When, Who and how to disclose my disease to someone you're dating?

[charmed6418]

I live with MS since March 2008 and I'm a single woman whose trying to date. But, sometimes I'm tired and I'm not in the mood to interact with him, and sometimes I'm in so much pain that I must stay home and I don't want to be bothered. I can't go around telling every guy I meet "Hey, I have in MS". I'm sure it makes them wonder why is she always so tired??? Maybe she's not interested, so they move on. But that's not the case, I just can't tell them unless I know they can handle that kind of information. I have very few friends and I don't trust people. I've disclosed my disease to some jerks and to my surprise they were'nt empathetic at all. So now therefore, I don't disclose my condition unless I know their a true friend. Please help me understand and how should I handle this????

[Phoenix177]

the "need to know" basis is what I do for all my dx'd conditions:

Fibro (dx'd in '04),

PTSD (dx'd '02),

IBS (dx'd '02- I got it because a quack NP who was playing doctor. I should be dead according to my real MD doc),

shoulder and back problems (dx'd '00) the short story my ex f@%ked me up

my right foot/ankle has been messed up since I was kid due to re-injuring it. it probably wouldn't be as bad if my parents to me to a doctor.

OA (dx'd '08) left knee. that doc told me my bad knee and foot will play off each other
and will destroy my health joints in my legs and I'll be lucky to be able walk in 10 years.

my bf  knows about my dx and it didn't bother him. I've been with my bf for 3 months, we met about 6 years and became fast friends. so he already knew.

as for the (somewhat new) weird sx when they show up I just I'm not feeling good and lay down.  They have woken up after 6 weeks of my normal. hopefully my doc can get this un-named monster a dx. my doc agrees with me whatever is going on, it's not a dx'd one.

[charmed6418]

Thank you, its been troubling me for a while.... I'm so afraid to date because the first person I told was my boyfriend of 8yrs. and he left me... so not a good experience for me. But I'm glad you both agree that I'm doing the right thing. Its just hard to tell him when I don't feel well most of the time.

[Lulu54]

Hi charmed, its good to see you back here, it has been a while!  Relationships are hard enough, let alone trying to make new ones with MS lurking in the picture.
I've been out of the dating scene for 36 years, so I don't have first hand experience with this.

But I would think that you are on the right track with the need to know approach.  Having MS doesn't change you from being a bright woman with lots of interests and companionship to offer someone.

If that relationship turns into something more, then you would want to bring this up.  But during that initial phase of getting to know each other, I think I would leave the MS in the shadows.  

Go have some fun  and stay in touch.

be well,
Lulu

[charmed6418]

Thanks for your response! My Goodness! Its been a tough burden for me about this. I agree with you about them freaking out once you disclose. I've had it happen already which has made me so cautious about this. Thanks for your $0.02....

[Guitar_grrrl]

I think you're on the right path as far as the "need to know" basis.  If you find a certain someone that you are having a good time with, wait a few dates in to it before you disclose.  If they freak out, they weren't worth your time, anyway.  

Just my $0.02
Guitar_grrrl