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Are they hiv risks or is it OCD
hey guys , im gonna try to recap everything quickly
About 1 year ago, i performed a sexual act with a girl i just met ( my first time, im 18 years old), then i became really scared of stds and hiv, it was horrible. From that day, my life has been a living hell. so i got tested for hiv 4 times and stds 4 months later , and they all were negative.
Then i went on vacation 4 months ago and i went to a shisha cafe, when the waiter gave me the shisha, there was slimy stuff on the tip of it, and so i thought it was semen that had hiv or stds, and it touched my lips and my lips had cuts.
Then i was walking in the streets one day, i was wearing flip flops and as i was walking, a screw went through my flip flops and into my foot, and now im thinking that what if some hiv positive person stepped on it before i did.
And the last exposure (or atleast what i think) was 2 days ago, when i went to the a store, i was signing papers for a contract ( cellphone), and when the worker handed me my copy, i cut my self with the stapler piece that was on the papers, and then the thought came again, what if the person cut him self before i did, and he had hiv or stds.
As you can see im living in hell right now, im always having anxiety attacks, im scared of anything when it comes to hiv or stds. I dont touch anything that i think that might have stds or hiv. Im always thinking about this, and for the past year, ive been thinking about suacide, and i keep telling my self that ill go to hell if i do that ( im a catholic christian). now im just waiting for the three months to pass so i could get an hiv test for the 5th time.
I live with my family, and since i think that i might have stds or hiv, i always try to keep my bodily fluids to my self to protect my family, i dont share anything with my family, i always wash my hands like a billion times so that i dont infect anything ( or atleast thats what i think) and pass it on to my family, my obsession really started to separate me from my family and friends. Everytime i go to the washroom , i always clean after me, and wiping anything i touch so my family wont catch anything.
Im really in pain right now, i cant do anything with this, no studying, no happiness, im always always depressed and unhappy, and i take out my anger by hitting random things. Im in my room 90 percent of the times, i barley go out with friends or anybody. Im always panicing when i think about the exposures that i had , and my heart starts beating like crazy. I cant explain the words to what im going through right now. I just feel like i wanna die. Please guys what do you think, are they risks for hiv or do you think i have hiv ocd. i didnt go to therapy. can anybody relate to what im going through , im really looking forward for an answer
About 1 year ago, i performed a sexual act with a girl i just met ( my first time, im 18 years old), then i became really scared of stds and hiv, it was horrible. From that day, my life has been a living hell. so i got tested for hiv 4 times and stds 4 months later , and they all were negative.
Then i went on vacation 4 months ago and i went to a shisha cafe, when the waiter gave me the shisha, there was slimy stuff on the tip of it, and so i thought it was semen that had hiv or stds, and it touched my lips and my lips had cuts.
Then i was walking in the streets one day, i was wearing flip flops and as i was walking, a screw went through my flip flops and into my foot, and now im thinking that what if some hiv positive person stepped on it before i did.
And the last exposure (or atleast what i think) was 2 days ago, when i went to the a store, i was signing papers for a contract ( cellphone), and when the worker handed me my copy, i cut my self with the stapler piece that was on the papers, and then the thought came again, what if the person cut him self before i did, and he had hiv or stds.
As you can see im living in hell right now, im always having anxiety attacks, im scared of anything when it comes to hiv or stds. I dont touch anything that i think that might have stds or hiv. Im always thinking about this, and for the past year, ive been thinking about suacide, and i keep telling my self that ill go to hell if i do that ( im a catholic christian). now im just waiting for the three months to pass so i could get an hiv test for the 5th time.
I live with my family, and since i think that i might have stds or hiv, i always try to keep my bodily fluids to my self to protect my family, i dont share anything with my family, i always wash my hands like a billion times so that i dont infect anything ( or atleast thats what i think) and pass it on to my family, my obsession really started to separate me from my family and friends. Everytime i go to the washroom , i always clean after me, and wiping anything i touch so my family wont catch anything.
Im really in pain right now, i cant do anything with this, no studying, no happiness, im always always depressed and unhappy, and i take out my anger by hitting random things. Im in my room 90 percent of the times, i barley go out with friends or anybody. Im always panicing when i think about the exposures that i had , and my heart starts beating like crazy. I cant explain the words to what im going through right now. I just feel like i wanna die. Please guys what do you think, are they risks for hiv or do you think i have hiv ocd. i didnt go to therapy. can anybody relate to what im going through , im really looking forward for an answer
Trust me, the doctor is not going to judge you. My own doctor told me that he is seeing a spike in anxiety patients. It is simply the times we live in and everybody is worried about something. And BTW, HIV anxiety is near the top if not the top anxiety out there. So you are defintiely not alone. Be honest with the doctor so you can get the proper help. :) Let me know how it goes!
thank you so much , ur answer helped me out to a degree that i cant explain. im going to go to the doctors first thing on monday. i feel a bit calm now, something i havnt experienced in along time. the only thing im nervous about is explaining it to my doctor, like hes probably gonna think im crazy and then its gonna get awkward, but ill think ill go through it.
You absolutely have HIV anxiety. To be honest with you, all those "exposures" you say you have had are not exposures at all. You are more likely to get tetanus from the nail than you are to get HIV. And even getting tetanus is a long shot. Equate it to getting struck by lightning. You have a better chance of that than getting HIV from any of the "exposures" you mentioned.
So what do you do? Well I see that you live in Canda and you have socialized medicine there, correct? What you really need is to visit a psychiatrist. But I know that with socialized medicine there is a long wait for that. So I think the first place to start is with your general doctor. Explain what is going on to him/her. They more than likely can prescribe some medication to help you such as a SSRI or SNRI. But ultimately medication should be under the supervision of a psychiatrist who can help you learn to deal with the anxiety. So if you need a referral, convince your GP and get in line for the visit to a psychiatrist.
You know that HIV can only be transmitted from DIRECT contact from an infected person's bodily fluids straight into your body. HIV cannot live on surfaces. Think about the flu for example. Look how prolifient that is at spreading once the virus is around. You can get it from doorknobs, beeing sneezed on by someone. It goes through entire families. Now look at HIV. It is extremely hard to get. Even if you were to have unprotected sex with an HIV positive person, the chances of getting it are still not 100 percent. If HIV could be so easily transmitted, we would all have it.
Try to journal your thoughts. Write down the negative thought and then follow that up with a positive one, one based in fact and not the fiction that our minds create.
You are only 18. YOu have an entire life ahead of you and you deserve to live it to the fullest without this anxiety hanging over your head 24/7. One day you will want to have a girlfriend, you will want to be intimate with her and you don't want to have anxiety about it. This is all possible I promise you. YOu just need to seek professional help right now to get passed it. So many people have gone through what you are going through, myself included.
Here is a little story for you about me. I had HIV anxiety so bad. I thought I could get it from touching things, etc. My theapy was a type of exposure therapy. I worked across the street from a hospital. My therapy was to spend my lunch hour in the AIDS clinic waiting room. I had to sit there and touch the magazines, sit in the chairs, etc. After a few weeks, the anxiety had gone away. I faced my fear and realized you simply cannot contract the virus from touching things HIV infected people touched or sitting in the same chairs or even being in the room when one of them sneezed in your vacinity. It worked very well for me and I'm free of my HIV anxiety.
YOU CAN DO THIS. You are angry of course. You are depresed of course. Anxiety that is left unchecked leads to all of these things. So make an appointment with the doctor ASAP. Start the process of getting better becasue YOU CAN get better. I'm here if you need to talk about anything else. If you have not explained this to your parents, you probably should. They are wondering what the heck is going on with you. Just tell them you have HIV anxiety. YOu don't have to mention the sex that kind of triggered it. But they need to know so that they can help you. If it were one of my teenagers, I would want to know becasue I would move hell and high water to get them the help they need.
So what do you do? Well I see that you live in Canda and you have socialized medicine there, correct? What you really need is to visit a psychiatrist. But I know that with socialized medicine there is a long wait for that. So I think the first place to start is with your general doctor. Explain what is going on to him/her. They more than likely can prescribe some medication to help you such as a SSRI or SNRI. But ultimately medication should be under the supervision of a psychiatrist who can help you learn to deal with the anxiety. So if you need a referral, convince your GP and get in line for the visit to a psychiatrist.
You know that HIV can only be transmitted from DIRECT contact from an infected person's bodily fluids straight into your body. HIV cannot live on surfaces. Think about the flu for example. Look how prolifient that is at spreading once the virus is around. You can get it from doorknobs, beeing sneezed on by someone. It goes through entire families. Now look at HIV. It is extremely hard to get. Even if you were to have unprotected sex with an HIV positive person, the chances of getting it are still not 100 percent. If HIV could be so easily transmitted, we would all have it.
Try to journal your thoughts. Write down the negative thought and then follow that up with a positive one, one based in fact and not the fiction that our minds create.
You are only 18. YOu have an entire life ahead of you and you deserve to live it to the fullest without this anxiety hanging over your head 24/7. One day you will want to have a girlfriend, you will want to be intimate with her and you don't want to have anxiety about it. This is all possible I promise you. YOu just need to seek professional help right now to get passed it. So many people have gone through what you are going through, myself included.
Here is a little story for you about me. I had HIV anxiety so bad. I thought I could get it from touching things, etc. My theapy was a type of exposure therapy. I worked across the street from a hospital. My therapy was to spend my lunch hour in the AIDS clinic waiting room. I had to sit there and touch the magazines, sit in the chairs, etc. After a few weeks, the anxiety had gone away. I faced my fear and realized you simply cannot contract the virus from touching things HIV infected people touched or sitting in the same chairs or even being in the room when one of them sneezed in your vacinity. It worked very well for me and I'm free of my HIV anxiety.
YOU CAN DO THIS. You are angry of course. You are depresed of course. Anxiety that is left unchecked leads to all of these things. So make an appointment with the doctor ASAP. Start the process of getting better becasue YOU CAN get better. I'm here if you need to talk about anything else. If you have not explained this to your parents, you probably should. They are wondering what the heck is going on with you. Just tell them you have HIV anxiety. YOu don't have to mention the sex that kind of triggered it. But they need to know so that they can help you. If it were one of my teenagers, I would want to know becasue I would move hell and high water to get them the help they need.
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