I know it's not good to self diagnose yourself with something, but for the last few months I've been thinking I have some form of OCD due to my intrusive thoughts. Previously I posted a longer paragraph about my struggles with thinking I was pedophile then gay. For some reason I could trust myself enough to let the pedophile thing go, but the gay one is trickier. I have no problem with gay people, I think they're great and admire the courage they have. Yet, when I think of myself being a lesbian I just.. can't deal. Obsessive thoughts keep looming over my head saying 'Am I gay? Am I gay? Oh god I'm gay. Am I going to have to come out or something?'. Then I will see a picture or glimpse of a cute boy and it's like I'm back to my old self but then the thoughts just wind up even stronger.
I'm not sure what to do or what this even means. Bisexuality I could maybe even accept because that at least means I have the possibility of being with a man, but just being gay? I don't know.. that scares me far too much. My thoughts are always on high alert to see if I'm enjoying it and I'm afraid at this point maybe I am and I don't even know it. Nothing feels real anymore, I don't have much will to live right now..
Yeah, maybe it's HOCD. Anyway, I am not prepared for diagnose what you have, so you must see a therapist. I know it's difficult this and it feel so real. You can send me a message and we can talk, maybe i could help you. I'm also struggling with this. Cheers!
It is always good when you have these types of thoughts to go and get the diagnosis that way the pschologist knows what you two need to work on. The bottom line is we do not wake up one day and become gay. IMO we are either born gay or we are not. The trick is to give these thoughts no credit. They are fictions that your mind has created. Say out loud "I'm gay." After having done so, does it make you want to run out and have a relationship with another woman? I'm thinking not and if that is indeed the case, then you cannot possibly be gay.
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