Aa
Hocd?
Hey, I'm a 15 year old girl and I constantly have these terrible thoughts lingering in my mind. Now I've always been straight and I love boys, trust me. I've dated boys before and I've actually fallen head over heels for my old best friend, John. Now I haven't dated since 7th grade and I'm now in 11th grade and I don't talk to boys a lot because I'm nervous but I make friends with them easily and I think so many boys at my school are cute. But about 3 weeks ago, this girl in my class called me cute and my friend said "she's straight" and the girl replied with "Well that could change." And then it hit me, can it? I started thinking about it and it freaked me out and I know that I am truly straight. I can't even pretend to be gay, my friend holds my hand and it makes me uncomfortable so I stop. I always knew I was straight & I didn't go through the phase that a lot if the kids my age went through, where everyone was "bi." I thought I had to fit in in 6th grade so I got dared to kiss a girl and she shoved her tongue down my throat and I pushed her and starte crying. But now these thoughts keep popping up like "did you actually dislike that kiss?" And I know I did! But everyday I struggle with these terrible thoughts and I start to cry and I talk to my mom and she always gets mad so I don't like to bring it up. I have a feeling it's hocd but I don't know what to do. Will it just go away? I mean I know I'm not a lesbian or bi and I've always dreamed of marrying a man and having a cute little family and I think guys are hot and their bodies are like akfnosbdow. And I never ever ever want to act upon these thoughts and experiment bc I think it's weird and disturbing (I have nothing against gays). But I need help, please can you guys explain what I should do? I know I'm not gay and I never ever want to be and I never will be but my mind accepts that and then repeatedly circles back like a cycle and asks the reoccurring question. Sorry for this long post, but please can someone help?
Thank you guys so much! Ill try and speak to my mom about going to a specialist. You helped a lot!
Hi there,
I had the exact same thing. It started when I was 18 (a bit later than you) at a party after I had a lot to drink. At first I was freaked out, because I always felt straight, but for some reason all of a sudden (from one day to another) I was having these thoughts that I may be gay, that that I am enjoying it when that guy looks at me (I am a male btw). At the same time while I had that thought, I would get sad that I had it, and also I would kind of shiver at the thought (literally). The number of thoughts increased considerably over the next few weeks, until I was forced to go to a psychiatrist. That was when I was diagnosed with severe OCD. I started medication and CBT therapy. It took me two years to get out of that phase of ocd (some people call it homophobic ocd, its very common). During therapy I understood that OCD is both a chemical disorder (my mind has less serotonin than usual) as well as a psychological disorder in the sense that it comes from how your character/fears/etc formed throughout your life. Basically I was so afraid of being gay, that just the thought of it would make me sad, and this cycle increased and increased. The turning point for me was when my therapist told me "if you were really gay you would not be scared of it, you would feel good that you are accepting to yourself that you are gay". I was scared ******** of it, and that made a lot of sense. So with therapy, pills and all that it slowly went. OCD is a chronic disease unfortunately and so my mind quickly started obsessing about other stuff (which I am still combating, quite successfully, till today, 10 years later).
Take this seriously please, go to a psychiatrist (even better a CBT specialist), and ensure that you understand the disorder as soon as possible. The more time you give it, the worse it becomes. Also knowledge about the disorder really helps both you and your support system (family, friends etc). OCD is very common, yet very hidden, so don't feel different. Just like other people are born diabetics, others are born with OCD (ocd is genetic, though it can trigger itself later on in life like in my case). The faster you accept it, the faster you can manage it.
Good luck. And ask any questions if you have any, I will be glad to answer from my experience.
I had the exact same thing. It started when I was 18 (a bit later than you) at a party after I had a lot to drink. At first I was freaked out, because I always felt straight, but for some reason all of a sudden (from one day to another) I was having these thoughts that I may be gay, that that I am enjoying it when that guy looks at me (I am a male btw). At the same time while I had that thought, I would get sad that I had it, and also I would kind of shiver at the thought (literally). The number of thoughts increased considerably over the next few weeks, until I was forced to go to a psychiatrist. That was when I was diagnosed with severe OCD. I started medication and CBT therapy. It took me two years to get out of that phase of ocd (some people call it homophobic ocd, its very common). During therapy I understood that OCD is both a chemical disorder (my mind has less serotonin than usual) as well as a psychological disorder in the sense that it comes from how your character/fears/etc formed throughout your life. Basically I was so afraid of being gay, that just the thought of it would make me sad, and this cycle increased and increased. The turning point for me was when my therapist told me "if you were really gay you would not be scared of it, you would feel good that you are accepting to yourself that you are gay". I was scared ******** of it, and that made a lot of sense. So with therapy, pills and all that it slowly went. OCD is a chronic disease unfortunately and so my mind quickly started obsessing about other stuff (which I am still combating, quite successfully, till today, 10 years later).
Take this seriously please, go to a psychiatrist (even better a CBT specialist), and ensure that you understand the disorder as soon as possible. The more time you give it, the worse it becomes. Also knowledge about the disorder really helps both you and your support system (family, friends etc). OCD is very common, yet very hidden, so don't feel different. Just like other people are born diabetics, others are born with OCD (ocd is genetic, though it can trigger itself later on in life like in my case). The faster you accept it, the faster you can manage it.
Good luck. And ask any questions if you have any, I will be glad to answer from my experience.
HOCD is a form of irrational thinking which is of course is one of the hallmarks of OCD. Have your mother read this article.
http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article
The reality is that your mother gets mad because she doesn't understand OCD. It is a common reaction. She needs to get a bit more educated about it so that she can be supportive of you because I agree with 123 above in that you need to see a psychologist.
What you don't want to get into is "testing" and "avoiding". Both of these things just keep you in the OCD loop. Better to learn CBT now so that you can help yourself before this gets any worse.
Good luck and do keep us posted on your progress.
http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article
The reality is that your mother gets mad because she doesn't understand OCD. It is a common reaction. She needs to get a bit more educated about it so that she can be supportive of you because I agree with 123 above in that you need to see a psychologist.
What you don't want to get into is "testing" and "avoiding". Both of these things just keep you in the OCD loop. Better to learn CBT now so that you can help yourself before this gets any worse.
Good luck and do keep us posted on your progress.
definitely this is ocd, its hocd at this moment but it can change or remain same, it wont go away on its own, it may happen that ur symptoms subside after sometime because ocd comes in cycles, but after some time again u will have some other or same type of ocd. until u seek treatment this will go on and off.
ocd cant be cured, but can be managed, best treatment in ocd is cognitive behavior therapy, its main component is exposures that u have to expose urself to situations which trigger anxiety, medicines help very much, but they take time to give results, if u lie completely on medicines it may happen that after taking them for a long time like 6 months or a year, u will become symptom free but once u stop them ocd symptom will return, the effects of medicines dont last longer, but the effects of therapy last long and they give u skills to fight with ocd
my suggestion is to u take help from a pychiatrist and pychologist, u will get better for sure
ocd cant be cured, but can be managed, best treatment in ocd is cognitive behavior therapy, its main component is exposures that u have to expose urself to situations which trigger anxiety, medicines help very much, but they take time to give results, if u lie completely on medicines it may happen that after taking them for a long time like 6 months or a year, u will become symptom free but once u stop them ocd symptom will return, the effects of medicines dont last longer, but the effects of therapy last long and they give u skills to fight with ocd
my suggestion is to u take help from a pychiatrist and pychologist, u will get better for sure
One more thing to add on, now I always get freaked out when someone says the word gay & I avoid looking at girls. I've never looked at a girl and thought she was sexually attractive. But now I feel like when I do look at one, that will change. I don't like girls & I never ever want to. HELP!
And also, I went to the doctor because I have terrible cramps and stomach pains and she thinks it's from panic attacks that I have & anxiety. Whenever I think of this, I always get the worst stomach pain and feel like I have to puke.
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