This Is No Country For Animals

Last night was an adventure for the livestock around this house.  I was trying to get much needed sleep and I really wanted my litttle Abby on my lap.  She came and stood in front of my recliner and implored.  I patted my right knee and the leg jumped out and kicked her.  Poor girl.  I finally fell asleep, but was awakened by a commotion outside the french door to my room that was open to the back deck.

I looked up and saw the hem of my curtain disappearing to the outside.  There is a little raccoon kit that uses that ruse to get my attention.  But, then I heard a cat growl and decided my presence was needed.  I stood up too fast and got my feet entangled in the sheet and blanket in front of my recliner.  As I tried to extricate my feet I stumbled and kicked over a squirt bottle of Windex, which gave me an idea.  This was just as I saw the throw rug at my door start to disappear through the door.  I was being raided.

By this time I was annoyed and still sleepy.  I stumbled to the door , Windex bottle in hand and looked at to see six little faces looking up as if I ws coming out to play.  Charging out, squirting ahead madly, the first blast was straight into my chest.  This just made me mad.  I turned the bottle around and squirted everything I saw.  About a yard onto the deck, stepping on the pinecones and twigs blown in by the last wind, my feet got caught in something cold and slippery.  Trying to keep upright, I had the onset of an Epic Flood, but no mice in sight.

Losing a bladder full with a tiny pinecone embedded in the sole of my foot I frankensteined it back into my room.  It was still not clear what was going on.  I flipped the deck light on and aimed the Windex at anything that might move.  By now there are no live creatures on the deck, coon or feline.  It reeked of ammonia, though.  What I did see, though, was a line of my panties - the one I stepped on, another about a yard down, and the third about ten feet beyond that.  The little buggers were on a panty-raid and had snatched them off a pile of clean clothes on a chair near the door!

I'll never know if one of those guys returned to the frat house with the most coveted prize.

By the time I collected the errant panties, took care of the flooding, calmed the cats and made up with Abby, I was wide awake.

Does this count as MS insomnia?

I'm almost afraid to try sleeping tonight.  I've hidden the laundry and learned not to tap my knee.  The Windex is by the door (and it's already aimed AWAY from me).

Life has become so complex.

Quix, the beleagered.

[supermum_ms]

Now my dear Quix, how long have you been seeing (wink wink) all these laundry loving little creatures ROFL!!

What can you do about panty raiding racoon's? I'm sure men in white coats would come a knocking if you tried explaining your little adventuous creatures to some type of authority, so i'm not sure how to go about messing with their frat party.

Hope you get some sleep!!

Cheers.......JJ

[sllowe]

Hahahahahahahhaahh

Only you. And, only you could describe such escapades with such vision and humor.
Maybe they planned on using them as hats. It is getting a little chilly in the evenings.
Thanks Doc Q for the laughs!

I can't stop laughing

[twopack]

QUIX SAID: "I've hidden the laundry and learned not to tap my knee.  The Windex is by the door (and it's already aimed AWAY from me)."

Go ahead and let yourself feel like you've got it all under control now.  Maybe it will help you get a little rest today.  But if you think the little rascals will play out a repeat performance ............ are you kidding me?  By tonight, they will have had all day to dream up something new.

They are young. They are multiples.  They have a leader.  You are being twisted by a tool with a drink named after it (longhand for the word I can't use here).

On a positive note, it sounds like your ankle responded well!

Mary

[Deb61]

Hehehehehehehehe

We've gotten raccoons in the house hear in Texas via our walk-in attic which somehow they got in through tearing off a screen to a gutter.

If only they would raid my husband's panty (oops, underwear) drawer!  He won't even let me use his holey underwear for dusting rags!  

[twopack]

Of course he won't Deb!  Men don't throw away their underwear (or give them up for dust).  They wear them until they vaporize.................(fading out)......................


(tsk, tsk, silly girl)
Mary

[Sailorsong]

Quix,

    Have you ever considered becoming a writer? With your adventures you could fill volumes of books with them. :)

   We have lots of raccoons around here but they stay in the woods. My friend Dave sets up wildlife cameras in the 30 acres he owns and has gotten pictures of them on it quite often. On time we counted 27 in just one picture. It probably helps to keep them in the woods because he puts out corn for the deer and they spend the nights feasting on it. They show up at dusk and stay until dawn.

Dennis
  

[Weakandfalling]

You have me laughing so hard!!!  I love your adventures!!! Keep them coming!!  You should be an MS humor writer!!

WAF

[Audrey_M]

Never a dull moment from you, nor a dull way of telling a story! You had me on the edge of my seat, wondering what was going to happen next!

And yes, I agree with JJ...we don't want to read about some retired pediatrician being hauled away by men in white coats!

Thanks for making me laugh!

Audrey

[Lulu54]

You have all the fun!!! - Lu

[Audrey_M]

Trying to picture if the raccoons were wearing thongs, full briefs or something in between!

Ladies never tell...LOL.

Audrey

[rendean]

Great story!!!!!

[RedFlame]

You're hysterical Quix, in a sort of gallows humor.  Anyone that can find humor in all of this has already won this disease over.

I think you should sleep in your recliner surrounded by lots of chocolate.  Perhaps stop drinking after 7:00 tonight to hopefully preclude a 'wet run'.  Hunker down in your chair with pillows and the remote control and of course your laptop.  

I do hope you can get some rest!!

Red

[Quixotic1]

Oh, Mary, you remind me of a hysterical scene when I was in practice in the rural town in Nevada.  Now this town was made up of farmers and ranchers - and of, course the Naval Air Base.  Just to give some of the town flavor, the most popular PE elective was Rodeo.

I was sitting at the nurses' station one morning.  It was situated so that the doors of all the rooms were visible.  Suddenly we hear women screaming and looked up to see Old Ed.  Old Ed was older than the dirt on his ranch and stuck in his ways.  He was less than 100 but was so wizened by the sun that he looked at least twice his age.  He was scrawniy, wrinkled and full of p!ss and vinegar.  He'd left some brain cells out on the range also.

I wasn't aware of men's attachment to their underwear until now.  Old Ed had one pair of shorts.  These were - some decades ago, mind you - bright, orange nylon.  Now they were faded and literally transparent, and held up by a piece of string, but all attempts to replace were met with fierce possessiveness.  Old Ed had awakened this morning, a bit disoriented.  He was walking down the corridor wearing his cowboy hat, his boots and his saggy, orange, transparent boxers.  He had walked into a room with two sick, elderly ladies and was demanding his jeans from them.

As the nurse guided him back to his room he was hollering "Where'r my Pants?!!  Where'r my Pants?!"

I didn't know this was a gender issue.  Men - any comments?

Quix

[Sailorsong]

Well if that is true about men there is one more way I'm not like most men.  :)

Ways I am different:

1) Don't like to watch sports.
2) Don't like beer
3) Throw away underwear as soon as they become slightly worn.
4) Like to sew, crochet, knit, and tat ( if anyone even remembers what that is).
5) Like to bake and cook.
6) Don't like to work on cars / trucks. ( Wouldn't even know how if my life depended on it)
7) Like chick flixs.

Dennis

7)

[PastorDan]

I've been meaning to get around to cleaning out that drawer, just been too busy.  I have been buying replacements, even trying some different styles.  No, no thongs.

Oh, Q: If that had been around here, those would not have been raccoons.  They'd be skunks!  Get yourself a screen door, woman!

[Sailorsong]

Quix,

  Just had a thought. Yeah I get one no and then..

  It was the raccoons that took my pans. They wanted to try cooking the corn Dave puts out. :)

Dennis