about words.
If I could sing, I might break my own heart.  

A friend said once, a person can live anywhere for a short time.
I'm living in the air where Georges Thill's voice soars,
over all this, over and through.

What will the new people hear?
Music leak out of the walls in the shadows of early morning.
Arias in the shower, a soft murmur from the basement vents.
Jusse singing “O Helga Natt” or the sound of ten years
compressed into one last climbing scale.

When we shut the door, it will be La Boheme I hear,
I'll hear Bizet, not a small voice saying “goodbye.”
Helpful - 0
1394601 tn?1328032308
Another way to look at this...you are giving the opportunity for another to make merit by doing good deeds.  The giver feels good about themselves.  They are blessed to help another.  You really wouldn't want to take that feeling away from them?  I think most of us have been on both sides of the fence.  When we hand money. food or other necessities to  one in need, it makes us feel good to be of help.  Surely, your friends feel the same way.

Please try to receive their gifts with joy.  Remember that feeling you had giving to another.  Don't take that feeling from them.  Besides, from what  you have told us about MCBCON, once he is on his feet, I see a twenty dollar bill being handed to another in need.  

Again, McBCON, it is harder for men to accept but use that beautiful mind and consider how the giver feels.

Hugs for  you,
Sumana
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1312898 tn?1314568133
I am so happy to hear that people are helping you!  I have heard that it is humbling to receive.  Is that how it feels to you?

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398059 tn?1447945633
I cannot figure things out.  Some people keep giving to us and are not asking anything in return.

How can we accept so much knowing these debts are actually real gifts being given to us so openly.  In other words I know we will not be able to repay their kindness.

When I used to work in Detroit.  It was so easy to find people in real need.  There were/are so many people in need and living on the streets it was hard to  figure out how to begin to help.  Giving was easy though because we were blessed with talents and financial luck.

I got to know people living on the streets; I was able to figure out who really need help and who was mostly trying scam.  When I figured out who was in need we found ways of supplementing their income.  For a couple people we simply found them an apartment and paid their rent in order to get them off the street.  We never worked through social organizations because of the politics and overhead in both time and money.

Now we are in need, but not in the dire need of having to live on the streets.  But, my wife and I are much more impoverished than before and we are both chronically ill.

It is so strange to have to accept help from others instead of being the one giving the aid.  I feel embarrassed having to accept help from these gracious people.  Yet, all I can do is say thank you over and over.

Because of my work before the MS, I have earned enough hours and financial credits to receive enough money from disability, SSI and Medicare that we will be able to afford a decent apartment.  In a couple weeks we will be out of this house.  After a short while of living with friends we will be able to get an apartment.

Helpful - 0
1312898 tn?1314568133
This is so horrible, such a glimpse of the greedy and preying state of our country.

This is a devastating trauma to all of you!  I am so sorry.  

This happened to me in 2008.   I/we were the first wave of people to lose our home through the Wall street greed we now call subprime lending.

I won't get into that now.

It's not that the things are little that you are getting upset about....it's about the excruciatingly painful life/dreams you have now been forced to leave behind.   Those 'little' things are triggers.  Allow yourselves to grieve this together.  Take the things that can't be replaced and leave what you can't take....don't let anyone guilt you about this either.

We left so much behind.  

When our time ran out, we loaded what we could in our cars.  We sat outside sobbing and holding each other----I kept saying..."what a dream we had...what a time we had" over and over.  

Let yourselves cry.  

There will be people..friends...and family who may judge you.  Tell them to shove it.  

Please tell us how things are going if you can even throughout the day.  Just a few words if you can

((((Hugs))))
Red



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398059 tn?1447945633
rising tensions as we are boxing what to sell or keep of just throw out.  hard to not angry over little things.  we are working on keeping our feelings from taking over.
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your home.  The economy has seen better days - as I'm sure you have, too.  
At least you have your wife to lean on during this difficult time. And you have us to lean on as well.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.
-Kelly    
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739070 tn?1338603402
HI,
I just wanted to chime in, a little late perhaps but none the less sincere, how sorry I am that you and your family have to endure this terrible hardship. I know how much it would affect my kids. Heartache on top of financial hardships would make them behave similar to yours. It's the only control they feel they have in this situation...to not participate in what is disassembling there world.

I am so glad your friends are stepping up to the late to help. As for your family, it seems your sister helps when she can because she's walking in the same shoes.

Take a day at a time, an hour at an time or even a minute at a time and you WILL make it through this.

Sending more ripples,
Ren
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338416 tn?1420045702
How's the packing coming?  
Helpful - 0
147426 tn?1317265632
I am so dismayed at this happening to you and pleased that you have friends who are stepping in to support you and help.  I can't imagine the trauma of the loss of your home coupled with seeing your family separate in order to cope with the situation.  You will be in my thoughts and meditations that your family emerges stronger, that the kids be able to accept this and that your symptoms do do swing out of control.

Take care, my friend and know we will all do ANYTHING if it would help and you let us know.

Sending good ripples....

Quix
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721523 tn?1331581802
Hang in there!  praying for you!
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398059 tn?1447945633
We worked on packing today.  But, I would have wanted to make more progress.  I think our fatigue and the fact that we really do not want to move our stuff slows us down quite a bit.
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398059 tn?1447945633
Jen,

I am deeply religious which leads me to be certain no one should take my advice on the subject of religion.

Michael
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338416 tn?1420045702
This will be a very difficult time for everyone - I can't imagine what you're going through!  It just sounds horrible.  Are you church-going folk?  Some churches have counseling services, and help families through these situations.  My father's a pastor, and will go out and visit folks that need it.

Personally, I'm an atheist, but unfortunately there aren't a lot of charity services out there that offer counseling in a secular format.
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1394601 tn?1328032308
My sons have had to step up to the plate because their father is unable to do household maintenance.  Not that he isn't willing.  He just doesn't have the skills.  I did all those things.  In fact, our home needs new paint outside this year.  I have divided the house between my sons, friends and family.  Each has their own wall.  One of my DIL asked if they could choose the color for each of their walls..lol

It is hard to ask for help and I try to limit how much I ask.  However, if they know in advance and given it to be done in their own time, I usually get what I need from them.  For instance, the house painting will be done in April and May.  During that time period, I don't care when they come to work on their wall.  They can do two hours and return in two weeks...Just so it is done by the end of May, I will be happy.

I always have foods prepared in the freezer to take out for both the veggies and meat lovers.  I have favorite drinks on hand.  They are fed and watered as needed...lol...But this house is huge and old.  It would cost a fortune to have it done.  Plus, the boys need to feel needed too.  It is part of being a family.  Your sons get more than you know by giving and doing for you.  It is a life lesson.  Trust me on this!!!
Helpful - 0
398059 tn?1447945633
Thanks Lulu,

My son's school is in fully aware of our situation and they are being quite helpful.

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572651 tn?1530999357
It can be no consolation to you to know that you are not alone in this type of nightmare - these foreclosures are happening all over the country at alarming rates and to a variety of people.

If your younger son is school age, please let the principal/teachers know of the changes you are facing.  They may be able to help with extra resources or even sympathetic ears for him.  

Your friends are stepping up to help because they see a need and probably understand the situation more than your own family.  It often takes someone on the outside to see the whole picture.  Regardless of the reason, I am grateful to your friends for their efforts.  

Pace yourself and please don't forget to be kind to yourself and your wife.  You both deserve lots of extra hugs with what you are facing.

and here's an extra hug from me, Lulu
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