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HOCD!! Terrified!!

My psychologist tells me that I have OCD along with my family doctor. I've always imagined being with a man and all of the sudden received these thoughts, you're gay! My psychologist says you can't  just "change". But my bf has brought stuff up where women were married had kids then divorced and turned lesbian, and said he thinks people can change. That makes it even more terrifying and scares the hell out of me. I just don't want to be gay at all and none of these feelings and arousals are satisfying I hate them! Does that sound like HOCD? Im just terrified I'm just in denial and that makes me sick to. I don't even want to be bi! I've always been with men, and having a bf now even makes it worse. I'm scared. I'm not just scared of turning gay I'm also scared what other people I know would think about these thoughts. Makes me sick. My bf I'm with now before all this started I had marriage and babies planned. I don't want that to change, I want him! I've never actually questioned this before. I talked to a girl one time so I'd get attention to a boy, but we never even met, and she was ugly, and it was to get a boy to notice me and thinking about that makes me sick to! Even though I know what it was. It's ruining my life! I also act for a living so I'm around homosexuality a lot and maybe that's why this started. I don't know. My life just feels like it's over and I'll never get out of this. Even with reassurance I only feel confident for a bit then BAM! If a pretty women comes on the tv I just look away because I don't want to deal with it. This is awful!! I just want to be happy again with my bf like at the beginning. This is so scary. :( I hate these thoughts. I'm scared to let the thoughts happen and wash over me because I'm scared it's going to reveal I'm gay. God I'm mess. I pray to god this is just HOCD. Moment I get clarity and feel normal and my straight self, but more often I feel sick and disgusted with these gay thoughts. Help.
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Avatar universal
But if I take the fear out of the thought doesn't that make me gay?? I don't want to be :( I want to just be happy with my bf now and get married. But I had rocd to so I even questioned that. This all makes me sick! I don't want to lose him because of this :)
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1699033 tn?1514113133
Hi there and sorry for the delay.  Are you currently seeing your psychologist?  Did you learn Cognitive behavioral therapy?  I'm not a psychologist but rather an OCD sufferer.  You name it, I have thought it to the moon and back.  I even had the thought "I'm Gay" and I was married at the time.  It is a very, very common thought.  People with OCD want to control everything in their lives and so when that thought pops into our head we latch on to it because it illicits a fear response.  Once you learn how to take the fear out of the thought, it will go away.  That is what you need to learn.  
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Avatar universal
I am going through this same thing. I am a 15 year old female and I have a boyfriend that I love and have been with for more than a year. I know how you feel! I have heard that the best thing is exposure
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Please I need a response! I'm scared
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