HOCD

[MrFoo]

Well I hope I am in the right place, I really need help and advice.

I am a 27yr old male.

I am questioning my sexuality, for the 2nd time in my life.

I am in a relationship with a girl who I have been with for 5 yrs, and everything was fine between us until this hit me.

I am obsessed that I am gay, a few times in my life I have *******ated to gay porn, and had gay fantasys but it stopped there. They were just fantasys I never would have acted on them or thought seriously about them.

When I was young I had no gay desires, I did not fancy my male friends or feel sexually attracted to them. I had loads of crushes on girls, I *******ated to lesbian porn (a lot) when I was younger as it always without fail got me off.

I have had two sexual relationships with girls in my life, both of which I had no trouble getting it up or anything.

The girl I am with now I love to death and I do (or used too) find her incredibly attractive and sexy. But recently I cant make love to her because I think I am gay. I never went around on the street activly looking at guys thinking they were attractive, I was always by my own natural instincts checking out women.

I have been drunk on loads of occasions and not once did I feel compelled to get with a guy or try it out. I had a male friend who is gay, I was never interested in his life style or what he got up too. He used to go into graphical detail aswell and it never turned me on.

I had a similar worry four years ago lasted some weeks but I managed (god knows how I did it) to get rid of it and I was back to my normal self.

But this bout of aniexty or worry is lasting longer and is more powerful, as I am no longer getting aroused by women or lesbo porn or my gf (well I have experimented with porn and it takes me now ages to getit up, sorry about the graphic nature). And whenever I think of men and gay porn I get that 'tingling' sensation on my penis like its going to become erect.

I can't understand have I just become gay? overnight?, me and my gf were trying for a baby recently I had no probs with the sex and I was enjoying it very much, but one day she was giving me oral and an image of a man giving me oral popped into my head and I ejaculated. I was freaked out, bearing in mind its the only time I had a sexual gay fantasy while with my girlfriend.

So I am at a loss and confused terribly, I love my gf dearly I would love anything to have a great sex life again like before this happend, but I feel its impossible for me to get aroused now due to the stress of this worrying.

So am I HOCD or really gay, what do you people think?

I have nothing against homosexuals nor do I have any interest to go and find a man to be with, I love my girlfiend too much, but this stress is unbearable so much to the point I now keep sobbing at work in the male toilets.

I also now am trying not to look at guys or gay porn incase I find it attractive, where as about month ago I was not interested in the slightest.

Thanks for taking the time to read this long post.

[sgwan]

you are not man!  gays have made up their mind to be gay and do gay things.  yes, it may seem real, there may be disieres that come into your mind that were never their beforee, but they are not real, ocd plays tricks.  my advise. stay away from any porn of any kind. focouse on somthin else. you are not gay.

and to help more, learn to hate gays, not the person, but the action. have somthing against it, hate it like people would have back in the day when it wasnt somthing excepted in society.

you going to be ok man, just keep fighting!

[swat09]

Personally dude, I dont think you are gay. I have had the same issues, albeit not as intense as yours. I constantly worry that when I look at a guy in the face that I will want to make out with him, although I really don't. I think your symptoms are so intense because your OCD realizes that it really has to f*** with you big time to freak you out because of your happy relationship. Honestly, when I have my OCD speak to me it doesnt feel like I am saying it. It feels like a voice is saying that that doesn't belong to me. It kills my self-confidence and really hurts me when trying to find a gf. (I just started college and dont see many of the girls that I was more confident around in high school, so this really *****) Whenever I see a cute girl my OCD tells me, "Don't bother with her, you're gay." Or, "You're just going to blow it, don't even try." (That stems from another OCD worry that I have which is best saved for another forum.) I don't want to see a psychiatrist because I have heard of them diagnosing it as internalized Homophobia, which would just give me a massive spike. On that note, I have a gay uncle and he's cool, it's not like I hate gays, gay sex doesn't even bother me that much, but the lifestyle isn't for me. So I'm just hoping I can learn to control this and shrug off my OCD's torture of my mind. Best of luck to you. I hope you and your gf can live a happy life together, especially if you are truly in love like you say.

[gary362]

I too have masturbated over gay porn and gay fantasies yet never been attracted to guys yet i obsess over it but when think about it i know that its not me and its not rite and like i have small panic attacks which i just breatyhe heavily i do not want to be gay i obsess about what if i am any thoughts would be nice i would never act onb those thoghts and have stopped masturbating to gay fantasies and gay porn just lesbian but i want to stop overall these thoughts depress me and do not make me happy even when the gay fantasies do arouse me and i masturbate to them i feel guilty and feel suicidal now if i was gay i would accept it and be happy for who i am but i know i am not i am in a relationship with a girl and i love her yet cannnot seem to get rid of these intrusive thoughts please someone help

[gary362]

Also i have thoughts about if something in my house electrical is not turned off the place will catch fire and we will all burn to death and also like when i am angry at my mother father sister or brother i have these thoguths of beating them too death i have also other obsessions such as if i don't wash my hands afte i have masturbated and touch something and  a woman touches it then she will become pregnant please help

[gary362]

I too have masturbated over gay porn and gay fantasies yet never been attracted to guys yet i obsess over it but when think about it i know that its not me and its not rite and like i have small panic attacks which i just breathe heavily i do not want to be gay i obsess about what if i am any thoughts would be nice i would never act on those thoughts and have stopped masturbating to gay fantasies and gay porn just lesbian but i want to stop overall these thoughts depress me and do not make me happy even when the gay fantasies do arouse me and i masturbate to them i feel guilty and feel suicidal now if i was gay i would accept it and be happy for who i am but i know i am not i am in a relationship with a girl and i love her yet cannnot seem to get rid of these intrusive thoughts please someone help

[Mike165]

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