Fear of being pregnant

Hello,

Ive suffered from very poor body image and low self esteem all my life, ive tried all manner of medication and counselling. Ive never yet been interested in having children. I met the man of my dreams a couple of years ago and we moved in together in the summer. He wants kids and Ive felt maternal for the first time in my life BUT, ive only just got a grip on my body image. I can at last look at myself now without feeling physically sick and i sometimes even feel attractive to my partner - theres no way on earth i want to give that up and go back to the daily torture of hating myself.

I feel at a loss because im terrified of having a family and losing what little confidence in my body its taken so long for me to obtain and Im convinced that after a baby my partner will find me as unattractive as i expect to feel and so leave me for someone younger. But Im also scared that if i dont give him a family that he'll find someone else who will.

Im getting no younger, and with early menopause in the family, im really feeling the pressure. i cant sleep at night, i feel permanently anxious and sick, i cant bear looking at pregnant women or hearing about them.  I just dont know what to do.