The other day I was at work, and noticed a woman, and I couldn’t help but notice I was staring. All of a sudden I had a horrible guilty feeling come over me, because I have a girlfriend who I love very much. I felt horrible. I thought to myself “does this mean I don’t love my girlfriend”. One thought lead to another, which snowballed, meaning my OCD took over as usual, and I am not left in this horrible situation.
I have very bad OCD, Depression, anxiety…the list can go on for a while.
The negative thoughts about my love for my girlfriend have been going on for about week now, and it’s turned into an emotional numbness. My head feels so overwhelmed, and I feel like I can’t think anymore. I can’t eat, sleep, or even think about her without feeling nauseous. I can’t shake these bad thoughts that have left me almost paralyzed.
My Psychiatrist told me today that my Paxil and OCD do this to me.
I feel empty on the inside, and its literally killing me. I don’t like waking up, or going to work. I won’t enjoy life unless I feel like I have my girlfriend back.
Can someone please reassure me that it will pass (again), and that it from OCD?
I was deeply in love one minute, and then like this another?
Some other information about me:
I am on Paxil, have sever panid disorder, social problems, OCD (clearly)
Half the battle is knowing you have OCD and you have that covered. How long have you been taking the Paxil and have you been at the same dosage for a while?
I found that certain triggers can really up the anxiety symptoms if I am on too little of a dose. For instance I was on 150 mg of Wellbutrin and doing fine until a trigger happened that I could not seem to get over and now I'm on 300 and doing well again.
So I think you should discuss this with your doctor. Maybe the medication dosage needs to be changed and/or perhaps a benzo could be added for you to take when times are particularly hard. Again, I am not a physician so these are things you would have to bring up with your doctor.
As you know, you WILL get over this. Replace all those negative thoughts with positive ones. For instance "I have loved my girlfriend for X number of years, nothing has changed." We both know having OCD is a lot of work but we have to do what we have to do to feel better. I'm pretty certain that your feelings have not changed...you are still in love just playing those old OCD mind games with yourself.
Sorry you are having a flare up. I have been there and it really stinks.
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