Aa
losing control of "me"
I feel like I'm losing control of my conscious mind. I'd say I'm about 60% out of it. It's been progressive for about a year now. It's like my subconscious mind is controlling me. I am losing "me". VERY scary. The only reason I think I haven't 100% freaked myself into a clinic is becasue I know I can't fully bring the concept of what's happening to me to my consciousness. What's happening?
Im 19 years old. I quit smoking week jan 1st and just drink on occasion now. I feel like a stroke victim or something. I have forgotten how to be social. Even my dad told me I don't seem as smart as I used to. Everythings crumbling apart. What can cause this both mental and maybe physical. I have a fear of becoming schizo. This is VERY VERY serious. If I could even wrap my head around how bad I've become since the previous "me", I'd probably be having non-stop panic attacks...
Im 19 years old. I quit smoking week jan 1st and just drink on occasion now. I feel like a stroke victim or something. I have forgotten how to be social. Even my dad told me I don't seem as smart as I used to. Everythings crumbling apart. What can cause this both mental and maybe physical. I have a fear of becoming schizo. This is VERY VERY serious. If I could even wrap my head around how bad I've become since the previous "me", I'd probably be having non-stop panic attacks...
Hi WRXN,
Well, from my own experience, you don't have to tell ANYBODY that you're going to to see a county mental health psychologist. All you gotta do is, if you have to leave work early or something, is tell your supervisor that you have a "doctor's appointment" at such and such a time, and that's it. Lots of people at work have to go to the doctor, and it's no big deal and no explanation is required. You may keep WHY you're going a secret and not worry about it at all.
But if for some reason you might have to explain why you're going to the doc, you can tell a white lie and have an excuse handy, like you can say you have migraines. That is a great excuse, becuz they are similar to mental problems. But if someone really persists with wanting to talk about it, you can just say, "Well, in fact, I've got a headache right now and I just don't feel like talking. I'm sorry, it's just I don't feel so good these days." See, that can explain all sorts of things to people, if you're worried about what folks think of you.
So, now that we've got you set on what to say about a "doctor appointment," and giving yourself the illness of "migraines," there is no reason why you can't seek help with your mental issues. Look in the phone book today, just LOOK in there, and find in the white pages the name of your county, like look under the J's for "Jackson County," and underneath that heading you'll come to "Mental Health Department" or words to that effect...it might be under "Health Department," and then will come "Mental Health." Write down the phone number.
Then figure out ahead of time, a few good times of day when you would like to go in and be seen, like just before work ends or whatever time you are comfortable with. In fact, most mental health clinics have some evening appointments, so you can find out about that when you eventually call. In fact, they can even refer you to a private group of psychologists that DO have evening appointments. Anyhow, set the phone number you write down somewhere handy, and when you FINALLY work up the courage to go, and you do have to be strong to make this move, then call them. From there, it's pretty simple, really. Make an appointment. It's just exactly like going to a doctor. And then when the date and time comes, just go. It can't hurt!!!
This problem you have is not going to go away, as you realize already. And just think how great it will be that you're bound to get at least a little better, to where you're not so confused and alone anymore. Those docs, they are very well educated about mental illnesses, that's all they do, and they WANT to help you. You might even be able to return to completely normal, especially if you're just depressed, for example. But you need to man up and grab ahold of this here thing and get with the program. I've been in and out of many, many psych offices, and most people in the workplace and many friends I know do not realize this about me.
The thing of it is, friend, is your life is not satisfactory like it is. Practically NOTHING can compare with that!!! I mean, if your life ain't right, then nothing is right. You have to put your needs high up on your priority list, "get your priorities together," and take care of those needs ASAP. Everything else will then fall into place. You may WANT other things, but your NEEDS are a separate issue and sometimes you gotta do what you don't want to do because you need to, so attend to those needs, and get it over with so you can go on with your life.
Post back if you have any more concerns, and I'll try to address them for you. I'm on your side. I've been where you're going. And standing at the end of the path you're about to take, I can tell you the view is mighty good over here. So, come on, it'll be okay. Just give it a shot. The rewards are great, the risk is zero, so go for it.
GG
Well, from my own experience, you don't have to tell ANYBODY that you're going to to see a county mental health psychologist. All you gotta do is, if you have to leave work early or something, is tell your supervisor that you have a "doctor's appointment" at such and such a time, and that's it. Lots of people at work have to go to the doctor, and it's no big deal and no explanation is required. You may keep WHY you're going a secret and not worry about it at all.
But if for some reason you might have to explain why you're going to the doc, you can tell a white lie and have an excuse handy, like you can say you have migraines. That is a great excuse, becuz they are similar to mental problems. But if someone really persists with wanting to talk about it, you can just say, "Well, in fact, I've got a headache right now and I just don't feel like talking. I'm sorry, it's just I don't feel so good these days." See, that can explain all sorts of things to people, if you're worried about what folks think of you.
So, now that we've got you set on what to say about a "doctor appointment," and giving yourself the illness of "migraines," there is no reason why you can't seek help with your mental issues. Look in the phone book today, just LOOK in there, and find in the white pages the name of your county, like look under the J's for "Jackson County," and underneath that heading you'll come to "Mental Health Department" or words to that effect...it might be under "Health Department," and then will come "Mental Health." Write down the phone number.
Then figure out ahead of time, a few good times of day when you would like to go in and be seen, like just before work ends or whatever time you are comfortable with. In fact, most mental health clinics have some evening appointments, so you can find out about that when you eventually call. In fact, they can even refer you to a private group of psychologists that DO have evening appointments. Anyhow, set the phone number you write down somewhere handy, and when you FINALLY work up the courage to go, and you do have to be strong to make this move, then call them. From there, it's pretty simple, really. Make an appointment. It's just exactly like going to a doctor. And then when the date and time comes, just go. It can't hurt!!!
This problem you have is not going to go away, as you realize already. And just think how great it will be that you're bound to get at least a little better, to where you're not so confused and alone anymore. Those docs, they are very well educated about mental illnesses, that's all they do, and they WANT to help you. You might even be able to return to completely normal, especially if you're just depressed, for example. But you need to man up and grab ahold of this here thing and get with the program. I've been in and out of many, many psych offices, and most people in the workplace and many friends I know do not realize this about me.
The thing of it is, friend, is your life is not satisfactory like it is. Practically NOTHING can compare with that!!! I mean, if your life ain't right, then nothing is right. You have to put your needs high up on your priority list, "get your priorities together," and take care of those needs ASAP. Everything else will then fall into place. You may WANT other things, but your NEEDS are a separate issue and sometimes you gotta do what you don't want to do because you need to, so attend to those needs, and get it over with so you can go on with your life.
Post back if you have any more concerns, and I'll try to address them for you. I'm on your side. I've been where you're going. And standing at the end of the path you're about to take, I can tell you the view is mighty good over here. So, come on, it'll be okay. Just give it a shot. The rewards are great, the risk is zero, so go for it.
GG
Wow I look back on my myspace messages or think of how I used to act and talk and treat people. I'm 90% sure I am narcisstic or had alot of traits at least. Now I feel like I'm "split". Im depressed and in touch with my deep inner emotions. It has left me at a point where I don't know what to do. I can't go back to who I was, but am stuck on how I become who I want to be. I've had to isolate myself because I really don't have a personality now. I'm still narcissistic, but I'm aware of what I do and what I think, and how it's probably not how "normal" people view things. Sound like a depressed narcissist?
That's kinda what I'm thinking right now..
That's kinda what I'm thinking right now..
sorry the grammar is kinda messed up in that post ^ was switching in between writing and a online game lol
The part where I don't feel I'm strong enough, is getting help. It's like I'd rather run away or take the easy way out before letting the world know I'm "crazy" (which everyone already pretty much know I'm sure). Maybe not crazy, but just plain out weird. The hardest part is the change from who I was, to who I am now. I used to be the kinda kid who was full of intellect and was always the life of the part and everyones best friend. I could get along with anyone. I was smart, loved my life, and loved who I was. Now all of a sudden throughout a year, I've watched myself deteriorate. Into literally nothing. I am nothing compared to before. I may hardly utter one word at work, if I need help with something. I have friends (I met them before I "changed"), but I'm sure about 70% of the friends I had now consider me an aquantince or whatever.
If I just go get help, I feel like I'd have to start my life over again. I'm too worried on what other people would think. If I was "me", then how I am now, then changing again....and I'm sure the same "me" can never possible come out of what I am now. So that'll prolly cause people to distance themselves further. If I told them I have a mental illness, that's usually a 100% guarantee they'll distance themselves. I just straight up hate this world, and how it works. I've been thinking lately to just join the military to escape from who I am now....I don't know though.
I feel like everyday I'm experiencing HELL....and everyday is getting longer...
If I just go get help, I feel like I'd have to start my life over again. I'm too worried on what other people would think. If I was "me", then how I am now, then changing again....and I'm sure the same "me" can never possible come out of what I am now. So that'll prolly cause people to distance themselves further. If I told them I have a mental illness, that's usually a 100% guarantee they'll distance themselves. I just straight up hate this world, and how it works. I've been thinking lately to just join the military to escape from who I am now....I don't know though.
I feel like everyday I'm experiencing HELL....and everyday is getting longer...
Dear WRXN,
Well, it definitely sounds like you're losing your "grip" on reality. I have major depression and panic disorder, both controlled by medication, but for years and years I fought with it, saw a lot of psychiatrists, hospitalized twice, and am finally disabled by the whole thing. BUT for me, it all came from a car wreck I was in.
Anyhow, I know what it's like to experience fear, very hard to relax, "things" don't seem right no matter what you do, and you cannot see how in the world you're going to crawl out of that scary dark hole. I sympathize so much with you, and I wish I could say exactly what your particular mental disorder might be. Except I can say when you lose your mind, you CAN find it again, and get yourself back together, with the right help and medication.
I suppose there is a chance you're falling victim to schizophrenia. In the old days, they threw you in the booby hatch and that was it. But in today's days of advanced health technology and treatments, plus really humane and forward-thinking ideas from mental health physicians, even the craziest of people can find some normalcy in their lives and live like other people do, their loopy and confused thinking calmed waaaay down by medication and therapy. That movie, "A Beautiful Mind," directed by Ron Howard, was about a real mathematician who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and he went on to live fairly normally, married, and still working at Harvard or someplace like that.
There's also a chance you are simply feeling real depressed and anxious. Clinical depression can feel like insanity, too, and in fact, you can get measurably slower in thinking, to where you can't hardly put a square peg in a round hole. Famous people have been clinically depressed, like Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes, he crashed and burned big-time, TWICE, but he came out of it with drugs and therapy. Then there's the panic disorder that I have, which is shared by more famous people, like musician John Mayer who keep his meds on his person all the time in case he looses it, and actress Kim Bassinger who controls it thru exposure therapy.
Sooooo, I would strongly suggest that you go to the County Mental Health clinic in your area, make an appointment to be seen by somebody, and let them talk to you and give you a few tests to figure out what exactly you have, and then by golly they can treat you forthwith, and very soon you'll get better. And by the way, if they have to stick you in a mental health hospital for a little while, so be it... it's not unlike staying in a college dormitory, usually just for a week or two, until they see how you do with your medicines and the psychotherapy they want to work with you on. I rather liked it, I got to paint and listen to music and read and watch TV, I attended "group" sessions, which some REALLY crazy people also joined in, and I also learned to trust my psychiatrist who visited me there, and I had visitors and phone calls. So, it works out good to go "away" for a while. And you can really relax better because everyone around you is in the same boat. I think I'd avoid a "state institution," becuz sometimes they're not as comfortable as a private institution or as well-run as the "psych wing" of a hospital.
I'm just glad you are intelligent enough to realize you've go some sort of strange thing going on in your head, and are courageous enough to reach out here in this forum. And my advice, which I think you may accept better becuz it's from someone who has been there and "came back," is to get professional help real soon, so you don't have to suffer anymore! Let us know what your plans are to get help, and how things are going. And once you find out what your particular "issue" is, THEN you can find various forums all over the internet that talk about just that disorder you may have, and you'll get a lot of support that way, too, after you sort of get straight with the docs and return to regular living. Well, I hope some of what I say helps you, because I care, and keep us posted.
GG
Well, it definitely sounds like you're losing your "grip" on reality. I have major depression and panic disorder, both controlled by medication, but for years and years I fought with it, saw a lot of psychiatrists, hospitalized twice, and am finally disabled by the whole thing. BUT for me, it all came from a car wreck I was in.
Anyhow, I know what it's like to experience fear, very hard to relax, "things" don't seem right no matter what you do, and you cannot see how in the world you're going to crawl out of that scary dark hole. I sympathize so much with you, and I wish I could say exactly what your particular mental disorder might be. Except I can say when you lose your mind, you CAN find it again, and get yourself back together, with the right help and medication.
I suppose there is a chance you're falling victim to schizophrenia. In the old days, they threw you in the booby hatch and that was it. But in today's days of advanced health technology and treatments, plus really humane and forward-thinking ideas from mental health physicians, even the craziest of people can find some normalcy in their lives and live like other people do, their loopy and confused thinking calmed waaaay down by medication and therapy. That movie, "A Beautiful Mind," directed by Ron Howard, was about a real mathematician who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and he went on to live fairly normally, married, and still working at Harvard or someplace like that.
There's also a chance you are simply feeling real depressed and anxious. Clinical depression can feel like insanity, too, and in fact, you can get measurably slower in thinking, to where you can't hardly put a square peg in a round hole. Famous people have been clinically depressed, like Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes, he crashed and burned big-time, TWICE, but he came out of it with drugs and therapy. Then there's the panic disorder that I have, which is shared by more famous people, like musician John Mayer who keep his meds on his person all the time in case he looses it, and actress Kim Bassinger who controls it thru exposure therapy.
Sooooo, I would strongly suggest that you go to the County Mental Health clinic in your area, make an appointment to be seen by somebody, and let them talk to you and give you a few tests to figure out what exactly you have, and then by golly they can treat you forthwith, and very soon you'll get better. And by the way, if they have to stick you in a mental health hospital for a little while, so be it... it's not unlike staying in a college dormitory, usually just for a week or two, until they see how you do with your medicines and the psychotherapy they want to work with you on. I rather liked it, I got to paint and listen to music and read and watch TV, I attended "group" sessions, which some REALLY crazy people also joined in, and I also learned to trust my psychiatrist who visited me there, and I had visitors and phone calls. So, it works out good to go "away" for a while. And you can really relax better because everyone around you is in the same boat. I think I'd avoid a "state institution," becuz sometimes they're not as comfortable as a private institution or as well-run as the "psych wing" of a hospital.
I'm just glad you are intelligent enough to realize you've go some sort of strange thing going on in your head, and are courageous enough to reach out here in this forum. And my advice, which I think you may accept better becuz it's from someone who has been there and "came back," is to get professional help real soon, so you don't have to suffer anymore! Let us know what your plans are to get help, and how things are going. And once you find out what your particular "issue" is, THEN you can find various forums all over the internet that talk about just that disorder you may have, and you'll get a lot of support that way, too, after you sort of get straight with the docs and return to regular living. Well, I hope some of what I say helps you, because I care, and keep us posted.
GG
i dont think it was the marijuana though. I started feeling like this towards the end of my probation (was on probation, have a history of trouble and stressors). i wasnt smoking while on probation
What you have may not be long term. You need to go to a recovery group and in addition to stopping marijuana stop drinking alcohol entirely. And see how things improve. If it caused any permanent harm or initiated the onset of a psychiatric disability, then you can speak to a psychiatrist about that but you need some time for it to get out of our system as well as the effects it has had.
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