Hocd help, (female with hocd hopefully!)

[Sweetheartgirl]

Hey guys I'm 20 years old, I've always been a girly girl I still am I have a boyfriend that I'm serious about I've always had crushes on boys ever since I can remember. I was never really supportive towards gay people or trangenders or anything like that but I have nothing against then I'm not homophobic or anything. I've had many boyfriend and slept with about 6 guys in total and I enjoyed everything about it. I've always dreamed about getting married to a guy and have a family, I always get excited and happy when my bf comes to see me but lately I have been feeling emotionless. About 2/3 ago I started having gay thoughts that I just couldn't stop. They made me really scarred and I would stop eating and puke up whenever I thought of becoming gay, I would sleep foe about 4 hours I would have gay Dreams and They scarred me even more because Why on earth would I have gay dreams? And that made me think I'm gonna become gay or Maybe I'm just a gay person in denial I swear to God I would rather die than be gay

[Sweetheartgirl]

but if I didn't then Why did I do all of the things that I've done I fell so uncomfortable with that thought it makes me literally puke up

[Sweetheartgirl]

if I'm not a lesbian wth did I watch it n get aroused by it I never questioned my sexuality I don't wanna be a lesbian or bi I want to feel straight again please please help me
I enjoyed makes attention before this kicked in I enjoyed my boyfriends company I never liked girl in that way never never ever thought about. It until now I was proud to be straight always found gay people disgusting in a way. My boyfriend used to make me soooo happy now I don't even enjoy his company as much. Does that really mean I have some lesbian desires within me??  I swear to God I don't, wanna be a lesbian!!

[Sweetheartgirl]

don't want to be one I don't wanna live like this but people online said that porns opens your eyes to what u truly like but I don't like it o would never watch it again but it's hunting me down.

[Sweetheartgirl]

Please help me I'm going insane I cant sleep or eat and my appointment is next week I believed thatit was hocd but when I think about watching so much lesbian porn and the dreams and when I thought of leabian porn while I was having sex with my boyfriend it happened once or twice, that definitely means I'm a lesbian but I never know until I watched porn omg

[Sweetheartgirl]

Please help me I'm going insane I cant sleep or eat and my appointment is next week I believed thatit was hocd but when I think about watching so much lesbian porn and the dreams and when I thought of leabian porn while I was having sex with my boyfriend it happened once or twice, that definitely means I'm a lesbian but I never know until I watched porn omg

[Sweetheartgirl]

Sorry for asking you so many questions but do you still think I've hotgot hocd even after what I just said?  

[123tushar07]

you don't have to live with medicines for your life, psychiatrists generally reduce medicine as situation improves and finally stop it.Yes ocd can come back but you can tackle it either with skills learnt in therapy or if you need you can take medicines, so its not like that once you are diagnosed with ocd you will have to take medicines for your life.The best way to tackle ocd is with the combination of medicines and therapy.

[Sweetheartgirl]

I was all okay last night when u said I have hold but when I woke up I remembered that I once or twice imagined lesbian porn when I was having sex with my boyfriend and I had lesbian dreams before I even had hocd but I never wanted to be with a girl in real life I'm doubting that I even have hocd anymore I feel so hopeless I don't wanna be gay I really don't but then my mind is telling me thats how Iam ever since I discovered porn

[Sweetheartgirl]

And one more thing does that mean I'm gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life?  And be on medications for the rest of my life too?

[Sweetheartgirl]

Thank u so much I will take your advice

[123tushar07]

you have hocd, ocd generally gets triggered by some stressful event ,it comes vary randomly and the questions which come in our mind due to ocd look very normal but you can't find answer to them because they are irrational in nature.

The solution for ocd is medicine and cognitive behavior therapy so i think you need to consult a psychiatrist.

[Sweetheartgirl]

And one more thing I watched gay and lesbian porn n I when my hocd kicked in lesbian porn started to fight against me n made me think if I'm not a lesbian Why on earth did I. Watch lesbian porn and enjoyed it but I always felt disgusted after. Watching it and I find lesbian sad disgusting in real life no offense