To the Forum

Well, you probably all knew this was coming.

I've always been up front with you that I am sure that I get far more out of this forum than I could possibly give anyone else.  You provide me with a sense of purpose and validation.  I get the satisfaction of being effective and important in others' lives.  My ego rides up and down with the life of the forum.  You are the first thing I check on in the morning and the last at night and a dozen or so times in between.  I feel I am finally getting over losing the ability to practice and have found friends here that I will have and love forever.

You also know that my psychological well-being is deeply affected by our relationship here.  In times before I have been self-doubting, frustrated, depressed and it has shown up in my posts.  I have apologized sometimes and explained sometimes and rambled sometimes.  You soak it up, bounce it off, pet it away, and I love you all for it.

Now, you have seen me explode in anger.  I am still reeling from the implication that hours of my work and energy were prompted a mean-spirited need to bash someone else.  

However, I am adamant that no one ever feel that I dominate this forum in a way that filters who comes, who chats, or who doesn't.  The statement I made was an announcement of my own intent to withdraw from a relationship and only that.  I hope the interchange causes no one to leave or be uncomfortable.

We often talk about doctors and their egos - and I try to be aware of mine and when it is in speaking up.  A strong ego was certainly a necessity 30+ years ago when I entered medicine as a woman, but I should not let it play me.  We bare so much of our souls on this forum that sometimes I find it hard to restrain what wells up in me.  To the extent that my response was ego-driven, I apologize to all who read it.  To the extent that I was expressing the deep, personal anger that I felt - I stand with it.

Quix

[floridamom2]

Thanks for all your help and advice in the past.  I will be leaving the forum now as I seam to have difficulty communicating without saying something wrong or offending someone.

Best of luck to you all and God Bless!
Kristin

[Quixotic1]

What!!  Who could you possibly have EVER offended?  Would you have posted that if I had not said what I did above about my response to savagek?  If not, then I regret it 1000 times over!  You are a mainstay of our group.  When I spoke who comes or who goes, it was not in response to taking a Lyme discussion to a Lyme forum.  I have certainly made that kind of remark before.  It was in making sure that I wasn't telling anyone who to talk to.

Oh, no.  I should have left well enough alone.  Kristin, please.... I am such a dolt

Please, please EVERYONE - ignore the post above - do not respond!  I didn't write it!  I am in tears, please, I was not criticising ANYONE.  I just wanted to explain my anger at Rob.  It was childish.  It didn't need doing.

please

[sllowe]

What YOU - Quix has given to this forum:

Welcome to our forum, this is where we all get together and discuss are fears, our symptoms, our illness.  We combine that with humor, empathy and sometimes healthy debate, and sometimes tears.

This forum is pleased to announce Quix, our resident Dr and subject matter expert.  If Quix does not know how to help initially, she will dig for answers, prepare responses for all to interpret (regardless of our individual knowledge or experience), and it's posted for all of us in a way that can be understood and can also be backed up in medical research.  

Like family, sometimes there are disagreements, it happens.  There is no monopolizing, it just doesn't happen, I've yet to see that.  Back up, that's what we do here, we back up each other when we can, or sometimes we disagree, it happens.  When apologies are in order they are sent, and they should be received.  

Our forum is a quaint mix of people from around the globe, and in each others own minds we hear accents, tones, and can somehow sense frustration, joy and sorrow and fear in the words on the screen.  Somehow most all of us find something to say, even when we can't provide answers or diagnosis. We put one another at ease.

Quix, you ground this forum, you've made it ALL it is, you give it credibility, not just credability, but you give it - it's strength, it's backbone, your provide all your knowledge and most importantly your heart.  

As far as having an ego, well, I disagree.  You are very diplomatic! You are a woman who is not driven by ego, you care deeply about what you specialize it and you want people to know their medical options.  You are a strong woman, a smart woman, and one who is completely driven by....................Passion!  Not ego.  It's passion and compasion.

I hope I haven't said this all wrong, I hope some can read between the lines and insert what I've missed, I can ramble, and I pray it didn't come out all wrong.

I also feel that most all here are compelled in the same way, we were seeking answers to our questions, and we discovered treasures. . .lots and lots of them, from all over the world.

Thank you Quix for everything. . .thank you for being you.  

p.s. Don't ever leave - k ?

[floridamom2]

I too am in tears and I truly apologize!  I am not very well mentally right now and I took your post to mean that I told him he could not come back or should not.  I am not feeling well and my depression always rears it's head and causes me to think I am the cause for all unjust in this world when it does.

I am so sorry I upset you and please know I understand what you are saying now.

I am seeing a psychiatrist next week.
Sorry!!!
Kristin

[monotreme]

Quix, you did nothing!!!!  You are a wonderful caring person with great knowledge and have and continue to be very professional in all of your posts.  I think everyone knows who  the post was about and it was well stated and not offensive in any way.  Please do not feel responsible for how anyone reacts.  We are all your friends and need you.  You add life to the forum and are a source of smiles for me when I see evidence of your quick sense of humor in your posts.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Please Quix, take my comments to heart and feel good about yourself.  Where are those kitties????!!!!........Craig  

[grannyhotwheels]

Kristin, if you leave then that means I would have to leave because I backed you up word for word on everything you said.   "BUT" I have no intention of leaving.  I love this group so much.  Do you want to know why I am so strong and why I have such a good attitude?  It's because of you people right here.  Before I joined you all I was a depressed, self pitying, cry baby who thought I had been dealt the wrong hand.

My strength comes from you all right here.  Kristin, I think of you as a sister just like Quix, Zilla, (**** every ones name just left me) You know who you are. We are family held together by our own perseverance.  We love and care for each other and are the only ones who understands what each of us really feel.  

We back each other up just like we did in that forum.  We stood up for Quix because we love her and then when one of us was ridiculed for doing that we stood up for that person.  Am I wrong or isn't that what family is supposed to do for each other?

Please do not leave because of this.  If you must leave do it because your hands got blown off by a grenade or something like that. (had to break the ice)

I just want each and everyone of you that I will always have your back and I know you will always have mine.  The first thing I do in the morning is pray that all of you had a safe night and the last thing I do is pray that you all had a safe day.  

I will be praying,
Carol

[floridamom2]

Not going anywhere!!  Sorry for the drama  - thought it was a bit quiet around here tonight and had to liven you guys up a bit!  LOL!

I am sorry to have caused Quix any pain - I am a bit emotional and not the sanest person in the world right now.  

I hope you all have a great night sleep and dream of wonderful weanie roasts and your next pair of Hot pants!!

Take care!
Kristin - aka Psychogirl    

[Quixotic1]

Oh!...you'll never believe this.  I was crying at the screen and Clyde, the baby (kittens are usually oblivious to emotions) got all upset and climbed up to suckle.  I was crying and holding her, and typing with one hand.  I now have the two biggiest hickies I have ever had, and they are so big they hurt!  She's going to be an empathetic one.  So much for drama.

Thanks, guys, but lets let this one slide down the page and off into the realm of song and fable.

Kristin is staying!  We'll have our S'Mores!

Quix

[grannyhotwheels]

I got so caught up in talking with Kristin that I forgot to tell you how I feel about what all you do here.  bad bad me

I have never in my life seen someone so dedicated to making sure every one on this forum has the actual facts.  It's never no "I think" or "maybe" with you it's you either know right then or you will get back with them when you've had a chance to find out.  I respect that so much about you.

All I can say is you must have been one magnificent doctor.  I would have been proud to take my children to you.  Because I would have trusted their lives in your hands.  For me to say that you have to know I have only the highest admiration for you.

I pray that you will never change.  Show all your emotions and be yourself.  Get mad if you want to.  It's lives you are helping here and if they are to arrogant to see that then that is their problem.  Please Quix, never change.

I'll be praying,
Carol

[pennst8r]

You are the backbone of this forum and we LOVE you for it. You never represent yourself as anything that you are not; you never offer an opinion that is not asked for; and you most certainly do not attempt to dominate the forum. You most assuredly do SHINE among among our eclectic little family, but I suspect you'd shine wherever you are. You are the den mother, the mama bear, and your cubs will defend you to the end. You are one of those extremely rare, deeply beautiful people who cannot help but stand out in this world. Please don't ever feel you can't show your emotions - you certainly spend enough time putting up with ours. You're human; we get mad and we get over it with help from our friends, even ones we'll most likely never meet in person. I have never seen someone put so much effort into helping people when you have your own issues you deal with too. Besides, you're a great partner in comic relief to so many of us - we all need to laugh more.

Whatever you do - do not change. We love you just the way you are, even if you don't know your own horse's name...lol

Hugs,

Penn

[klesniak]

Aloha! I know I haven't been here more than a week, although your posts have been educating and inspirational. You really gave me a reality check. The medical system in Maui is lacking professionalism, time, and compassion. Many of our Dr's have more patients than the Dr's have the time for them. They don't have the time for anything trival and so if a illness, disease, etc isn't visiable than they don't have time to diagnose. I am sure its not because they don't want to, several of the Dr's I've seen do what ever it takes and many don't. I want nothing more to be a nurse, I've let myself get sucked into the lack of time and desire (probably from exhaustation) the Neuro Dr's have to let myself go. I'm loosing feeling and after reading your inspirational post I've regained my hope to find a Dr. in the mainland to get a Neuro Dr. that is knowledgable and hopefully willing to help.

Thank  you for your kindness & knowledge. By the way, 20 years ago I had a problem with my stomach, the Dr's kept telling me it was a emotional stomach, take tagament, and get over it. Only to find out 5 years ago I had 4 bleeding ulcers. The men Dr's were difficult to work as a patient, I couldn't imagine what it was like 30 years ago as a women Dr. I value your dedication, your willingness to help others, even after you can not work as a Dr. It takes a special person like yourself.

Aloha!
Karrie

[frann]

It is a sunny, breezy Sunday in NY...
This is the day the Lord has made , let us rejoice and be glad in it!
We are all here to spend time with those who have been through so much and have found this wonderful place and wonderful friends to share with...friends we can bear our souls to.

Quix, you have been a lifeline to me, someone who has spent time and energy even when it was zapped... i will never forget you for this, especially when you consoled me about my grandson...
PLEASE, take care of yourself physically & spiritually.

We do rely on you alot & sometimes i feel like we can be like your little kitties... suckling a little too much... are we all giving you hickeys too???

This is the forum for us to be encouraging and even share some humor and keep each other in prayer ( right, grannyhotwheels)
Kristen, please stay with us, you are such a dear person, don't be hard on yourself... we need you here too.

I treasure beyond measure everyone i have met through this forum... i also start my morning and end my day with all of you.

GOD bless each and everyone of you.
Frann

[Jazzyfizzle]

Hi Quix,

Everyone has said so well already what I wanted to say. And definitely Frann when she says that maybe we take a bit too much from you. I worry that you feel responsible for all of us, and we do cling to you and rely on you, and I'm sure that is a load to carry.
We have to remember that all of us have so much to deal with on a daily basis, and I think it adds such an emotional element. How could we not feel emotional living the way we have to.
I treasure you as a dear friend, as well as everyone here.

Hugs
Jazzy

[Roxie0818]

If it weren't for this forum.........where else would I take my dimwit doctor and his 500 mg IV solumedrol too??????  I tell my friends all about this place, although she doesnt see the humor in the weenie roast.......I still MAKE her listen!!!!!!!  :)  
I always thought when you look on line for stuff/answers/asking other questions.. you take that information and look into it.    
Anyway, just wanted to say HI and I enjoy being here.. thanks for letting me be a part of this family.
Take Care
Roxanne

[Rutey]

Im new to this forum, amd LOVE it. The information on here is invaluable,and the LAUGHS I get on here are PRICELESS. I sincerely hope noone is going anywhere and staying to share their stories.

Besides, Im a redneck chick from Fl, and I need you guys for moral support.

Did I tell you guys, I have a potbelly pig named Pooty, that sits at my feet while I type.He says hello, and to continue typing! He loves the reading.

Rutey

[doni54]

Was kinda lost when I read quix post so I looked up the thread you guys were talking about.  I hadn't read it because everytime I see the Lyme issue I know it will just end up in a heated unresolved mess, so I don't even read them.

I am not a judgmental person, but I agree that most times the Lyme advocates just want to start problems.  I don't know if it is because most of us here are so close and supportive of each other and we have such a close relationship between most of us.  Sometimes negative people don't want to see a tight knit group of people sharing and caring like we all do.  The best way to ruin this wonderful site is to put anger and turmoil into it's threads.

I agree that this forum is open to all, and we all want to help and support anyone who needs us, but....I haven't been a part of this site for very long, but I love you all and you are the best group of people I have ever had the good fortune to know.  

Let us not let anyone...ever...cause friction or for a wonderful person like you Kristin - aka Psychogirl, get so upset you think of not being here with us.  In my convoluted opinion...that is what these kind of people want...............to destroy what is good.  

Carol, Quix, Zilla............you are all the greatest.  You are always here for me with an encouraging word (and boy I've needed them lately).  You have enough to deal with daily with all the health concerns, you do not need to be upset over these people who always, without fail, cause an uproar on our beautiful forum.  

My hope is that if these persons want to join our site and talk with each other that is their right, but for us to get involved and upset should not happen anymore.  Let them talk among themselves and we can just not be involved, as they don't seem to want any of quix educated thoughts or any responses from anyone unless they agree with everything they say.

Last but not least, welcome Rutey, I have just caught up with some of your posts and you sound like a super duper redneck to me!!!!   You are being welcomed by a good ole Alabama redneck, yee haw!!  Glad you are with us!

Love to you all

Doni

[Momzilla]

Oh............my............gosh.

I have never in my life heard such emotional blather.  It's a good thing I missed all this yesterday, or I'd have had another seizure!  While I was eating Bratwurst and German potatoes at the Oktoberfest at church yesterday, you girls and boys were falling apart!  Thank goodness I was busy getting indigestion through my alimentary canal and not by reading this drivel!

Kristin~~Where would we be without you?  You are so encouraging to everyone.  So kind.  You jump right in when someone needs it with the sweetest words and a prayer.  

You took the words right out of my keyboard on the Lyme discussion.  I wanted to shoo everyone out, too, myself included.  No one took offense at your post, I'm sure.  Those Lyme discussions get nasty.  We're all going to have to agree to just back out of them, ignore them when those "two certain Lymies" start talking.  Nothing good ever comes of it.  

I hope your depression gets better, and that your appointment goes well next week.  You'd better not go anywhere!  We will hunt you down!  

Craig~~It's so good to have you around here, too, for support and a level head.  Notice I didn't say steady walk!  But you do have a  a kind word always for everyone, and have been a great support to Quix and the forum.  Your engineering mind lends itself well to us!  Thanks for all you do!

SL ~~ We don't talk much, but you are such a mainstay here, as well, such a vital part of the forum.  You welcome all the newbies so nicely, and support the "oldies, but goodies."  I love reading your posts.  Thank you, too!

Penn~~ What can I say?  Look out for the orange jumpsuit, sister.  That's all I'm saying.  I've enjoyed our banter lately, and really appreciate the way you defend the Den Mother.  Jolly Good Show.  Rocicante*

Carol~~It's hard for me to say how I feel about you.  I hope you know.  Please, please go out and buy yourself some really short, low slung shorts this week.  Enough said.  

Not really enough said.  I love how you say what you mean and mean what you say.  And your attitude blows me away.  Puts me to shame.  Hang tough.

Quixotic~~I'd love to see the hickies. I'd send you one myself if I could.  You da Man.  Love ya.

Karrie~~Aloha!  Thanks for jumping in here!  I hope you make yourself at home with all these wackos.  Couldn't find a better group of people.  Feel well.

Ta Ta For Now~~

Twinkle Toes*

[Momzilla]

Oops!

I started this post before I started lunch and came back after, and saw I left out quite a few!  So sorry!

Frann~~You are the voice of reason and kindness in our little corner here.  Truly.  So sweet.  I want to behave myself around you, dagnabbit!  You are such a good support to others and, I think to Quix, especially.  Feel well!

Jazzy~~ Still LOVE the name!  You are so dear!  I picture you as this energetic, bouncy friend-to-all, even though I know you don't feel well at all.    You're such a good fit in this forum, and have been from the beginning.  You respond to others so nicely and welcome people so kindly.  Take care of yourself!

Roxie~~I hope you are feeling better!  I worried about you this weekend!  I know the weenie roast may seem harsh, but it really is necessary at times!  Your friend WILL come around!  Take care and let us know how you are!

Rutey~~You are just the cutest!  You have just fit right in immediately, too!  I hope we can help you get some answers so you can get some relief, but, hopefully we can take our time about it, so you don't go away anytime too soon!  ; )

Doni~~Glad to hear from you, Girlfriend!  You are always there with a kind word for everyone, too, even when you are suffering yourself.  You're the sweetest!  Take care of yourself!  Keep us posted on how you're feeling, OK?

If I forget anyone else....I'll be back!

Zilla*

[uk2]

I have not a scooby doo what everyone is talking about here so i must of missed something along the way!!

Its always emotional when people fall out, and it must be so hard for you Quix as you have grown to love so many on here and supported us all.

People have to remember that it is only a opinion that you give or any of us give.

You are a amazing ladie and we love you lotsXX

Fran

It is always Gods day and he makes are ups and downs and is always there to help us. I too have found this forum a life line and God Bless you fran and Quix and everyone of us on here. x

[Quixotic1]

Drivel????  are you getting back at me for the ballerina crack? Q

[frann]

Zilla,
You are such a sweetie taking time to send your "star dust" messages to us all... that is how i picture you, you little ballerina you... remember what i told you in another thread.. when you are dancing twinkle toes, if you fall or upchuck... i will pick you up or clean it up... i mean it... that's what friends are for... right?

uk2,
You know what iam glad you missed it all.. better off... reflect on the blessings... and you are a blessing too.

Thanks for letting me share and if i can help anyone feel a little better, it is a good day,
Isn't that what we all want.

GOD BLESS.
Frann

[Ramraji]

This forum is truly now a family!
Quix you are super valuable part of this forum and not only for your medical knowledge. Your sharp wit and sense of humor combined with your compassionate spirit are what make this forum an oasis for so many.

ALL, In a family you have many personalities and they sometimes clash. You can chose your friends but your family is your family and you have to love 'em despite all there flaws. This group is family through adoption like a sister and brotherhood. We are all like combat veterans whose deep friendships were forged under mutally stressful events.

We are all are here to help eachother deal with our illness and I believe that everyones motives here are to help and not to hurt. We should give eachother the benefit of the doubt even if we disagree with the other person.

This place is great! You guys are great SL, Zilla, Granny, Kristen, Jazzy, Rutley JonM, UK2, Frann, Doni, Penn, Karrie, Roxie, Craig We can't afford to lose anyone because you don't give up on your family.

Just my 2 cents, Rick

[pennst8r]

Well said!

Penn

PS we think you're pretty great too

[Nanners123]

Wow have I missed quit a bit!!! You have all spoken so eloquently. I have truly appreciated all the love, support and expertise that each of you brings. I think that Zilla captured those nicely.

As my youngest daughter's friend said a few weeks ago, putting her arms around the neighborhood gang, 'We are all family in our own way'. I think this speaks perfectly this forum. I look forward to reviewing all the posts, and while I don't chime in on all of your posts, you truly are in my prayers. I wish you all well and am glad that this group exists. You are all so strong and I believe that this recent blip has made us all the more strong and definetly healthier!!!

Thanks to all for the great support, keep on keepin on!!!

I love the image of your pet pig sitting at your feet Rutey!! I don't think having a pig is legal in my town but my kids would love it.

Love and support,
Nancy

[kitten o]

YOU SAID IT ALL. I HAVE TO ADD YOU ALL ARE MY FAMILY.
QUIX YOU HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ALL OF US FROM DAY ONE.
I HOPE YOU DO NOT GO. I AM NEW AND THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN GO TO
EXPRESS MY SELF AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT WHAT I SAY.
I HOPE THIS MAKES SINCE.
WE ARE FAMILY, LETS NOT CHANGE A THING.      KITTEN