medical humor

We could all use a laugh around here... it's the weekend!  Do you know any good jokes to share?  

Here's one to start us out...

What's the difference between god and a neurologist?
God doesn't think he's an neurologist.


Ok, maybe that's more true than funny.  How about it friends..... Lulu

[pennst8r]

That is a scream... very TRUE, but hysterically funny:)

Penn

[essdipity]

I LOVE it!

Now here's one that's too true to be funny. Apparently it's been around a long time, and was told to me by a psychiatrist:

Question:  What do they call the people who graduate last in their med school classes?

Answer:  Doctor.

ess  

PS  Moral----Ya never know.

[Lulu54]

Two neurologists are hot air ballooning when clouds come up and they realize they're lost. They go lower, and suddenly the clouds part and they see that they're passing over a field where a man is on a tractor.

One of the neurologists leans out and yells, "Hey! Where are we?"

The man on the tractor looks up and shouts back, "In a balloon!"

Then the clouds swallow them up again. The first neurologist smiles. "This has been a great day! We saw good scenery, we put back some brewskies, and now to make the day complete, the first guy we meet is a neurologist too."

"Wait a minute!" interjects his friend. "That looked like a farmer to me. What makes you say he's a neurologist?"

"Well, think about how he answered our question. He gave us precise localization and it didn't help a bit."

[Sarahsmom46]

OK, I was just about to tell this same joke about the 2 neurologists in a balloon....How funny.  I heard that joke from one of the doctors up at the NIH when I was there last month.  What a coincidence.  Anyway, you definitely told it better.  I forgot some of the details.  Thanks for sharing.

Julie

[risnerrose]

Here's another that's been told in a variety of ways . . . but is especially popular with my veterinarian hubby.

A gentleman, experiencing numbness and tingling in his feet, went to a local neurologist.  After a long wait in the exam room, the neuro entered and glanced at the man on the table.  He read the chart, asked a few questons, and excused himself from the room.  

He returned with two black dogs and a cat.  The patient was asked to stand in the middle of the room, as the dogs sniffed and raced around him.  The cat just sat on the exam table and stared at him.  All the while, the neuro was wrote frantically.  Finally, he announced that the man was fine, as he handed him a bill for $1500.  

Stunned the man asked, "What in the world is this for?"

The neuro responded, "$500 for running labs and $1000 for a cat scan."

[doni54]

This sounds like what would happen to me:

What happened?
A distraught man ran into the doctor's office. "Doc!" The man screamed, "I've lost my memory!" "When did this happen?" asked the doctor. The man looked at him and said, "When did what happen?"

hee.....hee.......hee........

[wishforchange]

Lady goes to her doctor and says "I'm a mess, I've noticed so many symptoms and signs.  My skin is dried out and sallow and my body has lost all it's strength and just sags and my hair is colourless and dry and like a rat's tail and my teeth are nearly black and my stomach is enormous.  I'm just so dam ugly all of a sudden!   What's wrong with me?"  

The doctor said "I have good news and bad.  The bad news is I'm not sure what's wrong and you may well get worse"

The woman tried to take in the prognosis, and to help asked what the good news was.

"Well", said the doctor "There is clearly nothing wrong with your eyesight".

[hbananas]

Little old lady goes to the doctor.  She says "Doctor, I'm kind of embarrassed to tell you this, but I have been having a terrible problem.  I suffer greatly from silent gas emissions, and I was wondering if there's anything you could do to help me."

The doctor said, "Well, first, I'm going to check your hearing."

[essdipity]

A lady goes to her doctor complaining about a big assortment of aches and pains. The doctor does an exam and tells her she has a rare disease that will require radical treatment.

The woman doesn't like this verdict. She cries, "I want a second opinion!"

Doctor: "Okay, you're ugly too!"

ess

[Lulu54]

those are all funny - i would call them knee slappers, except I suffer from hyper-reflex and any tapping of my knee causes extreme reactions..  So  I will leave it that you all have tickled my funny bone.... keep it up.  Laughter is so good for the heart, the body and the mind!  Lulu

[Quixotic1]

ess - you stole mine!

Okay - Here's a gentler side of medical humor.  People hear and understand words that they know.  Medicalese often leaves them out in the cold so they cling to the things that make sense.

Common laymen's words for medical things (hoestly and truly)

Spinal Meningitis - Smilin' Mighty Jesus (I have heard this dozens of times)

Fibroids of the uterus - Fireballs of the Eucharist

Austistic child - Artistic Child (often not far off)

Now - some gems from my own practice, from Children (God Love 'em!)

"My uncle had a Cadillac arrest!"

"I have Oscar Mayer Disease"  (Osteomyelitis - bone infection)

"I have the Sick As H*ll Anemia"  (very common)

"I cough because I have 65 Roses"  (Cystic Fibrosis)

and my favorite

"My mother brought me here to to see why I spuh, spuh...., spuh,,,,SPUTTER!"

Quix

[Lulu54]

Q- those are good.  I love the true words from children....

[doublevision1]

I'm laughing so hard right now.  Great thread!

I have heard, more times than I can count, people talking about their mother/ grandfather/ uncle/ neighbour/ etc. having "Old Timer's Disease," meaning ALZHEIMER'S Disease.  For real!

[Quixotic1]

I'm copying this from another thread, but it belongs here.

When we were medical students we had to take these laboriously long histories from patients - to teach us how many nooks and crannies there are from which to glean information.  Our write ups (by hand) would fill 5 to 6 pages often.  One of my friends had to interview an elderly woman who was from the south.  She spoke with a long drawl.  When he got to the psychosocial part he asked her about her spouse and she replied that he had passed on.  So then he asked gently what he had died of.

She answered in her slow, southern speech, "He died....of a massive, internal fart!"

Well, needless to say he spent the rest of the interview trying not to picture the gentleman quietly imploding in his recliner.  When he told me I immediately saw the image in the emergency room - the doctor coming out and saying, "I'm sorry, Ma'am.  He had a massive infarct."

Quizzle

[saveone]

Thanks guys for the humor.  As I sat here last night terrified because I couldn't lift my L leg I read this thread.  It actually made me laugh out loud, esp. the one about the running labs and cat scan.  

[Lulu54]

Humor is so good for all of our body's systems, but especially the soul.  The weekend's over but if you have more to add keep 'em coming! Lulu

[Lulu54]

Because none of us will remember the punch lines, here are the jokes, again!!! :-)