tics, I think

[wonder08]

I've been reading about tic disorders, but nothing really fits. I get jerky movements in my toes and fingers where I extend them, when I walk I bend or extend my fingers/wiggle them and my arms will kinda jerk around. my arms and legs jerk too at rest. as does my neck, which I can feel or hear a clicking sound when it happens... it's very slight though. I guess I also have facial tics too. and lately when i'm standing, I'll bend forward and to the side a little. also will turn my head to the right sometimes. I'm trying to convince myself that this is just some benign tic disorder, or anxiety related, but I'm not so sure. everything I'm reading says these tic disorders start before the age of 18. I think I was around  21, now 23 and like I said, it seems to be getting worse.

I also have problems thinking, remembering things- like long term things, like somethings up with how you actually remember? weird I know. and also learning new things, and sometimes speaking/articulating- slurred I guess. I always have to repeat myself to everyone I talk to.  anyway, I'm trying to convince myself that those problems are from depression/anxiety also.

walking is weird...  I guess I look drunk, I've been accused of it anyway. when I turn corners or walk through doorways I hit my arms or shoulder, and I sometimes stumble into things If I'm not watching every step I make.

I also get these blurry vision episode that just come and go. been to the eye doctors, he didn't know what was up. he just said that my eyes weren't focusing right. at my neuro appoint a year ago, they told me I had some eye movement disorder but didn't tell me anything except it's like lazy eye?

does any of this fit any type of tic disorder? I haven't had the guts to talk to a doctor about it, I think maybe it's all in my head. at least thats how I feel... that or why mention it because they can see it. I know, bad on my part. I'm just afraid they'll think I'm nuts because my real mom was. and I don't have any insurance right now, so I can't see a doctors even though I'm supposed to have an MRI yearly... my mom doesn't think it's important. so if anyone could just tell me what type of tic disorder this sounds like, that would be great. thanks!

I have taken ativan when the movements worry me, and I guess it helps. I also started remeron 15mg a couple years ago and that helped too at first when they weren't so noticeable... not much help anymore.

I know ativan can cuz bad balance, but the hitting arms and shoulders thing was probably my first symptom I noticed... long before I started taking it.

thanks for any help