Can it be Responsibility OCD if you Have Obsessive Guilt for Things You Did do?

[lesmis]

Hi all,

   I'm new to OCD and I've never been diagnosed, but have begun researching it recently.  I'm interested in responsibility ocd. A lot of what I've read has suggested that "spikes" are often overexaggerated feelings of responsibility for things that could happen if someone doesn't do something . . . like someone might be afraid that if they don't pick up a bottle in the street it will cause a car accident, etc. etc. so worry over something most would not necessarily feel is their responsibility and what is only a hypothetical occurrence.

About a year and a half ago, I was partially responsible for a car accident (no one was injured and I wasn't cited for anything, and I wasn't even moving when the other driver hit me (so couldn't be responsible for speed of impact, etc. -- I had been in a single car accident when the other driver hit me. I think about it from time to time -- but this seems a bit reasonable since there were things I could have done to avoid it)  However, this seems to have set off a series of going back to other instances when I could have behaved better  -- the time I could have more safely disposed of a coping saw blade ( i wrapped it in newspaper and doublebagged it but maybe I could have put it in a puncture proof container) -- I'm usually able to talk myself out of these things after awhile, and I'm functioning in my life and doing well at work, though I suppose I could be using this energy to think about other things and I sometimes feel guilty for enjoying myself and like I don't deserve too etc., etc.

My latest worry is over something that happened a few weeks ago.  I was feeling a bit down over worrying about something else, and decided to go to retire early. I was laying in bed and feeling a bit worn out and depressed (this doesn't happen often) and was starting to fall asleep.  I was listening to the traffic going by (i live in a city on a residential road that is off a major highway and located near more commercial blocks), when I heard what might have been tires breaking quickly (it was raining) and a bang or two -- It sounded to me like a fender bender  (not necessarily a loud crash, or broken glass, etc.) but I wasn't sure and I wasn't even sure where it was -- like if I was hearing traffic from my block or something further away).

I debated with myself on whether to get up and see if someone needed assistance (and this is obviously the right and ideal thing to do), but was feeling, I don't know, a little too bone tired to get up, I was debating with myself that someone could really need me, what if  no one else stopped, than reasoned that the likelihood of the accident being bad at all, or so bad that there were injuries, or that no one on a crowded street or even my roommate who was awake and near our front window while i was in the back of the house away from windows would not see it and alert me if help was needed), I must have really exhausted bc i fell asleep and the next thing I knew it was morning.  My roommate mentioned the car accident the next day and said that it had in fact been a fender bender and that it happened at our corner, she looked out the window and saw everyone get out right away so went back to what she was doing, which is all I would have and probably could have done . . .

so i'm essentially lamenting not looking out a window in reality; however, there's a nagging voice in my head that is comparing myself to the neighbors that ignored what happened to Kitty Genovese or the two year who was run over by two cars in china because no passerbys would stop. What if the car accident had been worse than it sounded and people did need help? What if no one else stopped? I know that nothing happened, but I keep worrying about what my reaction (which admittedly is not necessarily typical, i'm not apathetic, and in the past have gotten out of a car and crossed lanes of highway traffic during rush hour to assist someone in an accident, check on them, push their car over to the side, etc.) and what it says about me as a person? Am I the same as the neighbors would ignore their neighbors in distress but I just happened to get lucky that no one was injured? Or am I wasting energy worrying about a fender bender that was likely the sort of thing that happens regularly in the city I live in?

This is rather a long set up to a question, but I guess I'm essentially wondering what other people think about the situation I'm describing? Again, i think the ideal thing would have been to look out my window and check on the situation, better safe than sorry, etc. Is it responsibility ocd, or do I deserve to feel guilty because I actually did fail to respond in a way that is my responsiblity (unlike the person who notices a bottle someone else left in the street and doesn't move it). The irony of course is that if I hadn't been worry so much about other things, I wouldn't have been upset, and probably would have been up, saw that the accident was nothing and never thought about it again, so clearly guilt is affecting my life? But don't some things we deserve to feel guilty about? If I was one of Kitty Genovese's neighbors most people would say that I deserved to feel guilty for the rest of my life and not stop thinking about her?

[JGF25]

Hi there...In reading your post I noticed that you made reference to Kitty Genovese several times.  I had to Google the name because I had no idea who she was.  I see that she was murdered way back in 1964 and that neighbors didn't respond.  When did you stumble across this story?  Did your problems start after you read the story or did you have them all along?  

OCD has a lot to do with control.  We want to control everything in our environment from start to finish and we will take something as innane as a bottle in the road and catastrophize it into something awful.  Usually people fixate the problems on themselves but you seem to be fixating on others.  At some point you need to realize that you have no control over these situations.  These are everyday life occurences that in the majority of cases don't need any intervention from outsiders.  

Now compare the fender bender and the bottle to walking down the local mall and seeing a child walk past you without parental supervision who is crying....in that situation you stop the child, ask if they are lost and take them to security.  I'm sure you would do that....I have done that.  So do you see the difference here?  

OCD is full of what-ifs and forward thinking and catastrophizing.  The poster above is quite right in that it is a loop that we get stuck on.  There are ways to get off the rollercoaster that is OCD and that involves seeing a psychologist who hopefully teaches cognitive behavioral therapy.  So that is your next step really.  Make the call and get in to see somebody so that you can get the help you need to move on and not feel guilty and over analyze everything in your life.  

Take care.

[Windstorm75]

You have to keep in mind that OCD creates thoughts in your brain that are circular. Someone without it has a more linear thought pattern. They think about the accident, determine their involvement, make a decision, and then close the thought. OCD cause a circular thought so you never get to close the loop. The thought remains constant. You think about it, come to a conclusion, and then start over. It sounds like this is what you are doing. And if you have OCD, then telling you the logical answer, which is you and the accident near you have absolutely nothing to do with each other, doesn't help. I know. The most important thing about this is that you should go see someone to determine of you in fact have ocd, and then work on a plan to improve.

But really, no guilt necessary here. You didn't cause the accident and your involvement after the fact wouldn't have changed anything.