I'm not even sure I'll be able to explain this but I'm gonna give it a try because I honestly can't take it anymore. For as long as I can remember I've been consumed with this overwhelming amount of worry. When I was a kid and let's say my mom were late getting home from work the whole time I sat there crying thinking that something had happened. Even now, being 26, I have to talk to my parents at least once day just so I know that everything is okay. If they don't answer I automatically hit high alert and start to panic even though I know they are working and probably couldn't hear the phone. I usually have to talk to them twards the end of the day because I can then go to sleep knowing that everything is at it should be and I can sleep then. It's a constant and never ending thought process in my head that is continuing to get worse and it's starting to feel like the plague! I hate to think of being out of town because I'm afraid of something happening and me not being there. I can't figure out why I keep assuming something is going to go wrong. I know it's not normal though and it's kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. I haven't really talked to them about it because I'm afraid they'll think I'm losing my mind. I'm just trying to find some answers so that when I do talk to my family about this there might be a little more insight.
I have had the exact same worries as you for as long as I can remember. A few months ago my mom didn't come home from work when she usually does, and I couldn't get a hold of her on her cell or work phone. I freaked out and drove to her work where her car was still parked. I pounded on the locked door of her office, sobbing, thinking that she might be dead inside. She eventually came to the door and everything was fine, but I have had such a hard time stopping these horrible thoughts from entering my mind.
I use to have to talk to my mom everyday, and I also worry about going out of town or traveling anywhere because something might happen to her when I'm gone. I use to love to travel, but lately I have extreme anxiety before I go anywhere.
I was recently diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety/Panic disorder. Anxiety causes lots of strange things, including thoughts of impending doom. I've been put on 20mg of Fluoxetine, along with another med to help me sleep, and Ativan 1mg to take when I get panic attacks. I've also been talking to a cognitive behavioral therapist who has helped me even more then the meds I think. Once I realized that my thoughts and fears are all due to anxiety it became so much easier to not let the thoughts control me.
It's still hard, and I still fight the thoughts once in a while, but just the other day I went on a road trip for a week, which was something I could have never done just a few months ago. We can't let fear stop us from living our lives. I know how strong the fear and the thoughts can be, but just know you're not alone in what you're going through. I would definitely speak with a doctor about what's going on because it sounds to me like you may have an anxiety disorder. There are lots of ways to treat it and live a normal life again.
Thank you one hundred times over! I can't tell you how nice it is to know that someone has been through this as well. I'm going to make an appointment to talk to my doctor and to go through my options.
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