Exhausted with thoughts...

[sunflower14]

I basically have trouble being away from my house. Especially at work, because I will be gone all day long. I have two little dogs, and I worry constantly that something will happen to them. I doubt myself about everything...and I take medicine...I work on myself a whole lot with behavioral techniques, and some days are better than other....this whole brain disease has become to make me very sad, and I feel like crying a lot. I just wanted to be a part of a forum that I can read what other people experiences and maybe I won't feel so alone.

[JGF25]

Yes, the Xanax should help you in the short term but maybe you should revisit with your pdoc, if you can I know they cost a ton, your medication and see if a change is needed.  

As far as the checking, you have already figured out a very good strategey to get yourself out the door.  It is the same strategy I use.  I know all too well that feeling of shear panic in the car about "did I turn off the iron?"  It is the worst feeling in the world.  I do what you do, I say "the iron is off" and I remember that when I have that panic and then it goes away.  What you cannot do though is let yourself go back.  You turned it off, you said it is off, DON'T GO BACK!  You have to break the habit of repeatedly checking things.  

Keep your mind occupied as much as you can.  Read books, watch TV, anything to not have that idle mind where you have the chance to start making stuff up in your head.  Our minds of course are so completely powerful that it amazes me what it is capable of.  

Take care and post again if you need anything or are just having a bad day.  :)

[sunflower14]

Wow...thank you so much for your response....I take lexapro (40 mg per day), lamictal (200 mg per day) and my primary Dr. just gave me a very low dose of Xanax, which believe it or not really helps me to focus and takes what I can "the anxiety ball" out of my stomach. I am a "checker." I have to check and re-check everything I do before I leave in the mornings. One of my recent techniques is to actually say out loud things to reassure myself while unplugging or checking. That has helped over the past couple of days. If there is not something to worry about, I create something in my head, and I guess that this way of thinking has just become so familiar to me, that if I am not doubting myself, I am not comfortable. I don't know if that makes sense or not. I have a feeling my medication may need to be adjusted, just haven't gone to my psychiatrist yet due to the high co-pay. I do realize how important my mental health is, and will try and get in there soon. Thank you for being so kind. It is helping my day.

[JGF25]

Welcome to the OCD forum.  I hear what you are saying.  It is quite exhausing to be battling OCD every minute of every day.  Because it doesn't sound like you are getting much relief from either your medication or your CBT, it sounds like a bit of depression is setting in.  Who wouldn't be depressed with all this going on constantly.  

Let's tackle one thing at a time.  You mentioned medication.  What are you taking, what dose and for how long?  

Are you seeing a psychiatrist for the meds and a psychologist for the behavioral techniques?  

I ask these questions because I have been where you are.  I take medication and I use CBT when the occasional anxiety or panic attack comes along but for the most part I feel great.  My medication took me from a basket case in May to my regular self in about 5 weeks.  So I'm wondering if what you are taking is actually working for you either at the dose you are on or the medication in general.  

As for your dogs, how about crating them?  It is not inhumane to do so.  This way you will know that they are safely tucked away in their crates and cannot hurt themselves or get into things that may hurt them.  I had a dog that I crated and all I had to say was "nite-nite Sheba" and she would go right in.  It becomes a comfort area for them.  

The CBT is a wonderful tool.  Couple that with meditation, yoga or pilaties(sp) and it does help a lot.  Any exercise is good.  Take the dogs out for a nightly walk.  Also, it is better to stay away from caffeinated drinks.  Caffeine tends to make an already anxious person more anxious.  Taper off of it slowly though.

Lastly, do you like your job?  Is it somewhere you want to go when you wake up in the morning?  If it isn't, it could be part of the problem but of course jobs are scarce and we need to learn to like them whatever we are doing.  So that may be something to discuss with your therapist as well.  

So just hang in there.  I'll look for the answers to the multitude of questions I just threw at you and hopefully the people on the forum can help you to feel better.  

Take care!