6 years old that hates himself

[mayra]

Have a 6 yrs old boy in kinder and he said the other day " I hate myself I will get dady's gun and shoot myself".  This is the first time he says somethign like this and it is extremely concerning to me and my husband becasue we  are responsible partents and provide lots of love to our kids and have never said anything negative towards our kids.  I asked him why he said that, and what is it that he doesn't liek about himself that made him said that.  HE said he said for no reason and that he was kidding.  He also stated that his "brain" tells him to say things and not to pay attention sometime and that he talks to his brain (I think he refers to his brain meaning thinking)to stop.  Obvoiusly this is not a normal conversation to me for a 6 years old.  He says that in school he gets along well with the kids with the exception of one who seems to tease my son all the time.  He learns new things very fast and academically he is fine.  the problem seems to be in his behavior-not aggressive, but apparently is too energetic.

I need some hint here to see where I should start.  Pelase respond. Thanks

[Annie62]

Unfortunately this is not a site where doctors respond, but I will offer what I can.

If I were you--though you have probably already done so--I would make sure your husband's gun is in a safe place/unloaded so that your child does not have access to it.  Even if your son didn't particularly mean what he said and even if he isn't really all that distressed and just said it off the top of his head out of frustration, six-year-olds are impulsive and don't always know the finality and consequences of their actions.

If he is being teased by a particular person at school I would ask him more about it and ask him if that has anything to do with why he said he hated himself and made the statement about shooting himself.  I wouldn't act overly scared/concerned or he might not share what he is really thinking with you and try to minimize what he had said.  If he is really bothered by the brat that teases him at school and/or there seems to be any seriousness attached to the statements he made, I would ask your family doctor to recommend a therapist.  It's just a place for a kid to talk who needs to talk about things.

At six I would take a child seriously.  Even if he said what he did to just get your attention and has no intention of really shooting himself, he still said it for a reason and obviously he needs to elicit a response from you.  At the very least he is frustrated and not feeling too good about himself; at the very worst he could do something to harm himself.  I hope he talks to you and it turns out to all be ok.

[Annie62]

Also, I would ask him what he means by his brain tells him to say things and not to pay attention.  Does his brain tell him not to pay attention to what his brain is telling him or not to pay attention to others?

[Carol in PA]

Mayra,
This is very serious.
Only once have I heard a child say this, that he hated himself and wanted to kill himself.  I found out later that this boy had been sexually abused and had serious emotional problems.

You can talk to your son's teachers and see what they have noticed at school.  The school needs to put a stop to the teasing by other children...many times teachers don't think this is much of a problem.

Please see about getting your son professional counseling.
Something is wrong.  
Your son may have a mental health problem that can be helped.

Also, get rid of the gun.  If your son knows about it, chances are that he's already played with it.  
I've read too many newspaper stories about children and teenagers who were injured or killed by guns that their parents had at home.

Our children are only young once.  Hold him, read to him, show your affection.  Let him know you're willing to talk about anything that he wants.  Children need to know that they are loved and valued.

Wishing you the best,
Carol

[karinn]

I have twins close to your boy's age - one is very difficult on herself just the way your son is (without the threat of using a gun).  She says she is "no good," and "her brain doesn't work right," and "it is always her fault."

After lots of talking, she said she doesn't think of "the right thing to do" and thinks about what she would rather do.  I've explained it is very normal to want to do one thing but something else is the "right thing" and that is part of growing up.

I've emphasized that every once in a while she makes a mistake but most of the time she does things well.  In other words, I'm trying to get her to give perspective to her overwhelming thoughts.  She now knows that all kids want to do things their parents don't want them to do.  All kids make mistakes.  All kids act out sometimes.  It is all part of growing up.

She was doing pretty good until first grade when she encountered two children in her class that are more "advanced" than her in spelling and math.  She wants to be the best at everything and thinks she is terrible if she isn't the best.  We are working on that.

Friendships are difficult in school because she is well-liked but two girls want her all to themselves so they cling to her and/or get mad at her if she plays with another friend.  She's in the middle of two girls doing a power play with her as the object and doesn't know how to handle it.  We keep talking about ways for her to deal with other children.

She cries easily and is very upset if I ever scold her - but I tell her when something may feel very upsetting but to try to deal with her feelings in a way other than crying because she doesn't want to cry easily around her friends or at school.

Her twin sister has her issues but not anything out of the ordinary.  I mention all this because you just don't know what kids are thinking - and she outgrew a lot of the extreme feelings when she realized that she didn't have to have perfect thoughts or be perfect in her school work.

Her teacher thinks it is just her wiring to be a frustrated perfectionist.  She will try to praise her when she is doing well (but not necessarily perfect).

The first step may be to talk to your pediatrician.   Good luck.

[sitnpretty]

Ok,  I think that you should watch your son, but do not make a big deal of this.  Use common sence have the guns locked in a safe.  If you make this bigger than what it is your, going to cause something that may other wise not of happened.  A 6 yr old is pretty young to understand killing theirselves and what exacally what that means.  They dont usually understand at that age how permanent death is.  His brain talking, thats probably just thoughts and that is how he is explaing it.  Tell him that he is special and a lot of people would be sad if you did something like that and that he shouldnt talk like that.  Most likely he doesnt even know excally what that means.  Just keep an eye on him, give he lots of love and postive praise and I am sure he will be fine.  But dont make the mistake of making a hugh deal out of this in front of him.  signed- child of social worker-