Since being diagnosed end of May I am so angry, but not at MS where it should be directed, but at life. Family, friends, anyone who takes too long doing things, anyone who annoys me. How do I stop feeling angry and direct it accordingly at MS?
Everyone deals with the changes forced on us by MS in their own way. We can only throw out suggestions to you and then it is up to you to try them out and see what works, ok?
Anger, grief and sorrow are all natural when it comes to hearing a diagnosis like MS. It would be less than human if you don't take a while to ask 'why me?' but then you have to find ways to move on.
Your diagnosis is still fairly new - it really takes a good year to settle in with this constant companion and find a way to make peace or at least call a truce from battling with the MonSter.
The first suggestion I would make is you need to talk with your medical team about these emotions and make sure it is not something physical causing it rather than the swinging emotions of living with a chronic disease. They can also make appropriate referrals for therapy if you think that might help. There is no shame in needing an impartial person to listen to your thoughts and guiding you into a positive mind set.
There are MS Navigators available through the NMSS 24/7. You just have to pick up the phone and call and someone will be on the other end willing to listen and help you find new ways of coping. Consider calling them - they also know what this is like and can lend a sympathetic ear and help you to find/develop coping skills.
Finally, I would sit your family down and tell them you know you are angry and they are catching the brunt of it right now. Let them know how much you care for them and that you are going to make an effort to not direct your feelings toward them. I'm sure they know this already, but it would do them good to hear it from you.
You have every reason to be angry - this disease is life altering and won't be going away. But do you want to live out your life being bitter and alienated toward everyone? I'm guessing you don't , otherwise you wouldn't be issuing this cry for help. Please seek professional help and don't let this go on to the point you do permanent damage to your relationships and to yourself.
I forgot to add, there is nothing wrong with a bit of primal therapy, too. Find the spot where you can scream, cry, pound on a pillow (kicking something will just hurt your foot!) or hold your breath until you turn blue. Whatever it takes to defuse your anger, just do it!
I try to substitute compassion for anger. I not only have MS but stage 4 cancer. I am not happy that my life may be cut short. I get angry with the wrong people at the wrong times. If I stop and think of compassion it is hard for me to get angry with people. I am still angry I have Cancer, I just realize people are on my side and I should be on theirs.
I wish I had some good advice for you. It is so hard to deal with a diagnosis and I am sad to say that I envy you the anger you are feeling. I know and respect it's need for the process of dealing with MS, and although I have gone through several stages, anger has yet to intrude.
I can vouch for therapy however. It has helped me understand that there is much more to this disease than getting an answer and moving on.
I found my first year after diagnosis a blur of confusion and mixed emotions. My second year I was trying to "bear up" and do it all myself and not seek help for anything. The third year, I found with relapses, I did need help, which was hard, and finally asked my neuro for help. Together we picked the right medication and I am more calm but still have days of "why me" but its a daily change, as MS changes its appearance in my life.
I've found that on good days, I try and look at life and nature in a kinder way, trying to grab the good days for memories, and my bucket list grows. On bad days, I've learned to say "no" and rest without wanting or having to explain why.
It's an individual thing. I have friends who handle it well, friends who have spent years trying to adapt to having MS and some who are still very angry (which is just depression turned outward) over their diagnosis and refuse to talk about it.
As Lulu says, we can only offer suggestions, you will have to find your own way in this winding forest where MS is your 24/7 companion and it does little to offer you advice!
We are always here for those days you need to rant and rave and thru sharing, we all hopefully learn to cope.
It's normal to grieve. You don't think you're angry at the diagnosis, but I'd be willing to bet that is really at the root. of your the problem. I went through it too (we all do). I recently gave an interview that addressed this very thing. Allow yourself time to grieve, give yourself permission. The people who are close to you are processing this new diagnosis too. Try to be patient with them, They are bound to be floundering too.
I learned a lot about myself in the year to two after diagnosis. Things I never knew. I'm sure it will be the same for you.
At least you acknowledge that you're angry and honestly, I think that is a normal emotion to feel. Even though you know you have "MS", being treated for it and the realization you're going to have this for the rest of your life, doesn't take away the fact that its a lot to digest. Give yourself some time. Be a little understanding of yourself and know that the emotions you feel are a big part of the grieving process.
At least you're in the realization that you're displacing your anger at targets that you don't want to, and that is the first step right there. Now you can focus on channeling your anger in different ways. Everyone is different with their coping mechanisms and you'll eventually find yours.
If you feel that you need a little help beyond the forum (ie: Psychologist) then go for it, if you feel its getting out of hand. There's nothing wrong with seeking help and a trained ear to give you tools to deal with what you're dealing with.
Everyone who has responded to you on this thread has great insight and personal experience, but it may not be enough for you at this time and perhaps it can be. That's for you to decide.
I wish there was a way I could help, but I can understand to a certain extent what you're going through.
Well, I don't know much of your story, but I can tell you that the advice you have received here is top-notch. Once more, this community shiwsnitself to be a real community.
I am angry, too. I thi k I can identify with your anger, but as strange as it sounds, I am looking forward to that anger. Rihht now, I am too bust being angry at ... well, I suppose I am angry at the fact that my anger has yet to be told kust what it is at which I should be angry. I am angry at a system that costs so much, can do so much, but has yet to even give me a name of something at which to be angry, after five eyars of trying to identify it.
Meanwhile, I try to fo us on the other stuff. There are kids all around us with minimal responsible adult influence in their daily lives. My to-do list hs plenty on it to take all my time and then some. My anger is, I think, probably not being dealt with.effectively, but rather suppressed, or maybe repressed. Maybe ut's being supplanted by more constructive pursuits, and maybe tht's hralthy after all. I really only kniw that my one active pursuit that seems to really help is prayer, and I know I need to commit more time and energy there. Angry that so many other yhings take al that time.
We will ptay that your anger.is.resolved in the best possible way.
So glad to read you have digested all the suggestions given - please ask for a referral to someone who works with people with chronic disease as a specialty. I know it will get better for you because you are willing to admit the problem. hugs, Laura
i can empathize with you. often i'm not sure exactly what i'm agry at. considering we all get hit a bit different with the disease itself, then the baffling journey of diagnosis residuals, is it any wonder?
i took up a couple of hobbies i can do at home which helps. i seeked out a new counsler for twice monthly sessions. she only sees ms patients so she has much experience with this irritability issue with ms.
i had to seek someone out our i was gong to bust i think. my perspective was no one was like listening. ya know? the world spins too fast out there now and its a "me/i" world so i'm glad this counselor is offering services.
some of our symptoms increases my irritability. i try to chill out and also take cymbalta for that, which does help a bit. good nites sleep helps but that is rare, that is a good nites sleep. i'm not superman so i have a med or two that helps me manage my myriad of ms symptoms. glad i have them.
i have faith and hope in my spirit, have for much of life, and that has helped me as much as anything to walk through life. doesn't mean i don't get angry, what it does help is i don't act out on the anger. just try to ride the storm out so to speak.
i go to ms supprot groups, other support groups, talk to God constantly, practice/study music, play forward a little help to others when no one is looking.
if it didn't hurt my head/neck so much to jar my body, i'm sure i would pound a punching bag once in awhile as i did when i was younger. but, nooooo, like knocked on my door and demanded a gear change and brake job, even though i didn't. ;-)
a little anger and fear is quite healthy but beyond that, not healthy for us ms'ers and our nervouse system.
keep seeking, there is much wisdom on this forum to help point you in the right direction. oh, and you're not alone, if that helps a little ...
I was diagnosed around the same time as you and have been struggling with this too. I don't really have any wisdom that hasn't already been mentioned. I haven't really done any of it yet but probably will start seeing a counselor too. I know this isn't really "helping" you but just wanted you to know you're not alone. If you ever want to hash it out and gripe to another angry newbie (LOL) you can message me.
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