Aa
Do I have OCD and if so, what should I do? (note: kind of morbid)
My whole life I have had some OCD and anxiety symptoms, like when I was 7 I was horribly afraid of germs and I would wash my hands constantly-- so much that the skin became dry and cracked. I have also had many obsessive fears, usually triggered by scary movies or reading about diseases. Probably the worst was I had a fear of asthma when I was 7 (that was a really bad year for me). I avoided dust at all costs, and was constantly checking my breathing. I also had pretty bad separation anxiety for a long time and have had anxiety attacks in the past (but never for no reason; they were triggered by a scary movie I saw with friends when I was 11).
Aside from the hand washing, I had few serious compulsions. Most of my problems involve intrusive, obsessive thoughts. Occasionally I would threaten myself with consequences if I didn't do something random, like put a book back on a shelf in a set amount of time, but that was pretty tame.
By the time I was 13 or 14 though, a lot of this had pretty much gone away and I wasn't having any symptoms. Then one day (this is the morbid part) I heard someone talking about a play, I think it was Shakespeare; in which one of the characters gouges out their own eyes as self-punishment. This stuck in my brain, I think because it combines two really major fears I have: going blind, and either losing control and going insane or making a bad choice I would regret. For a few weeks I could not stop feeling very afraid that I would 'lose control' and harm my eyes and imagining doing so, wondering what would happen, how it would feel, etc. I didn't tell anyone, even though I usually tell my mother all of my obsessive thoughts (it makes me feel better to say them), because I couldn't figure out how to explain it; it just sounds really bad and I don't want to horrify people. I'm afraid my friends would think I was really crazy or become afraid of me. It eventually went away, but a few days ago it came back (triggered by a news article) and now I'm having the same problem again and it's really bothering me and causing a lot of stress. I'm usually very logical, but I try to use logic on this and it doesn't help much, I just think "well, there are so many people in the world that someone must have done this at some point, so it could happen to you" and I get freaked out again. Sometimes I'm able to forget about it, and then everything is okay, but it always comes back. I have/have had other morbid/violent thoughts as well, but they don't bother me quite as much although they disturb me sometimes too. They aren't 'in focus' right now, I guess.
Also, I think this all gets worse in the summer when I have a lot of free time to torment myself and few distractions. Another thing is that I think the symptoms got better when I started school after being homeschooled all my life, because I got busier.
I'm pretty sure this must be self-harm OCD but I don't know what to do, or how to approach my parents about it (I'm a 15 year old girl), plus I'm shy about talking to a therapist. And I was doing fine for at least a year in between when I last had a problem and now. I thought I was over all this crap. :( Does anyone have any advice? And do I have to take any medications? I really don't want to. Thank you so much.
Aside from the hand washing, I had few serious compulsions. Most of my problems involve intrusive, obsessive thoughts. Occasionally I would threaten myself with consequences if I didn't do something random, like put a book back on a shelf in a set amount of time, but that was pretty tame.
By the time I was 13 or 14 though, a lot of this had pretty much gone away and I wasn't having any symptoms. Then one day (this is the morbid part) I heard someone talking about a play, I think it was Shakespeare; in which one of the characters gouges out their own eyes as self-punishment. This stuck in my brain, I think because it combines two really major fears I have: going blind, and either losing control and going insane or making a bad choice I would regret. For a few weeks I could not stop feeling very afraid that I would 'lose control' and harm my eyes and imagining doing so, wondering what would happen, how it would feel, etc. I didn't tell anyone, even though I usually tell my mother all of my obsessive thoughts (it makes me feel better to say them), because I couldn't figure out how to explain it; it just sounds really bad and I don't want to horrify people. I'm afraid my friends would think I was really crazy or become afraid of me. It eventually went away, but a few days ago it came back (triggered by a news article) and now I'm having the same problem again and it's really bothering me and causing a lot of stress. I'm usually very logical, but I try to use logic on this and it doesn't help much, I just think "well, there are so many people in the world that someone must have done this at some point, so it could happen to you" and I get freaked out again. Sometimes I'm able to forget about it, and then everything is okay, but it always comes back. I have/have had other morbid/violent thoughts as well, but they don't bother me quite as much although they disturb me sometimes too. They aren't 'in focus' right now, I guess.
Also, I think this all gets worse in the summer when I have a lot of free time to torment myself and few distractions. Another thing is that I think the symptoms got better when I started school after being homeschooled all my life, because I got busier.
I'm pretty sure this must be self-harm OCD but I don't know what to do, or how to approach my parents about it (I'm a 15 year old girl), plus I'm shy about talking to a therapist. And I was doing fine for at least a year in between when I last had a problem and now. I thought I was over all this crap. :( Does anyone have any advice? And do I have to take any medications? I really don't want to. Thank you so much.
Deeproots it is unlikely that the original poster from 2012 will ever be on there again. Perhaps the person you are referring to could post their own question? JGF
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I figured as much. I'm actually suffering from this exact obsession so I'll post a question about it hopefully.
Do you have any updates on how treamtent went for you? I know someone going through something similar.
1 Comments
i have suffered from similar obsessions in past and completely recovered from it.
Hi there and welcome to the forum.
First let me say that you sound like a classic OCD sufferer. Since we are not doctors, we cannot officially diagnose you though. What you have gone through, I have gone through as well. So now that makes three of us on here that can relate. What that tells you is that it is pretty common among OCD sufferers to kind of run the gamut of irrational thinking. Gracie talked to a therapist and let it all out and I did the same. I mean really who wants to sit there and say "I'm afraid I may just wake up blind" or "I'm afraid I may stab my husband to death and not mean to." These things do make us sound pretty insane but honestly, you cannot come up with a scenario that a psychologist and/or psychiatrist has not already heard before. It is impossible. So in regard to your shyness about talking to a therapist, forget about it. You can't surprise them and actually what you say is going to sound very normal believe it or not.
Gracie is right in that people with these types of irrational thoughts don't follow through with them. You are never going to gouge your eyes out. In fact, part of my "exposure" therapy was to go into a dark room, close my eyes and imagine myself carrying out some of the things I was irrationally thinking about....guess what...it helped me to realize that I'm not that type of person, that I would never do something like that and that helped me let the thought go.
Now at 15, I'm not really sure if a psychiatrist would put you on medication without first trying cognitive behavior therapy but to be honest with you, CBT is invaluable so if you are going to start somewhere then see a psychologist that teaches CBT and has a good handle on OCD. From there you can try the techniques and find out which ones work best for you. Medication, on the other hand, can be very effective. For myself I use both a combination of medication and CBT. Medication doesn't make it all go away but it can make it easier to say ENOUGH and dismiss the thought at being irrational. It all has to do with brain chemistry and retraining our brains and the way we think. So if you alter your brain chemistry via medication (SSRIs) and learn to retrain the way you think and handle the anxiety (CBT), it can go a long way to making you better. As you said you are only 15. Now is the time to get a handle on it. It is not going to go away by itself. And every stressor you have in your life is going to more than likely bring it all to the forefront again.
I applaud you for getting through some horrible times in your life. You have no doubt learned some coping strategies on your own. Now it is time to take it a step further. It is not necessary to do this alone.
Lastly, here are a couple of books you may consider purchasing. The first is The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The second is a book by Joseph Luciani called Self-coaching.
Take care and let us know how you are doing. Please give seeing a psychologist some thought. I don't think you will be sorry for having done so.
First let me say that you sound like a classic OCD sufferer. Since we are not doctors, we cannot officially diagnose you though. What you have gone through, I have gone through as well. So now that makes three of us on here that can relate. What that tells you is that it is pretty common among OCD sufferers to kind of run the gamut of irrational thinking. Gracie talked to a therapist and let it all out and I did the same. I mean really who wants to sit there and say "I'm afraid I may just wake up blind" or "I'm afraid I may stab my husband to death and not mean to." These things do make us sound pretty insane but honestly, you cannot come up with a scenario that a psychologist and/or psychiatrist has not already heard before. It is impossible. So in regard to your shyness about talking to a therapist, forget about it. You can't surprise them and actually what you say is going to sound very normal believe it or not.
Gracie is right in that people with these types of irrational thoughts don't follow through with them. You are never going to gouge your eyes out. In fact, part of my "exposure" therapy was to go into a dark room, close my eyes and imagine myself carrying out some of the things I was irrationally thinking about....guess what...it helped me to realize that I'm not that type of person, that I would never do something like that and that helped me let the thought go.
Now at 15, I'm not really sure if a psychiatrist would put you on medication without first trying cognitive behavior therapy but to be honest with you, CBT is invaluable so if you are going to start somewhere then see a psychologist that teaches CBT and has a good handle on OCD. From there you can try the techniques and find out which ones work best for you. Medication, on the other hand, can be very effective. For myself I use both a combination of medication and CBT. Medication doesn't make it all go away but it can make it easier to say ENOUGH and dismiss the thought at being irrational. It all has to do with brain chemistry and retraining our brains and the way we think. So if you alter your brain chemistry via medication (SSRIs) and learn to retrain the way you think and handle the anxiety (CBT), it can go a long way to making you better. As you said you are only 15. Now is the time to get a handle on it. It is not going to go away by itself. And every stressor you have in your life is going to more than likely bring it all to the forefront again.
I applaud you for getting through some horrible times in your life. You have no doubt learned some coping strategies on your own. Now it is time to take it a step further. It is not necessary to do this alone.
Lastly, here are a couple of books you may consider purchasing. The first is The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The second is a book by Joseph Luciani called Self-coaching.
Take care and let us know how you are doing. Please give seeing a psychologist some thought. I don't think you will be sorry for having done so.
I have had similar experiences with the ocd and the harming yourself or others. I too hear things in the news or see things in scary movies and they stick with me and I imagine doing them to myself or loved ones. Then I feel extreme guilt and sometimes panic about it. I to notice they kick in more when I am free in the summer and times of the year when I have less to distract myself with. I went to a psychiatrist and they will prescribe you medicine. Mine heard my story and then from then on I had to see him every couple Weeks and it was always just to continue the medicine. I took lexapto then celexa and the meds help with the worry and anxiety part, but honestly the intrusive thoughts didn't stop for me.I ask remembered and I still felt fear and guilt over them. I recently stopped taking medicine and I feel the same. So I can't say the medicine really helped. However I have done alot of research on ocd and found that reading about it and discussing it with others who have similar experiences had helped more. I understand that it is like a mind game. The more you let yourself think about it the more it will flood your mind. I try to think in the now and when I do get intrusive thoughts, instead of letting them scare me I dismiss them as ridiculous and know it is the ocd talking and it isn't a real thought. Just because you think it doesn't mean it is true. One thing my Dr stressed to me was that it is harmless, you will never actually do the things you fear our envision yourself doing. It is a daily battle and some days are better than others. Good luck and keep reading and talking about it with others. The more you know about it, the more you can confront instead of ocd ruining your life.
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