My brain is not fully functioning

I started out with the ability to get honors in highschool. I noticed that I was overwhelmed with the amount of work they gave by my senior year. Somewhere along the way I had a nervous breakdown. When they took me home and gave me tutors my senior year I noticed I was falling asleep all the time and couldn't get through reading material very well. More and more I noticed I wasn't connecting with the material and having an unusually hard time understanding what I was reading. I couldn't process what I was reading very well and I thought it was just stress but subtly over the years it got worse. I attended college but was starting to have trouble achieving what was expected.I pushed through and used all I had. Today I can't get through a simple novel. I get lost when I read and don't know whats going on in the story. I read half of things and put them down. I can't pass a college course. I remember my first struggles about school were that there was too much work too fast but I had no trouble doing it with effort.Now I can't achieve that level of cognitive abilities at all. Didn't something have to happen to me. Is there any way I could ever find out what went wrong. This isn't something that is just in my head. What could cause this to happen? I'm very depressed since this happened and I'm not living a full life. Is there any hope?What happened to my brain at such a young age?

[lala800]

Were you ever on any medications? I am going through a similar experience but I was on an antidepresant for a year and went off of it 4 months a go. I can't explain my delema either now that I'm off of the pills.

[lala800]

Have you seen a doctor?

[Cutice]

Thanks for your comments. I always did suspect psych drugs as causing some of this. Yes I've been on antideppresants for years and I've been on Lamictal and abilify for the past 3 years. I don't even understand how I'm bipolar. I never have any mania's or anything. I want to get off and away from the psychiatrists. I've gone through a lot of mental turmoil and strange episodes of mental anguish so I can never get away from them because I get desperate for help. I think I'm screwed. If it's the psych drugs then I've been on so many of them I have no chance of getting better now. They said it wouldn't do anything like that but I can't trust them. sorry I wrote this in the wrong place

[Jules77733]

There's always a chance of getting better...it's not like those drugs are causing permanent damage to your cognitive abilities. When I was taking the drug Topamax, I felt really stupid all of the time because I couldn't think clearly, couldn't articulate what I wanted to say, and appeared like a blubbering fool to people who didn't know me or my medical history. As such, I switched to a different drug and I no longer feel "stupid"--at least not most of the time, anyway!

I'd see what you can do about getting off of those drugs. How were you diagnosed as being bipolar in the first place? There had to have been some kind of reason behind that...before you were on any medication did you have a lot of ups and downs? What kind of symptoms did you exhibit that lead your original (and current?) doctor to believe that you are bipolar? Have you ever had an MRI of your head?

[ILADVOCATE]

Lamictal can have cognitive side effects at times but its generally well tolerated. Abilify can have cognitive side effects as well. But the cognitive side effects of those medications are not permanent. There are other options for mood stabilizers than Lamictal.
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/moodstabilizers.htm
As for Abilify its generally the most tolerable out of the antipsychotics available now. The antipsychotic I am on in Phase II FDA study (read through my posts) does not have cognitive side effects but its still not FDA approved yet so its an unknown quantity. However, that class of antipsychotic (glutamate antagonists, for more info. "Dr. Javitt, glycine") is a promising new treatment modality in development. For more information on new medications in development google "psychmeds123".

[ggreg]

Cutice,
I think the posters here who talked about your psychological issues may be onto something.  You said you had a nervous breakdown when you reached your senior year in school.  I presume that's when they loaded you up with drugs.  Now, you said all through school you thought the work was a little too much for you, but you managed, up until that senior year.  This means that for whatever reason, learning was hard.  It just didn't show itself until senior year, and you threw your hands up and basically said ENOUGH!  The tutors and home schooling is what got you through.  

Therefore, I think if you would arrange tutors for college too, you might do better.  Also, you should not take the full load of college courses... just take enough credits to be full-time, and make one of those classes something creative like art, or something active like tennis, anything that isn't so mental, you know.  Accept your learning limitations while in school, and as you enter the work world, go slowly and surely.  Never get in a situation where you are overwhelmed.  You are plenty smart and able to achieve; it's just you must take smaller steps to get there.

On the issue of your medicines, there is no question in my mind that they are fogging up your thinking.  With a trusted adult, find a GROUP of psychologists and psychiatrists in your area, and go to a brand new doctor.  Your intention should be to see how you might do if you could slowly get off all the medicines you are on.  Withdrawal syndrome is possible with some drugs, so that's why you've got to do this in concert with experts.  Once you are clear of them, they can evaluate you better, and decide if you really are in need of something to help you concentrate or whatever.

And one of the above posters is absolutely correct, the drugs you are on don't permanently goof you up.  Only if you haul off and quit them will it cause a problem.  Nope, once they're out of your system, you will be "you" again.  So, do not be so much concerned with your past.  Instead, make a plan to finish college, find interesting work because you are so bright, and enjoy all the things life has to offer.  Right now, you're just going through a rough patch in your life, sort of part of "growing up," and eventually you will understand better who you are and how to deal with the world just the way you are.  

Me, I'm an artist and writer.  I'm older and disabled now, but during my regular life, I was different than a lot of the general population, on account of this creative streak I have.  I did not realize at first that I was not suited to office work and structured situations.  So, once I indulged my fun side, I attracted friends more like me, as well as work, and all the previous struggle was over and no big deal.  All the best to you, and I know you will come out of this a stronger and happier person.
GG