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HOCD

Well I hope I am in the right place, I really need help and advice.

I am a 27yr old male.

I am questioning my sexuality, for the 2nd time in my life.

I am in a relationship with a girl who I have been with for 5 yrs, and everything was fine between us until this hit me.

I am obsessed that I am gay, a few times in my life I have *******ated to gay porn, and had gay fantasys but it stopped there. They were just fantasys I never would have acted on them or thought seriously about them.

When I was young I had no gay desires, I did not fancy my male friends or feel sexually attracted to them. I had loads of crushes on girls, I *******ated to lesbian porn (a lot) when I was younger as it always without fail got me off.

I have had two sexual relationships with girls in my life, both of which I had no trouble getting it up or anything.

The girl I am with now I love to death and I do (or used too) find her incredibly attractive and sexy. But recently I cant make love to her because I think I am gay. I never went around on the street activly looking at guys thinking they were attractive, I was always by my own natural instincts checking out women.

I have been drunk on loads of occasions and not once did I feel compelled to get with a guy or try it out. I had a male friend who is gay, I was never interested in his life style or what he got up too. He used to go into graphical detail aswell and it never turned me on.

I had a similar worry four years ago lasted some weeks but I managed (god knows how I did it) to get rid of it and I was back to my normal self.

But this bout of aniexty or worry is lasting longer and is more powerful, as I am no longer getting aroused by women or lesbo porn or my gf (well I have experimented with porn and it takes me now ages to getit up, sorry about the graphic nature). And whenever I think of men and gay porn I get that 'tingling' sensation on my penis like its going to become erect.

I can't understand have I just become gay? overnight?, me and my gf were trying for a baby recently I had no probs with the sex and I was enjoying it very much, but one day she was giving me oral and an image of a man giving me oral popped into my head and I ejaculated. I was freaked out, bearing in mind its the only time I had a sexual gay fantasy while with my girlfriend.

So I am at a loss and confused terribly, I love my gf dearly I would love anything to have a great sex life again like before this happend, but I feel its impossible for me to get aroused now due to the stress of this worrying.

So am I HOCD or really gay, what do you people think?

I have nothing against homosexuals nor do I have any interest to go and find a man to be with, I love my girlfiend too much, but this stress is unbearable so much to the point I now keep sobbing at work in the male toilets.

I also now am trying not to look at guys or gay porn incase I find it attractive, where as about month ago I was not interested in the slightest.

Thanks for taking the time to read this long post.
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16 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
you are not man!  gays have made up their mind to be gay and do gay things.  yes, it may seem real, there may be disieres that come into your mind that were never their beforee, but they are not real, ocd plays tricks.  my advise. stay away from any porn of any kind. focouse on somthin else. you are not gay.

and to help more, learn to hate gays, not the person, but the action. have somthing against it, hate it like people would have back in the day when it wasnt somthing excepted in society.

you going to be ok man, just keep fighting!
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Avatar_n_tn
Personally dude, I dont think you are gay. I have had the same issues, albeit not as intense as yours. I constantly worry that when I look at a guy in the face that I will want to make out with him, although I really don't. I think your symptoms are so intense because your OCD realizes that it really has to f*** with you big time to freak you out because of your happy relationship. Honestly, when I have my OCD speak to me it doesnt feel like I am saying it. It feels like a voice is saying that that doesn't belong to me. It kills my self-confidence and really hurts me when trying to find a gf. (I just started college and dont see many of the girls that I was more confident around in high school, so this really *****) Whenever I see a cute girl my OCD tells me, "Don't bother with her, you're gay." Or, "You're just going to blow it, don't even try." (That stems from another OCD worry that I have which is best saved for another forum.) I don't want to see a psychiatrist because I have heard of them diagnosing it as internalized Homophobia, which would just give me a massive spike. On that note, I have a gay uncle and he's cool, it's not like I hate gays, gay sex doesn't even bother me that much, but the lifestyle isn't for me. So I'm just hoping I can learn to control this and shrug off my OCD's torture of my mind. Best of luck to you. I hope you and your gf can live a happy life together, especially if you are truly in love like you say.
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Avatar_n_tn
I too have masturbated over gay porn and gay fantasies yet never been attracted to guys yet i obsess over it but when think about it i know that its not me and its not rite and like i have small panic attacks which i just breatyhe heavily i do not want to be gay i obsess about what if i am any thoughts would be nice i would never act onb those thoghts and have stopped masturbating to gay fantasies and gay porn just lesbian but i want to stop overall these thoughts depress me and do not make me happy even when the gay fantasies do arouse me and i masturbate to them i feel guilty and feel suicidal now if i was gay i would accept it and be happy for who i am but i know i am not i am in a relationship with a girl and i love her yet cannnot seem to get rid of these intrusive thoughts please someone help
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Avatar_n_tn
Also i have thoughts about if something in my house electrical is not turned off the place will catch fire and we will all burn to death and also like when i am angry at my mother father sister or brother i have these thoguths of beating them too death i have also other obsessions such as if i don't wash my hands afte i have masturbated and touch something and  a woman touches it then she will become pregnant please help
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Avatar_n_tn
I too have masturbated over gay porn and gay fantasies yet never been attracted to guys yet i obsess over it but when think about it i know that its not me and its not rite and like i have small panic attacks which i just breathe heavily i do not want to be gay i obsess about what if i am any thoughts would be nice i would never act on those thoughts and have stopped masturbating to gay fantasies and gay porn just lesbian but i want to stop overall these thoughts depress me and do not make me happy even when the gay fantasies do arouse me and i masturbate to them i feel guilty and feel suicidal now if i was gay i would accept it and be happy for who i am but i know i am not i am in a relationship with a girl and i love her yet cannnot seem to get rid of these intrusive thoughts please someone help
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Avatar_m_tn
GUYS GUYS FOR ALL OF YOU OCDS OUT THERE THERES A REAL GOOD WEBSITE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH GUIDELINES HOW TO BEAT THIS DEVIL
PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY THIS IS THE BEST THERAPY THERE IS
http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php

JUST FOLLOW THIS LINK

http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php
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Avatar_m_tn
Guys I'm in the same boat, the same exact thing happened to me.  It happened to me first when I was younger, someone called me gay and I was filled with anxiety and fear that I actually was gay.  I've been attracted to women my entire life, and had never had any homosexual thoughts.  I mean I used to get erections just from hugging pretty girls.  The first time I was able to shrug it off, but a few months ago a girl who I didn't even know called me gay and again I was filled with anxiety and fear that I was actually gay.  It's definitely ocd/hocd buts it so hard to shrug off.  It keeps coming back each day its very frustrating.  I think the reason it came back with me is because I've had some frustrating sex with women; I suffer from premature ejaculation so I always felt like I wasn't pleasing my women even though thats all I wanted to do was please her.  But HOCD ***** because I started to anaylze everything, I mean every relashonship, every sexual encounter, every innocent thing from my childhood, it was hell.  I've calmed down since then I still think I'm gonna go see a doctor soon.  I really think I just have ocd and my mind is picking me apart and just analyzing everything.  Honestly robson711 I've felt exactly the same way you do...just checking my every movement if it was gay or not, I even looked at gay porn to see if I could get aroused(I couldn't).  I'm pretty sure I just have ocd because my mind used to do this to me when I was younger, I once worried I was fat when I was younger(I was very skinny) and I used to get panic attacks all the time about random ****.  Its frustrating I know but I also have a good feeling this will pass like all the other stuff did.  Seriously your definitely straight its just irrational fear and dread definitely ocd.  Its actually kind of funny how our minds **** with us.  But when I calm down I know I'm straight from the mere fact that I love holding a women in my arms and I love cuddling with them and being close to them.  But HOCD just preys on all our weaknesses.  Like my mind would look back at all my relashonships and tell me I never felt anything (sexual or emotional) for women, but I know I definitely did.  I remember losing so much sleep over it that I just dreaded going to bed each night because i knew my mind was gonna go nuts.  But thats ocd for you its all irrational fear, the actual topic that your mind picks is pretty random, for us its homosexuality for others its dying or being fat or whatever.  Even though hocd feels so real I don't think it is, I'm gonna overcome it and still have a good life.  It is difficult to be around women when all this happening too; there is this one girl I have a big crush on....some days I don't have that ******* voice in my head and I really love being around her, other days I can barely talk to her because my head is so ****** up.  God it ***** but I just gotta have some hope, it feels good to get this out and know there are others going through the same ********.  http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php...this article really helped me put it into perspective he was saying that if you were gay you'd love your gay identity or whatever and you'd feel deep down good about it not disturbed by it...I've had maybe one or two homosexual dreams and they were very disutrbing to me but every other night I dream about women so deep down I know I'm good.  It ***** just hang in there I'm gonna do the same I'm gonna see a doc and hopefully get my life back on track
peace
bob
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Avatar_m_tn
btw I'm a 19yr old male, sorry about the long post I was just getting it all out
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Avatar_m_tn
From sgwam:  "learn to hate gays, not the person, but the action. have somthing against it, hate it like people would have back in the day when it wasnt somthing excepted in society"

This is plain old offensive -- and antisocial.  It also promotes being "afraid" of being gay, which is a big part of MrFoo's OCD.  I would guess that if being afraid of being gay went away, the whole OCD dynamic associated with it would also go away for lack of fuel.

It's not uncommon for straight guys to have gay fantasies, and compulsions.  This isn't a cure for OCD, but if you stop considering being gay as something bad or awful or something to fear (which of course it isn't), this particular flavor of OCD may go away.

I had (past tense, definitely) OCD when I was younger.  Exposure therapy helped a lot.  But what helped even more was just large improvements to my general quality of life.  When my life got better, and I was generally much happier in daily life, my OCD gradually went away, completely, on its own.  I don't how much this phenomenon might apply to other people, but reducing stresses, and improving your circumstances in life, independent of OCD matters, is worth trying!!
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Avatar_m_tn
You experienced what everyone else experienced growing up, sexual discovery trying out different things even for a one time occasion. Would you find it so hard to believe that men that are homosexual had intercourse with women at first only to find out it really wasn't what they were into? and its possible at points in a gay mans life he may be a bit interested in messing around with a girl for a bit. Our society makes it out to be too big of a deal instead of facing the truth head on.... We are sexual beings, no matter what we will always have curiosity, you explored both sexualities, and its really only you that knows who your attracted too. its possible that its HOCD
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Avatar_m_tn
You experienced what everyone else experienced growing up, sexual discovery trying out different things even for a one time occasion. Would you find it so hard to believe that men that are homosexual had intercourse with women at first only to find out it really wasn't what they were into? and its possible at points in a gay mans life he may be a bit interested in messing around with a girl for a bit. Our society makes it out to be too big of a deal instead of facing the truth head on.... We are sexual beings, no matter what we will always have curiosity, you explored both sexualities, and its really only you that knows who your attracted too, which is women. Its More Likely that its HOCD my friend.

People do not Spontaneously turn gay. ever.
People who are gay, WANT a relationship with a member of the same-sex
its very possible that anxiety is effecting your lombido, high stress and anxiety can lead to low sexual desire. See a therapist. Don't worry about your sex life. Anxiety increases your heart rate right? Well increase heart rate is also an increase of blood flow to the penis, which might cause it to go somewhat erect. also you know when you tell yourself not to thing of something and you think of it anyways it might be the same story with your anxiety directed towards becoming erect at the sight of gay porn or men
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Avatar_m_tn
some please help me..
i am 18 now.. n i am having the same problem..
i masturbate for the gay porn.Once I slept with a gay friend and aroused by him.
When we slept we just had masturbating but nothing else and even i hate to do anything else.
Am i a gay or its HOCD..
please help me.. i am scared
!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
some please help me..
i am 18 now.. n i am having the same problem..
i masturbate for the gay porn.Once I slept with a gay friend and aroused by him.
When we slept we just had masturbating but nothing else and even i hate to do anything else.
Am i a gay or its HOCD..
please help me.. i am scared
!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey guys and girls I need ur help. I think I have HOCD or hope i do. I'm 27 and have only ever been with girls my whole life. I have been with over 10 different female partners and I'm currently engaged and am looking forward to getting married. When I was 21 I was watching tv when a question popped up are u gay? That's when I first started doubting my sexual preference. Since then it has come and gone about 3 or 4 times with each time lasting about a few months but passing. However each time it comes on and is tougher and tougher to deal with and in my current state I'm very depressed. When I'm not going through these hard times life is great im only ever attracted to women and beside the old male who I will admit is good looking there is no attraction. I love my sex life and half always gotten off from girls. However when I go through these episode I find myself comparing males with females with some times I'm finding myself more attracted to males. I then try and vision being with males but can't as it makes me feel a little sick( I have nothing against gay ppl) but also during these times I have trouble having vision about being with females. I keep telling myself in not gay but that doesn't seem to help, I try to masterbate over females and I get hard and get off but again does not help the overall picture. This time something different has happened where I actually feel sick not sure if it's cause of the anxcity but a voice keeps telling me it's cause I'm turning gay. I really need ur help I just need tips to make it stop or indeed if should seek help. Im also want to tell
My partner but not sure if that's a good idea.
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You want to tell your partner because you think that will bring some kind of closure.  We are always seeking the "it's okay, that's not you" thing from people.  I mean if I call my husband and say check the iron, well if he didn't check it and the house burns down...it's his fault now.  Pretty stupid thinking I know.  So I don't do it.  

Since you have been battling this thought for what looks like 6 years, I think it is time to see a therapist to get a formal diagnosis if it is OCD and then they can help you deal with this thought and any others that may come up.  It has probably come and gone depending on the amount of stress in your life and even when you are engaged to the woman of your dreams there is unconscious stress and that may be playing a role again as to why this thought has come back.

Call a psychologist that specializes in OCD and CBT.  Get the diagnosis and the help.  You can simply tell your fiance that you think you have OCD and that you want to get confirmation.  If she asks questions, then tell her you "what-if" things and blow them out of proportion and just need some help getting out of this cycle of thinking.  

Take care.  
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Avatar_n_tn
Hey its me back after all these years.

I am no longer affected by this problem and the person who has hit the nail on the head is tempkj.

He is spot on, the key to stop being scared of being gay is to understand what it is to actually be gay and what that actually encompasses and if it really does relate to you.  This was my method, I dont hate gay people but I was afraid of the whole concept of homosexuality and what it actually entails and I set out to understand it, in doing that I knew I was straight.  What people fear is the unknown and until you can understand what you are afraid of there is no-way you can quit worrying.  

The fear I had was that I was turning gay and was going to lose myself in the process, I thought what will people say, think or feel about me now.  I was looking upon homosexuality as a bad thing I guess, as modern society teaches you to be.

I read a lot of peoples gay storys, coming out, accepting, trials, tribulations, feelings emotions, I then translated it agaisnt my own life and realised that I was infact a straight guy as I didn’t have the homosexual shall we say requirements i.e desire of same sex in both the physical and emotional aspect.  My desire was and always had been for a girl, but I was stressing about something I had experienced and knew nothing about.  As we are naturally taught that its wrong, the quicker you learn it isn't, the faster the fog lifts.

But now I am totally content in myself and have no issues with it anymore.

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