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can anyone please provide me with some suggestions, that is, i would like to know in which direction should i focus regarding the treatment, i dont know what's exactly wrong with my mom, and no doctor has either been able to figure out..!!!!

my mom has been suffering from partial numbness in her head, it all started back in jan 2005, when my mom had pneumonia, around april she experienced this weird sensation in her head, she felt like her hair were really tightly pulled back and also like somone is drilling into her head.my mom kept prolonging her trip to the doctor, anyways finally she went to an orthopaedic doctor, who told her that evrything's fine, she then went to the ENT, he cleaned the wax in her ear and did an xray for the ear and an xray for synus,evrything was clear, hearing was perfect, she told me that previously she was experiencing this pain in her right side of the body, after visiting the ENT, she told me that this right bodily pain vanished for a few days so she felt better. the pneumonia also affected her right lung. in 2001 my mom also had pneumonia with a kidney infection alongwith it. the kidney infection was on her right kidney.now her current feeling is that there is this numbness on the right side of her head and this pain is on and off, it comes and goes. the doctors havent been able to figure out what exactly is the problem, which is why i dont know who exactly to consult!!!!!! p[lease help!!!! i want my mom to feel better, my mom has been under a lot of stress too, for the past 2-3 years for various personal problems, my dad is very uncooperative, he just looks after himself, thats what more important to him, his health only!!!!!
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368886 tn?1466235284
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Madiha.

Hope you are fine. I apologize for the late response. How are you these days ?

There are a few important issues here. The first and the foremost issue is your relationship with your father. You have a lot of hatred for him. But I think there is some soft corner, too. Since he does not acknowledge the hard work done by you and your mother, there is a natural reaction from your side. But if you look at your mother, she is still there with him. She is suffering a lot. All these factors have affected your relationship with your father.

You would like to be as good as your mother. But you have seen her suffer due to her simplicity. That's probably why there is a thought of "being mean", growing inside you. But the moment you "impulsively" think of being mean, your heart says, "No, you can't be mean. You are a nice human being, just like your mother. How can you be mean? "

There is a constant dilemma in your mind about how you should react to this world and society.

I have full faith in your ability to lift yourself up from this phase of depression. You just need to vent all the anger and frustration, in a proper way. One of those is writing down your thoughts.

In the previous post, you saw yourself from a third person's eye. There are enough reasons for you to take charge of your life. Do not see marriage as a solution. And please do not keep a bias in your mind about your future husband. He may be a person totally different form your expectations. This word "expectations" is very important here. We may not have a control on what we get. But we do have a control on what we "expect to get. Henceforth, expect things to get better. Expect your husband to be nice and kind. Expect your mother to recover soon from her illness.

More importantly, expect your father to understand you and your mother. He probably has a personality which does not allow him to empathize. But he is a human being. And I am sure he does love his family. He does not know how to express his love. Probably he is looking for some hint in your eyes that you love him. And this can happen only when you expect good things from your father. We get what we expect. Expect the best from your situation.

Now on to the question: Why you?

There's no answer for this, really. It's the state of mind you are in some times, that makes you feel , "why me?" When you are depressed, you have a negative world view. Everyone seems to be bad. This is the time you have to control your actions and thoughts. ('you' refers to anyone in general).

You are an educated lady. And you have younger sisters to look after till your marriage. Make sure you don't leave the home with many bad memories. Try to make these last few months with your family happening and fruitful.  

Do you know why you have migraines? The root lies in your need for achievement. One of those achievements is the charity work for children. Migraine is a psychosomatic illness. The origin of the headache lies in unfulfilled need for achievement. You are somehow not being able to do many things which you always wanted to do.

I am sure you will work over this problem with determination.

Regards

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Avatar universal
hello doctor, i did what u told me to, i read what i had written, ur asking me to advise this person, well doctor, while i was reading it i felt like crying, in fact i cried, i havent told u this, but in the past i've tried to commit suicide more than once, i just feel my life to be a complete waste, now i just want to get married and go away from here, somwhere far away. but then i think about my mom and its disturbing, that wen im gone then who'll take care of her, i feel so insecure. i was a very hyperactive child, i use to lose focus really easily while studying, so basically wen i was growing up i was more of a problem child for her and during my teenage years i use to rebel, my rebellion was outwardly but later i use to feel horrible for how i had behaved with my mom, i use to act very strong in front of evryone but use to cry while lying down to sleep, i didnt want ppl to know that im weak. my situation is really hopeless!!! all i can advise madiha is that she shud just get married and start a new life. so just carry on with ur life, the way it is, till june. when i ran away from home, in june 2005, i went for a blood test, and my haemoglobin was 6,i was suffering from anorexia, i had lost a drastic amount of weight, and i still am anorexic, but im improving, i've put on sum weight in the past 2 years, u c doctor whenever my mom was stressed out, she use to take it out on me, so 2 years bak i started thinking that my mom was against me and she didnt like me, so i started believing that i should live anymore, whenever i wanted to take a bite out of sumthing i would look at my mom and think that she doesnt want me to eat, end result was that i use to eat only an apple, i ate an apple or a few biscuits for 6 months, and no matter how late in the evening it was, i use to exercise for an hour, i use to jog on the treadmill at home for an hour even if it was 2 am in the night. for the past 2 years i havent been regular with my exercise, which is another issue thats bothering me nowadays, i just feel tired so quickly, the funny thing is that i've dont my a-levels in biology, chemistry and maths, so i know that i shudnt have done this crash dieting thing, i seriously thnk im crazy!!!! when this police mess happened in 2005, my dad behaved really nicely with my mom becoz he needed her, i felt really gud at that time, i thought that no matter wat happened, at least it resulted in sumthing positive, but then the incident started fading from my dad's memory and things were bak to normal. i somtimes feel i should do sumthing stupid, perhaps then my dad will realise that to what extent he has taken matters to. sumtimes doctor i feel that there are ppl out there who are in more terrible situation's than i am, that makes me feel better for somtime. i want to do charity work in the future for children, im very determined to do it, but sumtimes when ur not able to accomplish sumthing, this also depresses you. there are children out there who dont even have parents, at least i have parents, i should be greatful for that. the family structure should be very strong for any child, so that the child feels secure, i wish all children to lead a happy life!! perhaps im going through the down phase of my life, but for soo long!!!!!! life has its ups and downs, but i think i have more downs than ups!!!!! looking forward to ur reply!!!!! thankyou doctor!!!
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368886 tn?1466235284
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.

You have been through a lot. And I agree, it's not over yet.  But you should not lose hope.

Now imagine that you are a third person. Read this entire history yourself and advice madi599. How will you react ? How will you advice her ? What will you say her ? I want you to relax for a couple of minutes and write it down here. A solution you are giving to madi599.

Please do this. I will wait for your post.

Regards
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Avatar universal
even in  the confusion period my mom kept comforting her, that if ur dad wont do anything, then dont worry, i'll think of sumthing regarding the finances, and after all it was my mom's saving money which came into use for the admission. i'll write to u some more tomorrow. sorry if i bothered u with this huge post, do tell me if im a nuisance to u.its ok if u dont want to hear, after all it's my problem, that's the bottomline, i cant escape from it and there no cure, bcoz my dad thnks very highly of himself, and all of us are simply jerks!!! somtimes i wish secretly, if a doctor spoke to my dad directly, mayb i'll c better days or not, i dont know.............im a hopeless case.!!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
first of all i would like to thank both of u for replying to my question and providing me with som guidance, it was of great help. secondly, this is to reply dr abhijeet regarding counselling for my dad, well u c , the problem is that he doesnt think that there is anything wrong in his attitude towards his family, infact he strongly believes its my mom who needs to go to the pyschiatrist. the main thing is my dad doesnt respect my mom. in fact as far back as i can remember, he never really showed that much caring or affection towards her, and with time its gotten worse. nearly 2 and half years back in june 2005 i ran away from home bcoz of all this nonsense,things got all messy, my parents searched for me but all their attempts were in vain, their last resort was to involve the police, and after 5 days they found me, in the meantime i was living with a male friend of mine, i was 23 back then, and i live in an islamic country, dubai, so according to the rules of this place, unrelated males and females cannot live together, i really didnt want to run away, but somtimes when i think bak, i try to understand my mental state, i was completely frustrated, in fact i had reached my saturation point. when i came back to my parents, they took me to the psychiatrist and he said that im suffering from mild depression, and that my family needs counselling. we went for arounnd 3-4 sessions bcoz this incident was recent, slowly slowly when everything got bak to normal, they sessions were forgotten, my mom didnt want to go for counselling bcoz of my dad's attitude, the way he speaks to the doctors, as if my mom's crazy and his attitude is perfect. i believe that, since i too have studied pyschology in university, that it is the father around which the entire family revolves and therefore its very important that the father is of a balanced personality. but my dad is not at all balanced, his views for us are different and for the outside wolrd is different. he has double standards for everything. a different policy for himself and for the same thing another policy for us( me and my mom, my sisters) i have 3 sisters, im the eldest, im 25 years old, then comes a 19 year old, 10 year old and finally 9 year old. i am of asian background, im a pakistani, living in the uae for the past 25 years. for the past 6-7 years i've had regular migraines. in fact i just had one yesterday. my dad always criticises my mom, he never appreciates her. i get really upset by all this, it has lingered on for too long. my mom tolerates my dad bcoz of my baby sisters, bcoz she knows tht they both need a father specially they stage they are passing thru, and the 10 year old is very attached to my dad, whenever i argue with my dad, she gets upset with me and in fact tells me to shut up. dr abhijeet, since u r of asian origin, u must understand how the asian society works, i mean if a child tries to explain to his parents, then they think that u r a disobedient child, and they think that what a child is saying is not wise. so naturally if i try to explain sumthing to my dad, then he says that, yes u r more knowledgeable and experienced than me, my dad's an electrical engineer and my mom's a graduate. if u talk to her, u'll exactly know who the defaulter is, my mom is a very wise women. she never unnecessarily pressurizes my dad, but i just dont know, he hardly takes this into consideration, that without his help, she brought up 2 kids and now she's bringing up another 2. im going to get married in june and even in this matter he's of no help, he just runs away from his responsibilities. my mom know's that all the responsibility and arrangements of the wedding are to be carried out by her. sumtimes my head just seems like it going to explode. my dad takes us for granted, especially my mom. my dad's a coward, he has also hit my mom in the past. i feel when my mom is no longer around, which i just cant imagine, then he'll know what a blessing she was for him. my mom has always tried to benefit him in different ways. like when 5 years back we were in karachi, my mom insisted to my dad that he should buy som property bcoz it was unberable to live with our relatives, they were so mean to us, they are so materialistic, if u shower them with gifts they'd worship u otherwise ur garbage for them.anyways my mom told my dad to buy an aprtment, and also after living so many years in uae without any relatives, we basically are use to living independantly, and hate it when are relatives interfere in our lives, so my dad didnt even want to buy the property, bcoz our relatives kept telling him that its better that u invest it in ur business rather than buy a property, my dad had an electromechanical company, he takes contracts from ppl, and for the past 15 years he has been trying to establish his business, but to no avail, bcoz he isnt the busines type if person, but now he finds it more convenient, bcoz he doesnt need to wake up early like ppl with jobs hav to, and he gets paid large sums, but has never planned that out of the large payments, so many expenses he has already incurred, in short, my mom and i have tried to convince him in the past to leave the business and look for a job, bcoz clearly the business is not working wonders for us, in fact his business is one of the biggest mistakes, in fact my mom says that its one of her biggest mistakes, bcoz she was the one who suggested it, but she says that that doesnt mean that u are stuck with it, if u c thats its not yielding u well enough, well then u shud try elsewhere, especially when u have responsibilties, unfortunately my dad doesnt know what his responsibilites are, bcoz from day1 my mom has been doing even his part, and i sumtimes tell her that i think this is ur mistake, from the beginning u shud have given dad a tough time. my mom is a really gentle and caring lady, i just feel so lost and helpless. somtimes i think that wen i get married i'll never do the mistake that my mom did, i'll be mean to my husband, but i know i cant be mean, i dont know why, why cant i be mean??? i should be mean!!! nowadays, this is how ppl r in this world, mean and selfish and u shud also recipricate. but i know i cant, if i ever do sumthing, its always in retaliation. whenevr i've made friends, they all turned out to be selfish bastards!!!! my best friend got married last year and moved to the us, we broke up in june 2005, that was the year i graduated from business school, i have an honours in finance, and right after my final exams i ran away from home, i even missed my graduation ceremony. my friend also left me, i was really close to her, y does it always happen with me, i think its no use being nice with ppl, since i have experience in  that, i seriously think i shud try being mean from now on. my mom always took our side, our as in kids. last year my sister, the one younger to me was to join  college, but she was so depressed bcoz she didnt know where to apply, my dad has been horrible with finances, a major reason contributing to her confusion in applying to universities, she wanted to apply in us and canada, but was not sure, so she applied in pakistan to army medical college in islamabad, bcoz of the finance problem she was unsure whether she shud do sit for SAT's, since its required in the us and canada, anyways she sat for SAT's and performed brilliantly, her score was really high, around 2000, and she made us really proud by joining AMC, now its her second year in dentistry.
Helpful - 0
368886 tn?1466235284
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.

In addition to the excellent advice given by OSS55, I would like you to consider a psychiatrist's opinion also. From your description, I think she is under a lot of stress. Some people do not verbalize their emotions. These pent up emotions may come out in the form of somatization (bodily aches and pains). I would suggest, after the neurologist's visit, you can consider a course of cognitive or any other brief psychotherapy / counseling for her.

Would you like to have your father change his ways, too ? Can you talk him into a family therapy ?

Regards
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Avatar universal
Hi madi599,

More mothers should have daughters like you!  I would first say that your family physician should refer your mother to a Neurologist, who should have a CT Scan, an MRI with and without dye cast performed of the brain, plus have a Nerve Conduction Test completed, for starters.  I'm not a medical person, so I can't say if her numbness is related to the previous pneumonia's or not, but she could have one of the Neuropathies, and should be tested for it as soon as possible.

I hope this is of some help.  You are a gem my dear!  God's Blessings to you and your Mother!!!

Bev
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