HOCD is taking control of my life.

[robson771]

All my life I've had fears that caused anxiety attacks. When I was young, I had fears about dying, or of being possesed by the devil. I learned to control my life after a while and it never got bother me again until a week before I was going to come from college and I thought that I was being possed by the devil. I had some medications for a ocuple of days and everything went away after a while. When I came to college I realized that I wasnt having much of a sexual life, due to the fact that I was in love with a girl back home. Ive always been into girls, but after my last break up there are times when I just dont want to think about girls. Then I felt that I lost my ability to be with girls. Then I realized that i was very metrosexual. Then I realized that a gay guy was cheking me out. This made me feel disgusting adn gay. Then i felt that everything I did meant that I was gay.  Then I came up with the idea that I might be gay. This went on and off for a bit, but than I got back into girls and everything went back to normal. I love spending my time with my buddies,and prefered to spend time with them just hanging out and laughing most of the time, than making out with a girl, but sometimes I come to the conclusion that this is becuase I am gay. Sometimes I do like spending time with girls but only sexually. After a while I saw that I was rejecting girls and started to be piky on most of the girls I analyzed. I thought this was a gay thing to do. I read about HOCD and most of the symptomes applied to my lifestyle, adn it made me alot more calm. But my anxiety attacks came back after a week when I thought to myself that maybey I was just in denial and that I am using the HOCD as an aexcuse. Masturbating in a daily routine would calm me down, also i qould be obssed about learning if I am gay or not, and I started to make gay tests and such. I appeard that I was gay and I freaked out. I also tried watching gay porn  right after I saw normal pornagraphy and I was aroused by it, adn this made me freak out even more. I cant even go out because I tend to see a hot girl and think to myself that I cant liek her because I am gay. Then, every guy I try picturing him and doing sexual acts and if i get aroused or anxious I freak out. I just wanted to know if I am gay or if I have HOCD? Please help!!

[AHawkins]

Dont double post!

[robson771]

This is isnt a double post. I just wanted to tell you my experience. WHen I found out about HOCD I became alot more calm, but i had doubts wether that was my mind accepting that I was gay. I tried cheking it out for my self and decided to watch the gay porno and I felt aroused but I felt disgusted of this feeling. I have been freaking out since then and now i cant seem to get images of men having sexual intercourse and it freaks me out but it arouses me at the same time. I used to love women but now I dont. Just tell me if HOCD can cause men to have arousements on something that they seem to be seen as wrong?

Please help!!

[AHawkins]

Everyone reacts differently to HOCD. Im willing to bet that yours is causing these thoughts but then again its hard to diagnose over the web. Go see a professional and tell him exactly what is going on.

[fnslayer_1]

Okay im 20 and one day these thoughts just popped up it has been eating me a live I was nearly suicidal at one point because I was scared of being gay I have never found another man attractive or had any desire  to sleep with one, I went nuts completely Crazy and I was looking online and I came a across this article saying im gay your not and I read it very carefuly and then I realize whoa I have almpst all of these symptons of this then I learned more about ocd then I realized that I was always full of unrealistic Fears andI would have raging thought go threw my I would get suspicious of everything