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HOCD!
Im a very straight male. Ive always found woman so sexually attractive(still do) but for some reason the last few days Ive been suffering from a fear of being gay..at first I thought I was questioning my sexuallity and was worrried about that so I googled fear of being gay..HOCD popped up I read into it and noticed ever single thing was what I was going threw..I dont wanna be gay I thought yesterday could I ever see myself with a man sexually or even in a relationship and it turns my stomach cause i know I dont want that..But for some reason the images keep popping up..I tried watching gay porn to see if maybe it would turn me on...I gagged and almost threw up...Ive never once thought gay thoughts I have slept next to guy friends on vacations never once thought about feelings that might be there..but for some reason I have a fear of what if im gay..I think it steams back from going to a gay club with the girl im talking to and the next day telling my dad about it and he was like I dont know what I would do if you ever turned gay(I think that put the image in my mind like what if) Ive had alot of sex with woman in my day and I use to be a player..Im trying to stop my player ways and decided to save it for marriage with my very christian girl..I think maybe the no sex thing is making me question it..its been 8 months without anything but kissing..I just feel lost cause I know in my heart..Im not gay... Its to the point now where if I kiss the girl im with my mind tells me its a guy..and I just get turned off by it..I think I need help but with no insurrance or anything its hard..what would be your best advice..do you think its HOCD or am I gay..(Even saying that sounds wrong).. I question things that happened in the past like when I was younger I experimented with a boy and girl that lived next door..but tahts before I even knew what gay was or what any of it was..I know im 22 yrs old and wanna live to the fullest but here of late ive been depressed and not me..please help anyone tahnks again.
I have hocd as well. One thing that helps me that you should know is, if it is a fear, then it is ocd/hocd. THIS IS A FEAR. IT IS NOT REAL. Try your best to go without "checking," checking actually worsens ocd/hocd. If you were really gay you would be afraid of people not liking you for it, not worried about being gay in itself.
Hi there I am a 26 yr old female I believe I have hocd, I feel exactly the same as you! Please google los angelis centre for OCD there is a very helpful long article on hocd causes and subtypes of it! My problem is now the fact that if I look at a girl and think she's pretty my head will start encouraging me to be sexually attracted to her to the point that I don't know what attractions are real or not.... I try watching lesbian porn..... That is so boring.... Straight porn I love but I'm getting sick of watching it for reassurance..... And I've lost my mojo..... I look at guys and feel nothing accept when I feel good and even then a voice pops into my head demanding I stop finding a guy attractive because I'm a lesbian...... What helped me a lot was watching (NOT READING - reading lets my imagination run wild, but that's just me it could help you) on YouTube coming out videos.... At first you freak out because u empathise with their feelings of isolation (OCD is very icolating) and u feel slight comfort that someone is going through the same thing you are(after all when you spike badly you convince yourself you're gay don't you?) and you freak out because u felt comforted, then you freak out about all those feelings put together.... THEN once you try to accept them whilst watching these videos you realize that you have made NO PROGRESS in accepting a new sexuality and actually you ARE NOT inspired to come out and THIS IS NOT ME, I HAVE NO GROUND BREAKING REALSIATION THAT IM GAY.... I JUST FEAR BEING GAY THAT'S ALL!!! I know that it's a scary thing to face but if u give yourself an hour and continueously watch them it's called "exposure response prevention" apparently the most effective treatment. I personally spoke to a hocd therapist from LA and he told me this. I personally dont have a problem being a lesbian sometimes I wish I was so the anxiety would leave me alone but the problem is I'm not a lesbian I'm straight.... It goes against the core of our being and that's why we panic and check and question!
Sorry I'm doing all this on my phone and auto correct is messing with spelling
I just re read and seen you all ready told me..thank you..I'm trying to come to grips that its just the pcs and I'm not gay...I've had ice problems in the past but beat them( hiv, stds,germs) this one will be harder cause I know I can't get those things without sexual or drug contact this will be the mental battle..
Thanks for your quick response..I have noticed myself feeling weird around guys now..so you don't think I'm gay? Cause I think hearing someone say that is what I need.. what type of doctor should I seek? And I'm shocked with how many people go threw this..its comforting to know I'm not alone..thanks again.
When you made the comment "I thought yesterday could I ever see myself with a man sexually or even in a relationship and it turns my stomach." This speaks volumes. You are suffering from HOCD. A type of "exposure" therapy is to picture yourself doing or acting out the irrational thought and if it turns your stomach than you know it is not you and that it is not something you would ever want to do.
The majority of gay men knew they were gay as far back as elementary school. In my opinion it is genetic. That is not to say that an abusive relationship might drive someone to seek the same sex for comfort but I think you have to have that tendency beforehand anyway. Just my personal opinion here so anybody reading this, don't jump down my throat about it. You don't have to agree with me.
What you don't want to do is constantly try to assure yourself that it is HOCD by looking at gay porn or staring at a guy to see if something comes into your mind. Believe me, something will come into your mind just becaues you don't want it to. So you need to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. "Whatever, I'm in love with my girlfriend and guys do nothing for me." The more you fight the irrational thought, the longer it is going to stay around. You will be trying to prove or disprove it until it drives you crazy.
You need to treat the OCD. It causes anxiety and that anxiety leads to depression. So seek out a therapist to teach you CBT or a psychiatrist if you want to pursue the medication avenue. Personally, I think you should give the cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychologist a try first.
Good luck and post again if you need anything else.
The majority of gay men knew they were gay as far back as elementary school. In my opinion it is genetic. That is not to say that an abusive relationship might drive someone to seek the same sex for comfort but I think you have to have that tendency beforehand anyway. Just my personal opinion here so anybody reading this, don't jump down my throat about it. You don't have to agree with me.
What you don't want to do is constantly try to assure yourself that it is HOCD by looking at gay porn or staring at a guy to see if something comes into your mind. Believe me, something will come into your mind just becaues you don't want it to. So you need to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. "Whatever, I'm in love with my girlfriend and guys do nothing for me." The more you fight the irrational thought, the longer it is going to stay around. You will be trying to prove or disprove it until it drives you crazy.
You need to treat the OCD. It causes anxiety and that anxiety leads to depression. So seek out a therapist to teach you CBT or a psychiatrist if you want to pursue the medication avenue. Personally, I think you should give the cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychologist a try first.
Good luck and post again if you need anything else.
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