I am at the End

Ok I need help, I discovered Breast Cancer 11/08, SX 12/18 bilateral mastectomy w/expanders; chemo; SX to exchange expanders for implants; problem with implants; another SX 12/9 bit more severe due to  scrapping of tissue immediate placement of implants. The doctor told me this would be painful with a long recovery. He was right. I have an iron head board,and hit my head a view times. Ready to go Three visits to the ER , two CTs, one MRI  then told I need surgery due to midline shift - craniotomy, or coma-that was four months ago. I have headaches, dents, lumps, I am not myself, I crave glucose, I hurt and I hate my life and who Ive become Ive gained 15 lbs. And I am lost and unhappy. Does anyone have any answers, I use to eat healthy and clean, but things have changed, ive changed. In the two years I had three significant loses my father, my best GF since i was  15, and another friends husband and she lost it, so she is no longer around. I dont take anything for pain - I need help, I was in therapy, finished PT and finishing up speech. I am in so much pain help
Be Like Water