Do I have OCD or am I gay in denial?

[ocdsufferer0817]

Hi I'm a 14 year old girl and my mind keeps telling me I'm gay when I know I'm not. I've always dreamed of dating a boy in high school and I've always dreamed of being in a cute relationship with a boy and I've even fantasizes about sex with a boy before. I've always liked boys since I was like 3 and now my head is telling me that I'm gay? are these thoughts true or is this HOCD? I'm so tired and scared and I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I always ask myself if I've been living in a lie for my whole life and it scares me so much. I think these thoughts started when I was watching TV with my parents and they were watching something about this gay guy coming out and they're both homophobes so like they were talking crap about it and I was just sitting there and I started thinking "am I gay?" "what if that's me?" and it scared me so bad and I started getting the worst panic attacks and anxiety attacks because my head is trying to convince me I'm gay and I reay don't want to be. honestly id rather die than be gay. someone please help me I don't know what to do. I've reassured myself that I'm not gay many times before but now it's come to a peak and I can't seem to reassure myself and I'm so scared. please please help

[Johnruss3307]

Whether*

[Johnruss3307]

I think the thing that helped me the most with this form of OCD was telling myself "so what" I went to therapy and that's the thing your body goes into shock but if you tell yourself it's not that big a deal and iit helped me a lot. People are attractive weather it be male or female. "Thinking he's a good looking dude doesn't make you gay" that's normal life. Girls look at each other and compliment each other allll the time. It happens.

[bringmejoy]

hey, I don't like to disclose personal details online but you could message me via the inbox on this website if you would like?

[ocdsufferer0817]

thank you so much! do you think I can have your email so we can keep each other updated? I think that would benefit both of us. mine is ***@****

[bringmejoy]

Hey, I've been going through the exact same thing as you. If there's anything I've learned, it's that reassurance is not the answer. It only causes you to doubt further because the more certain of something you try to be, the more your brain thinks of a reason to make you uncertain. This will be hard at first, but next time your OCD tells you you're gay - just agree and say 'ok that's fine'. I know that sounds crazy and the exact opposite of what feels right, but the more you accept the thought, the less you fear it and the anxiety levels will eventually decrease. The point is to let your brain know that this thought doesn't actually mean anything and it doesn't need to be there. I'm still working on this, and don't worry - if you get to a point when you think this thought and don't have anxiety, that doesn't mean you've somehow accepted you're gay it just means that your mind is slowly coming to realise that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Keep in touch on this thread.