HOCD? Straight woman anxiety over looking at female colleague's cleavage

[jenny9977]

Hey ya'll

I remembered a time when a random thought entered my mind to look at a female colleagues cleavage sexually (I'm a straight woman) and when I did that with that intention, I felt nothing. It happened once and that was it. Then out of now where a doubtful thought entered my mind that made me question whether I checked out the woman sexually more than once and then it led to "maybe you liked her and are sexually and romantically attracted to her" and then it led to more doubts. However, I can only remember checking her out that one time and no other times. I don't recall fantasizing about her in any real way or having any butterfly in my stomach feelings for her. Now I cant trust my brain and so wanted to ask if anyone can help me by helping me understand how I would know if i was romantically and/or sexually attracted to someone. I am a virgin with a low desire for any form of intimacy or relationships so don't have much experience in this area  so any help will help me understand myself better.

I know I'm not attracted to her right now but my mind is making me question the past and if I ever was.

Any help would really help me feel less alone in all of this.p.s I have nothing but peace towards the lgbtq community, my problems is my mind and definitely not any hidden phobia or shame.

[Erny1990]

You sound like a straight women. Nothing in what you said sounds like same sex attraction. Women are famous for being straight and checking out other women. Even if it sounds very gay, it isn't. Women are more mature about letting their opinions about other women's looks and physique despite being straight. I am a man and I am straight and wish other guys were more open like that for the sake of not being called gay every second lol

[jenny9977]

Thanks for your reply Erny. My problem is that whilst I know I am straight my mind sometimes makes me doubt things and for that reason a clear definition of what sexual/romantic feelings should feel like will help me combat the doubts as I have as explained never real felt these feelings before. Could you provide a clear definition of what sexual/romantic attraction is and what i feels like? It'd really help me out.