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All but one intrusive thought gone
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All but one intrusive thought gone

I have managed to absolutely rid myself of all my intrusive thoughts except for one. No matter what I do, this one doesn't lighten up at all.
I'll start by saying.
1. I am in a committed relationship, and have only had sex with her in my whole life
2. I AM NOT stupid enough to even consider IV drug use
3. I don't have any friends that use IV drugs, but I know that they know some people who do.
4. I have a history of ocd and depression, paranoia also

Now to my thought:
I have friends
15 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
I have to finish the post here I guess.
I have friends that may or may not hang out with people who do IV drugs. I went hunting with these friends, and sat in the back seat, so I could slide around and see out both sides of the pickup. This happened before my ocd struck me, I don't remember how long ago, or if my past tests are valid for that. I don't remember feeling anything poke me, but being as it would have been in my buttocks, I'm not sure I would have felt it. My fear is that one of the people they might have been around may have lost a syringe out of their pocket, or disposed of it in there, and that I got stabbed, possibly injected with a used syringe. I have no idea why this won't go away, because I'm sure I didn't feel anything. I figure that it's probably the people that they could have been around that bugs me.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
hi there...here are some statistics

http://www.aidsmap.com/Risk-of-infection/page/1324549/

HIV is very hard to get really outside of the normal transmission routes.  Your scenario is not a normal transmission route.  However I wanted to provide you with some statistics and it seems that if HIV is present in the syringe and you get poked with it, you have a 0.32% chance of becoming infected.  Less than half a percent.  I would take those odds any day for something like cancer!  There is a stigma with HIV and I think that is why it sticks in people's minds.  We see it as messing up our entire lives in so many ways.  What you have to remember is we key in on the horrific...the thing that is going to do the most damage.  You need to treat this like the other thoughts.  There was no needle, therefore there can be no infection.  I once sat in an AIDS clinic on my lunch hour to get over HIV anxiety.  I felt like a fraud actually.  But it did work and today I am not bothered by it at all.  I know I am not going to get it unless I engage in those risky transmission behaviors.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you again. You haven't failed to help me even though I'm sure I get very annoying, I do apologize for this. I feel I just worry because I am currently planning a family, and I couldn't stand not being able to be a father due to something that I couldn't control. I'm with the love of my life and I'm getting married very soon, and only want the best for her, and I know I couldn't provide for her if I was paying $50,000 yearly for meds. Thank you for the statistics, as that's what helps a lot. I also research and on this site it is claimed that if you're not a drug user, there's no risk, and that no infection has happened from the situation that arose in my head. I hate this disorder, I can't live my life. I just pray that this situation didn't happen. I'm also extremely terrified of getting a false positive if I test again.
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9784446_tn?1421340646
keep on taking the treatment, it will take some time ,may be few months, but you will get complete control on ocd and you will get your life back
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks Tushar, I'm continuing with treatment, and doing self therapy. I don't remember anything poking me that night, so I honestly don't know why it won't go away. It's odd how one thought can stick and all the rest go away
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Avatar_f_tn
I developed a slight fear of sleepwalking and thought I had gotten over it. The thing is that I have dreams that I'm having sex with people. On New Years eve, we had tons of people over at my house, there was no alcohol whatsoever. I went to bed around 2 am and was woken at about 8 am. So basically my mind has a new fear that that night I had sex with somebody besides my girlfriend in my sleep. Fast forward to now, I have a little rash on my left arm, but I think it could be from shearing goats, that also have fleas today. Could it be just an allergy of goat hair, or flea bites? Or could I have done something in my sleep and this be an ARS rash?
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1699033_tn?1405352675
No
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Avatar_f_tn
You believe it's an allergy?
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Avatar_f_tn
Coming along to make this whole problem worse is a sinus infection. The thing is I'm having these episodes where I almost pass out, I'm sure due to sinus pressure and throwing off my equilibrium. I have actually convinced myself that I would have felt something poke me that night I went hunting, which I didnt. I had been around someone whom I did not know, this person was smoking marijuana when I met them, and I could have had a contact high while I was hunting, but I'm sure that even with a full blown high I would have felt something poke me. I do not smoke marijuana just for clarity. I'm working on this issue, and fighting these what ifs every single day, I have good days and bad days, and I'm slowly getting better.
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We also had been painting parts for my pickup, so the fumes could have disoriented me too. That's one more thing I'm trying to fight
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I also made the mistake of stepping onto a scale this morning. I've lost 20 pounds in the last three months
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Whatever therapy you are doing, it is not working right now.  You have lost 20 pounds because you have been in this too long.  I'm sure food doesn't even have any taste at this point.  Depression starts to set in.  Please discuss with your doctor so that you an get on a treatment program that works for you.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I didn't even know that stress could do that to a person
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1699033_tn?1405352675
it absolutely can.  It also weakens your immune system which is probably why you have a sinus infection.  
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Thank you very much
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