Why am I a limping Twerp?

Hi! I came across this website and I'm getting desperate so, I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm a thirteen year old female who is bipolar but otherwise helathy. Ever since I was seven I've been plagued by chronic pain in my right leg. It's a sharp sort of ache. I can barely put any pressure on it, and have since been walking with a cane. It also comes with migranes (migraines) and mood shifts worse then I'm used to. I will go from being completely depressed and suicidal to happy go lucky. I've had multiple X-rays and even an MRI or something similar to see if I really am feeling pain. And I am. Nobody knows what's wrond with me. My physician has given me a pain reliever called Oxycodine to help with the pain, but what I really want is a diagnosis. I'm desperate and at the end of my rope. Suicide is looking more and more appealing to me. I need answers. Now. SOS?! Help!

[ggreg]

Obviously if the medicine makes the pain go away, stick with it.  If your leg hurts more when you get migraines, it's hard to say which comes first from what you say, but let's say your migraines come first and then your leg gets worse.  This suggests to me, anyway, that something going on in your brain is doing all this to you, in which case you should ask your doc to give you a new CT scan of your head to see what's going on in there.  On the other hand, if your leg pain comes first and then the migraines, your leg is the primary problem.  To figure that out, you should break down where the pain is, if it's your whole leg, or your thighs, or your hip, or your feet.  If it's in your hip, you just might have torn up something in that joint to make it really hard to walk on your leg, in which case they can do either an X-ray or scan of your hip joint to see what's going on in there.  If it's your whole leg, then a scan should be done of your lower spine, because nerves run out of there and straight down to your foot, and you'll feel pain all along the way.  Those would be my ideas on your physical situation.  

As for suicide, you need to think this through, also.  I mean, evaluate your situation here.  You got a bum leg.  That's it.  The migraines and bipolar stuff, LOTS of people deal with those disorders, and the right medicines will keep those things in check, so keep up with meds for those items...you SHOULD be on migraine medicine and also bipolar medicine.  If you are already on bipolar medicine, you need to be reevaluated every year until you are about 25 years old on that diagnosis, with adjustments to medicine for it as the doc sees fit.  See, could be you are thinking of suicide becuz your bipolar drugs need an increase in dose...after all, you are growing and thus might need more.  

I personally think you are dealing with a lot of pain, and this can make a person feel just awful, and your mood swings and migraines may be coming from a nerve problem or bone and joint problem with your leg, and THAT can be fixed, to where your leg doesn't hurt anymore, and then MAYBE your other symptoms will subside too.  A neurologist is probably the best specialist to go to, to really get into what is going on with your leg, altho an orthopedist might be brought in at some point, depending on what the actual problem turns out to be.  Also, the neurologist can determine where your leg pain originates from, and if it's the brain, HE is the man you want to be caring for you.

Lastly, do me a favor.  Write down the Crisis Intervention number and put it right next to your phone, and on your cell, have it in there so you can quick-dial it.  Whenever you get this idea in your head that you want to give up and throw yourself under a bus, CALL THEM FIRST.  They do nothing else but talk to people all day long who are in crisis, that's all they're interested in, is YOU.  It is good to have an objective person to talk to when you feel like you're gonna lose it.  Nobody should have to go through the anxiety that comes with that.  In fact, I also think you should be visiting at least every six months a mental health clinic psychologist, to keep you out of that deep dark hole that visits on people especially when they're tired or in pain or just plain frustrated to the max.  I hope this helps you, and sorry I couldn't be more specific.  But I think if you will do as I say, you will find out what the problems are, and you will get medicines and treatment that will make you a lot more comfortable, and you'll ALWAYS have that lifeline, which is the Crisis Intervention folks, in case stuff goes wrong.  I mean, we don't want to lose anybody that says they are "a limping twerp."  That was most amusing!  GG  

[ggreg]

Obviously if the medicine makes the pain go away, stick with it.  If your leg hurts more when you get migraines, it's hard to say which comes first from what you say, but let's say your migraines come first and then your leg gets worse.  This suggests to me, anyway, that something going on in your brain is doing all this to you, in which case you should ask your doc to give you a new CT scan of your head to see what's going on in there.  On the other hand, if your leg pain comes first and then the migraines, your leg is the primary problem.  To figure that out, you should break down where the pain is, if it's your whole leg, or your thighs, or your hip, or your feet.  If it's in your hip, you just might have torn up something in that joint to make it really hard to walk on your leg, in which case they can do either an X-ray or scan of your hip joint to see what's going on in there.  If it's your whole leg, then a scan should be done of your lower spine, because nerves run out of there and straight down to your foot, and you'll feel pain all along the way.  Those would be my ideas on your physical situation.  

As for suicide, you need to think this through, also.  I mean, evaluate your situation here.  You got a bum leg.  That's it.  The migraines and bipolar stuff, LOTS of people deal with those disorders, and the right medicines will keep those things in check, so keep up with meds for those items...you SHOULD be on migraine medicine and also bipolar medicine.  If you are already on bipolar medicine, you need to be reevaluated every year until you are about 25 years old on that diagnosis, with adjustments to medicine for it as the doc sees fit.  See, could be you are thinking of suicide becuz your bipolar drugs need an increase in dose...after all, you are growing and thus might need more.  

I personally think you are dealing with a lot of pain, and this can make a person feel just awful, and your mood swings and migraines may be coming from a nerve problem or bone and joint problem with your leg, and THAT can be fixed, to where your leg doesn't hurt anymore, and then MAYBE your other symptoms will subside too.  A neurologist is probably the best specialist to go to, to really get into what is going on with your leg, altho an orthopedist might be brought in at some point, depending on what the actual problem turns out to be.  Also, the neurologist can determine where your leg pain originates from, and if it's the brain, HE is the man you want to be caring for you.

Lastly, do me a favor.  Write down the Crisis Intervention number and put it right next to your phone, and on your cell, have it in there so you can quick-dial it.  Whenever you get this idea in your head that you want to give up and throw yourself under a bus, CALL THEM FIRST.  They do nothing else but talk to people all day long who are in crisis, that's all they're interested in, is YOU.  It is good to have an objective person to talk to when you feel like you're gonna lose it.  Nobody should have to go through the anxiety that comes with that.  In fact, I also think you should be visiting at least every six months a mental health clinic psychologist, to keep you out of that deep dark hole that visits on people especially when they're tired or in pain or just plain frustrated to the max.  I hope this helps you, and sorry I couldn't be more specific.  But I think if you will do as I say, you will find out what the problems are, and you will get medicines and treatment that will make you a lot more comfortable, and you'll ALWAYS have that lifeline, which is the Crisis Intervention folks, in case stuff goes wrong.  I mean, we don't want to lose anybody that says they are "a limping twerp."  That was most amusing!  GG  

[Limping_Twerp]

Thx. I'll think I'll do what you said. Leg pain is first. God, it hurts. I'm afraid to get up in the morning its gotten so bad. Firstly, its not just my leg which is makeing me this deppressed. I'm an orphan. And not the regular kind either. I'm not one of the lucky ones who's parents died but they know that they love them. My parents hated me. They're both in prison for child abuse on three counts, murder on two counts (my two deceased triplets), child neglect on three counts, pain and suffering on three counts, attempted homicide through child abuse on one count (me). A million other things have gone wrong. And while I'm a certifiable genius and in Mensa, no amount of knowledge can help you deal with the fact that my own parents, people who are supposed to love me unconditionally, wanted and still want me dead. My parents have been given the death penelty. So, you see, I've got quite a bit to be depressed about. I failed miserably at protecting my little brother and sister. I'm the oldest by a few minutes. It's my job to make sure, no matter what, they live. Even if i die in the process. And i failed miserably.

[ggreg]

Bless your heart, child.  You were dealt a bad hand.  But YOU'RE still here, and those mean people are NOT, so you won that challenge.  Heartache and fear that happens to little children does a lot of emotional and mental damage, and so I assume you have worked with a psychiatrist and psychologist to help you unravel some of that twisted-up stuff.  

As for your leg pain, you sound like me, I busted my back in three places in a car wreck, and after many years, the whole tore-up spine got worse, and one day I just couldn't get out of bed because my back hurt so much.  Would take me an hour to get up the courage to grit my teeth and drag myself out.  Docs ignored me, but I too see a psychiatrist, on account of all this fear I got around that car wreck, and she took pity on me and prescribed me Lyrica, the only medicine that has ever come close to helping my back pain.  And do you know, the next day I got out of bed and nothing hurt.  A miracle.  So, there are drugs for you besides whatever you're on for your legs.  

As for saving your siblings, hon, it is the pain of their hurt that you feel, because when a freight train is gonna come thru your town whether you like it or not, NOBODY can stop one of those.  Superman does not exist.  I think it is good that you feel things, otherwise you'd be like your "parents" were, heartless and dangerous.  Hang in, try to get better meds, maybe get a scan of what's causing the pain, so you'll know for sure.  And there is migraine meds, too, that might help a lot.  You're carrying a heavy load, and with pain on top of it, anybody would be a tad miserable.  

Keep a light in your heart, let it shine through your face and eyes, and won't nothing evil come your way no more.  One way to do that is set your life up to help peope who have had trauma in their lives, like volunteering down at the VA where our veterans are coming home with maimed lives and limbs.  If the picture for you in this forum is you, you'd be a sight for sore eyes for those young fellas, and some of them ain't got NO family nor friends as visitors.  Just an idea, you do what you want.  Always do what you want, just do it with grace, and you'll have the wings of an angel and will fly easily on warm breezes for always.
GG