H-OCD?

[refuso]

Hi,

Firstly a little background. I'm a 21 year old male, I've had sexual relationships with 3 girls since the age of 18 (although not a lot so I'm not overly experienced). I am a Christian, which I know contradicts my sexual behaviors, and even more so as I explain my problem, and it's not something I am proud of but it's something I want to fix. I appear to have a high sexual drive, I haven't really ever had a long term relationship and I can count the amounts of times I've had sex on one hand.

I'm not completely sure where my high sex drive comes from, however I find myself masturbating quite often. I do seldom bring up porn on my laptop also. My problem is this: I am totally not attracted to men - I don't walk down the street thinking how hot some guy is, or how sexy they look. I'm just not mentally or physically attracted in that sense at all - I'm relatively certain I'm straight because of that. Lately though, whilst looking at porn or whatever I have wondered what it would be like to perform oral sex on a man - and the thought of it seemed to arouse me. In turn, since this clearly conflicts with my whole belief system, lifestyle and sexual preferences, I'm a little confused as to what's happening.

I initially thought I could be experiencing some sort of sexual identity crisis; however after some research I became familiar with the term H-OCD (Homosexual OCD). I understand the differences between H-OCD and being homosexual, however I'm unsure where I would stand simply because there's a clear contradiction going on here - that giving oral sex would apparently arouse me. That said though, I doubt I would nor could ever do it "in real life" - so I wonder if it's just an odd sexual fantasy I have - or whether I do have an issue where obtrusive unwanted (or not if they "turn me on") thoughts?

If someone could clarify this for me, give me advice or just further understanding of what I'm experiencing and what I should do about it, I'd be grateful. It's quite concerning since I don't want to be gay, I am not attracted to men and doing anything with a guy - other than oral sex apparently - just doesn't *work* for me - yet I'm experiencing this problem.

Thanks for your time reading, I look forward to your responses. I know that if it is H-OCD that it could lead to numerous other issues in my life, and so I want to resolve this as soon as possible.

-refuso

[anxiouslauz]

Hi!

I'm a 21 year old female and a few years ago I experienced the exact same things as you.  I thought a LOT about having sex with girls and i looked at lesbian porn occasionally.  I even (once) had a sexual experience with a girl.  

I suffer from OCD and thinking about it those thoughts could have been intrusive sexual thoughts.  I never really thought about it like that.  I think some people just fantasize about slightly more odd things than others and it's nothing more than a bit of curiosity.  I also think that it happens when u start having sexual experiences.  It's natural really!  I'm certain i'm not gay and I'm guessing you're not either.

Those feelings have more or less passed for me now and they will for you too I'm sure. Just look at porn a bit less maybe??  And don't feel guilty about your feelings- you're normal, i promise!  It's very common to feel like that, it's just a bit of a taboo subject I think!

Laura

[refuso]

Hey,

Thanks for your comment. I've been researching it a lot more, and I think one of the key points to arousal is the fact it's seen as a "forbidden" sexual act. Basically it would look as though the whole thing is a fantasy and nothing more. A lot of lesbians fantasise about having sex with a man, but they would never do it nor does it mean they want to - it's all about the "forbidden" act. What we can't have we most often want in some weird sense, and that can be arousing to think of but less arousing to actually perform. As it's against what I believe, and I'm simply not attracted by it; in a high state of arousal it can seemingly stimulate me more. It's odd how our minds work!

-refuso