Beware i bite...

Okay... so i don't know what is important and what is not so i will just post everything. For the past couple years i have had these violent images raging from me doing something to someone else, to someone else doing something to me, to having nothing at all to do with me but some else (suicide, murder, abuse, etc..) These images scare the hell out of me and i loose like a second or two then this happens, i cant move, i cant think, i just see it and swear i can feel the terror and pain. When i snap out i grasp my breath and close my eyes and i'm scared. This has happened as little as once a week to around 9 times a day. Recently like for a couple months, i have had a compulsion to bite others and myself, i don't want to eat them, i don't want to make them bleed, i just want to bit down as hard as i can. Every time i have this compulsion i feel... amazing. My whole body is tingling and a wave of... ecstasy just courses through me. There have been a couple times i have not been able to stop myself, but thankfully i have only bitten my boyfriend who doesn't mind but i have and do want to bite others. But i cant seem to stop myself, i don't know why i'm doing it... Schizophrenia runs in my family and i'm afraid i'm loosing my sanity. So far i have never broken skin, just left deep indentations, but my teeth are sharp and i know that there is no guarantee that i might actually do this if i don't stop. As much as i like the feeling that comes, the act kinda scares me as well, i have no medical and i'm a buss tables so i dont make really any money at all around 20$ a day total. What can i do? Why am i doing this? Why does it feel so good when the urge hits or and more so when i act upon it? How can i stop it and make this urge go away?

[isis006]

it is linked to pretty much all kinds of mental disorders.. people who are prone to being a little off balanced i guess you could say. we think about hurting people and can realistically see ourselves doing things, but at the same time our training in the world tells us its bad and not to do it.. most people have a dark and twisted side like this, just most people are more compelled to ignore it. they say things like this are linked to abuse and such in our pasts, it probably is.. it also happens with depression.. a counselor can help you dig through your mind and find reasoning, they can recommend techniques and ideas to help, they can give textbook definitions and answers, theyll definitely try to pump you full of pills.. but the truth is, its ok to have these thoughts to a certain extent, because everyone has them.. from what i understand of mine, its an easy release of all the bs i have built up about life and a crappy past. the best way to deal with it is to find a hobby or two.. my friend draws 'satanic' artwork, i write dark demented poetry and complain about all the unfairness in life on a blog.. this kind of stuff makes it a little better. i guess its supplementing the urges (like hurting others), finding a healthy release for everything built up inside.. and if you have a fear of schizophrenia, dont fear it. thats the easiest way to become one. it is your mind, you have to find a way to control it. most people think if youre schizo, thats that.. its not. through my teen years i was diagnosed as a schizo and felt like i was going insane, following the path of my fathers family cuz theyre all psychotic.. but i finally had enough and refused to become like them. i took control of my mind and ignored the fear, ignored the panic. i consumed myself with living, friends, hobbies, jobs.. the best thing was i found friends just as odd as me, and we were weird together, did abnormal things together, and it just made me feel so normal.. it helped me ignore all the nutty things that were happening in my head.. and one day, i realized i wasnt a schizo anymore. it felt good to go to a shrink and not be suspected of being one.. but i know everyone is different. you should go to a counselor or something just to see what they say, see if you feel thats what you need.. almost everywhere has low cost counseling for people. most places do sliding scale fees, or like 5 or 10 bucks a session. theyre almost always listed on a homeless resource list and you can find them online.. oh, and i bite my guy all the time, ive always loved biting and i dont care the reason for it, because i like it. and he doesnt mind, so as far as im concerned, its a healthy release.