Very Exciting Email with a big letdown

[Rena705]

Hi all...hope you are all ready for the weekend!

I wanted to share some very interesting and exciting news I had today!  I have been a member of Classmates.com for a while and I have had a few hits from old friends from highschool that I haven't seen for 28 years.  It has been really neat to "speak" to these people through email.

There is a fellow that I have left messages for and he has check out my profile because there is a message left to say who does check out your profile.  This fellow is the only person that I went all the way through school from Kindergarten to Grade 12 Graduation with out either of us moving or changing schools.  

HE ANSWERED MY EMAIL TODAY!!!  I mean this is the guy that was a kindergarten soldier with me, used to ride his bike by my house doing tricks (according to Mom cause I never noticed!), walked me to school on our first day of junior high and then we sort of lost track of each other and have never seen each other even though we LIVE within blocks of each other!!!  He is married 21 years, has an 11 year old boy and works locally.  He loves fishing and hunting and (break my heart) he said he can still picture my face from his 7 year old birthday party!!!  

Altogether now...AWWWWWWWWW!!!

Now the sucky part...I sent him an email after his and sent a picture of me and he emailed me back asking me to Call Him and gave me his phone number...Now of course none of you dear friends have heard me talk and have no idea how bad my speech is and I CAN'T and WON'T talk to him like this.  I sent him an email asking if he would be so kind as to keep our conversation on email for a few (weeks, months?) until my speech improves.  I asked him to please understand my situation and know that I want to speak to him more than anything in the world but please let me work on getting my words working first.  I am sure that he will understand...he was always so kind over the years and that kind of love doesn't ever die I don't think.  I explained to my hubby and he knows who I am talking about because he was such a large part of my growing up years and he said he is looking forward to meeting him.  

You can bet I will be insisting on a copy of the letter my lying doc supposedly has sent for a neuropsych eval. cause I have to get on with my bloody life right???

Rena

[Rena705]

Thanks so much Santana...I agree that I need to do what is right for me for now...I think he will understand and wait and It's not that I am embarrased...

An example of my speech would be from a phone call with my Mom this morning, we were talking about the snow coming down in buckets and I said, "I let dog out and when she came in she all black with covered nose in snow she shook and me all black".

I meant to say, "I let the dog out and when she came in she was all white and her nose was covered in snow and she shook and got me all white with snow!"

Now my Mom is used to this and can fill in the correct words most of the time as can my hubby and most my friends but for someone that I haven't spoken to and doesn't really understand the problem it is a difficult situation.

You should see me at the grocery check out just trying to say hello how are you today?  You would think I was loaded drunk with not a clue in my head and it makes the cashier's very uncomfortable.

When I am typing on here even I have to  use the backspace button at least 4 times per sentence to correct an omission or error I have made.  I do think this is due to brain damage due to the meds but only time will tell!  Thanks for your support though honey...I do appreciate it.

Lots of Hugs,

Rena  

[santana8]

Now I understand more of what  you are saying. I think if e-mails are more comfortable for you for now, then that is what you should do. We all have a right to our own feelings and what is comfortable for us. I think you should do what ever makes you feel the best for now. When you are ready to conversate over the phone with him you will know when it is the right time for you. Take care of you first, and everything else will fall in line as it will ! Just wanted you to know that I care and I am here if you need to talk or for whatever you need.

Hugs
Santana

[Rena705]

I really appreciate your support and as I said I have sent him an email asking that we keep our conversation's on email for a while.  I am sure that he will understand and I don't expect him to write whole biographies. (just the juicy parts) tee hee  

Mom9335...it's not that I am not proud of who I am but like I said,  none of you have heard me talk and it's very difficult to understand what I am saying and I have a really hard time expressing myself, especially if I am excited.  I want to speak to this friend and be able to carry on a conversation, I am not ashamed or embarrased of myself and I don't want this friendship to be the "educational experience" for anyone...I just want to carry on a conversation with a dear old friend.  I have other disabilities as well as my speech and I don't care about them or who sees them but I just can't talk...so what's the point in having a telephone conversation.  This speech problem may be caused by the overdosing of meds that I had and that is why I need to have a neuropsych. evaluation to discern if that is the problem and then I can possibly get speech therapy.
I am so glad that your cousin has had a good life so far and a positive attitude that has made her life enjoyable.  It is a difficult and cruel world we live in but kudos to her to be able to keep a positive attitude with all her disabilities.  Sometimes though we don't want to be the educators to the world about MS...we just want to live our lives quietly and in my case have a happy reunion with an old friend!

Lots of Hugs,

Rena

[mom9335]

None of you should be ashamed or embarrassed because you may show symptoms of MS.  It gives you an opportunity to explain how serious and pervasive this disease is AND educate others.

While many MS symptoms are invisible, most disabilities are blatantly observable, and those people must face the world every day.  I have a beautiful cousin with MD.  She is in a wheel chair.  Everyday, she puts a huge smile on her face, politely asks for what accomodations she needs (doors opened, small cups with straws to drink from, someone to cut her food etc) and faces the world with courage.  She's done it for over 50 years.  

So, get out there, and be proud of who you are.  Remember, we all change.  Just the reasons are different.

[debj52]

AWWWWWWWWW---SOME

THAT ISTOO COOL ...I NEVER WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL LONG AND THAT IS LIKE THE GREATEST THING TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE HIM....

I AGREE WITHEVERY ONE ELSE THAT HE SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS A  COMPASSIONATE SIDE TO HIS VERY GOOD FRIENDS ALTHO YOU HAVNT SEEN HIM IN A WHILE DOESNT MEAN HE WOULD CHANGE ..I HOPE IM MAKING SENSE HERE AND NOT JUST RAMBLING...LOL...TAKE CARE ..DEB

[willowwoman7]

Boy, do I know how you feel. We are supposed to go to my hubby's 35th reunion in October and I'm so nervous. Since the last one, I've changed a lot. And when I get in a crowd of people, I sound drunk, lose my words and my balance is a whole lot worse. But, worst of all, I forgot to mention, Hubby's 1 year older than me, so I know most of them, too. I guess the bottom line is, if they really care about you, it won't matter. If it does matter, they are awfully small minded.

[santana8]

I do understand how you feel. Sometimes I worry that people notice that I bump into things while in the store, and sometimes I feel like I don't want to see old friends that knew me before this happened. I have nothing that can been seen on the outside but sometimes in conversations I get frozen up or can't keep my train of thought. I don't think it is bad enough for anyone to notice it too much but the problem is I notice it and I am self concious of it thinking that it is really noticable. I don't want anyone to treat me different than they did before. I think that is what it is with you and your dear friend. But I agree with Tammy that this is a true blue friend and I promise that it won't matter to him because love in true friendship is unconditional.  This disorder is not who you are, you are still you and that is who your friend loves.

Take Care
Santana

[Want to feel well!!!]

A similar thing happened to me and, how weird, through Classmates (the big 30 year reunion).  A girlfriend of mine emailed me, and she lives quite close to me, but because I am not quite like I was due to what was happening to me (I am embarrassed…maybe just vain) I simply explained to her that I wanted to wait awhile to see her.  She completely understood.  We still email and she is very understanding.

This guy sounds like he is a true friend who will understand.

Wanna

[wingnut19]

First things first!

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.....that's so very sweet...I have one of "those" people that I still can't find though!   :(
Secondly, if this person is the great and wonderful friend that you KNOW he is, than he will accept you as he finds you, will he not?  I think so and I don't even know him!  Give it a shot, sweety.....It will be worth it, I promise!

You still didn't get that neuropsych thingy from the lying doc????
Hugs, Rena!  Please take a leap of faith with your very dear friend....
Tammy xo