HIV OCD

[ocdjohn86]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I had unprotected sex with, whom I consider to be, a high risk individual. I had 3rd gen blood tests done at 2, 4, 8 weeks and on the 84th day post exposure; all negative. This all happened last year, btw. I even remember the day it happened. February 9th, 2012. My last test was on May 3rd and I got the results on the 10th. After the tests, I was feeling a little better and had intercourse with this person again at the beginning of June, but protected this time. No condom breakage, used the whole time, etc. I had tried my best to put HIV out of my mind, but every few days or so, I would have such bad anxiety about the whole situation that I would scour the internet for constant reassurance that I wasn't infected. Obviously, it didn't really help. Here I am over a year later still having panic attacks and I've slipped into depression. I've been prescribed anxiety meds, blah blah. I haven't consulted a doctor about any of this, probably because I know I'll be laughed out of the office.
In my mind, I know that my tests are conclusive. I know that second encounter didn't put me at risk. I can tell myself these things. But, still I feel overwhelming anxiety. I'm still lurking on HIV support forums. It's taking its toll on my health. I'm constantly sick and worried. I can't hardly take it anymore.
I don't know what I'm expecting to get from posting this. I just don't have anyone else to talk to about it.

[ilikecomputers]

Sounds like you need anxiety meds. I too had HIV OCD earlier this year, and I didn't even have sex with anybody. LOL. Nothing would put me at ease, until I got on Zoloft 200mg and Klonopin, then my irrational obsessions about HIV melted away.

[JGF25]

Hello again.  So I don't know a whole lot about buspirone because I have never taken that particular medication.  I did do a Google search on it and it looks like it is a medication that should be taken every day.  It seems to be a medication that needs to build up in your system to be effective.  So I think you need to contact your NP and ask he/she about how this medication should be taken.  For example I take Wellbutrin XL and I need to take that everyday and it usually takes a medication like this 4 to 6 weeks to really build up to a steady state in your system where it is effective.  In short, if it is indeed supposed to be taken every day it will do nothing for you when taken on an as needed basis.  I'm wondering if this is why you have been suffering for so long.  Typically the "as needed" medication for anxiety are the benzos such as Klonopin or Xanax.  

[ocdjohn86]

Hi,
Yes, that's correct. The anxiety meds (Buspirone) were prescribed by my nurse practitioner. After taking my vitals, she noticed how high my BP and pulse were and that initiated a conversation about my anxiety. I told her about rushing to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack and after a normal EKG and blood work, they thought it was just a panic attack. She prescribed the meds and I take them when my anxiety gets out of control.

[JGF25]

Hi there.  So it has been a year since the last protected sex with this person and you have received your last negative result 84 days post sex?  Who prescribed you the anxiety meds, what are they and are you actually taking them?