HOCD Or total closet case of being bi?

i knew it, i knew i made myself believe i had HOCD but in reality i'm bi. It was all to good to believe. I never have had a crush on a girl before (i am a girl), but in the future i know i will. Why? because i'm cursed with being bi. i will tell you what goes on in my mind and you most probably tell me this isn't HOCD, but i will give it a shot anyway.

It all started when the guy i was obsessed with, the guy i thought about 24/7 friend told him that i was really good in bed. (His friend made all this up by the way) he said i was amazing in sex because i have had experiance with both female and male. I told him that thats not possible because im not bi. Then my mind went WOAH am i bi? am i lesbian? i examined myself and thought no way im not bi and i kept checking and checking and it always was no. These worries went away within a month. Then about a month after all my worries went away they suddenly came back when i had fallen for a different guy and he liked my back. After awhile he got really protective and asked for me to come to his summer house. I told him that we are just teenagers and that there is no need to get this serious so fast. He told me i was lesbian since i wouldn't come with him. My mind freaked, the worse it has gotten ever. i couldnt go in public for fear that i might be attracted to girls.

I checked and checked and the answers turned from no to i dont know. Then yesterday my answer became yes i bet i would like it. I FREAKED i came out to my friends that i was bi. They were so confused because i was so into the guys that it didnt make sence. I told them i turned bi a few weeks ago. They dont believe me, but whatever.

I went to my friends house last night and i could barely talk to her. I couldn't talk to her because i was in panick mode because i thought she was pretty.

What do you think?

[LivingwithOCD07]

I think you are just making yourself believe that you are bi when in reality your not. It may have something to do with ocd, and being bi is like a trend to people to make them seem more interesting to other "adolescents".

[polop86]

Whatever you are there is nothing wrong with that, but I know the horrible debilitating feeling you get when you think you are attracted to your friend, you need to ask yourself whether or not you fancy her or you are just being paranoid, your mind can play tricks on you, but then again you may be attracted to her only you can know this. It is difficult not to stress over it, and panic attacks will come and go, you sound like a sensitive person so you could be suggestible I don't know, but it does sound like OCD. You need to seek help and talk about it, maybe with your best friend or an outsider.

[INeedACure555]

I am seeking help currently, but i haven't seen her for awhile since she is currently on vacation. I have a feeling that is why it got so bad yesterday since i have not heard from my councilor. I also have many other symptoms of OCD. This feeling i get when i see a pretty girl is overwhelming and i want to erase my mind i want the worries to go away, but they don't.

[polop86]

I have a lot of sympathy for you, I have a very similar problem, it is easy to distinguish an attractive girl or boy, but then how do you know if you are actually attracted to them or not? I remember back at school, that in our class a group of guys thought it would be a good idea to try and guess who would turn out gay in the class and guess what? they picked me and another guy. I was only in my early teens so this affected me pretty badly, and it wasn't that I was gay it was just that I was very shy. Experimentation may be the answer but then again it may not, it could make you feel worse about it, what has your councilor said to you? If and when I get those kind of thoughts and worries, I just tell myself "I don't know the answer to that," so I don't fight against it, and let the thoughts flow, if I don't panic I find that they are not exacerbated and I feel a little better. I'm sure you must have good days and bad days, the way I have tried to cope with it is in a proactive way, like a change of diet, exercising more, whatever you do try not to let yourself be isolated because your thoughts will get worse and worse until they become suicidal. This is one of the main reasons I gave up drugs. With so much pressure from different people it is no wonder you are confused, you just need to realise that in the end everything will turn out as it should and you will be happy with yourself, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, remember not to stop doing the things that you love doing, don't let it take over your life! :-)

[INeedACure555]

Could you please answer a question i have? I was on facebook and one of my friends posted a picture of herself with her chest exposed and i got a groin spike. I HAD A MASSIVE FREAK OUT. when i think out the picture i just saw i get another groin spike. 10 min later i think what was i thinking my mind played tricks on me. Then i wondered was it really a trick? Whats your opinion on my situation? BTW the whole i like my friend thing went away very quickly because i realized i really didnt like her its just she is my friend and she is very close to me.

[milanfc10]

yo you have Hocd...... your not gay /bi.
its a form of OCD that grabs a hold of homosexuality as a topic because it is a very hard topic for most.....

also: polop86.... you are pissin me off dude. You think you could be gay cause your mates said you were most likely to end up gay?? you gotta grow a pair and look at the truth man... and no expiremantation is not the answer. it will only fuel your OCD.  your not gay either..... im gunna break it down real quick.

GAY PEOPLE: they know they are gay from an early age. 2). their sexual fantasies are with members of the same sex.(and please understand that these fantasies are different from the intrusive thoughts that Hocd sufferers have. Its pleasent to them). 3). Gay people dont worry over the fact if their gay or not... ..

Read Wikipedia article on Sexual obsessions and OCd. it will explain everything.  

[kls2228]

You're straight... sounds like a form of obsession compulsion disorder called HOCD.  Many people have it.

[INeedACure555]

thank you guys soo much.

[hmf099]

You're not bi. I am bi and never thought of it as a "curse".

[Ishyla]

Hey, I"m a girl too and I'm going throught the exact same situation!!!
Even the massive spike part when you saw that picture. For me it was this scene on television. I hate how it's hard to face your friends with a fear that you might like them or somthing..so annoying. ok, i'm pretty sure you're not bi, since you've never actually liked a girl. And if you truly were bi, you wouldn't think of it as a curse!
(: hang in there

[booocd]

I have been through something similar recently.  I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years, broke up with him, then dated a guy for 6 years.  I recently ended things with him and I miss him everyday.  I have realized (I'm 24) that I have never been without a guy to depend on.  As a result, I am trying to figure out who I am as an individual.  I'm trying to find someone to depend on... but, the reality is... I should depend on ME.  The fear that something may be "wrong with me" (when I actually think being gay is perfectly fine, just not for me) because I walked away from someone I loved... that eats away at me sometimes.  It was NEVER an issue, then when I ended things with my ex my mom said "you're confused."  I freaked... confused about what?!  What she meant was whether I wanted to be with him or not.  He was ready to fully commit and in my head, I wasn't sure he was the one and I wasn't ready for marriage.  After years of hurt and giving him WAY more attention than I received, I realized he wasn't the one.  It's HOCD.  I have been through this before, I see a counselor for OCD, and I can assure you that the way you are feeling is normal.  Don't let the OCD scare you.  I have learned to view this as simple as this:  OCD is the problem, being gay is not the problem.  I have thought before that I was pregnant without having sex, or that my boyfriend was gay because at his frat house they had a community shower.  I LONG for a boyfriend.  A husband.  Sex.  Kids.  A house with a white picket fence.... I FEAR being gay, being pregnant before I am married, never finding a guy and ending up alone.  It's irrational.  Relax and don't let your mind fool you.  You are stronger than this.