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How come I just can't walk away from an argument?
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How come I just can't walk away from an argument?

I don't know what I have- OCD, Bi-polar, or just being the adult child of an alcoholic.  But every time I get into a dramatic argument or fight with my ex- boyfriend, I can't walk away from the conversation.  

I won't let him leave the conversation when things get heated... I'll do anything to keep him on the phone.  Him saying, "Let's talk about this later," or "I have to go," are very, extremely upsetting to me.  I will talk to him for hours if need be... and it has actually led to us breaking up after four years of getting together.

I've threatened to come over to his house to continue these conversations.... and do anything in my power to keep them going.  Why can't I just walk away?  It's a habit I developed with my alcoholic father growing up... and now I worry it has pushed my ex-boyfriend away forever.

Help me!

1) Why do I do this?
2) How do I stop?
3) How do I prove to my ex that I can be healthy in this area if he is now trying to avoid all conversations with me?

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2 Comments Post a Comment
1311328 tn?1273669292
I am Sorry to hear You are going through this difficult time and I am glad that You have decided to speak with someone about this.
It is hard for Anyone to diagnose Your condition and comment on Your Medical History without being a Medical professional.
It seems as though You really love Your ex and want to be with him and at the same time You fear losing him.
Is the reason You keep him on the phone due to a fear of losing the relationship?
It May help you to seek advice from someone experienced in dealing with related problems. There could be numerous reasons for Your doing this and it is really hard to know how to stop it without knowing why it is happening. A answer must come before a solution the same as a diagnosis before a treatment.
Maybe by seeking help it will help Your ex realise You do want this to work and You're trying to seek help for this and that You recognise it is a problem.
I wish You the best of luck
Avatar f tn
Do you do this with other people as well or just your partner??????

I use to be the same way before I started on OCD med's. I call it Compulsive debating my dad and my sister have the same problem as well but my sister is narsisitic and my dad is alcoholic.

I did this with anyone and still get an intence need to argue with people still. I crave answer's..............I cant stand secrect's my fear of secrect got so bad that I use to start arguments in hopes of them getting them angry enough that they told me...............I still can stand to be around people who gosip cause they may be gosping about me and not saying it to my face. I'd rather have them being mean to me to my face than have them talking about me behind my back. I have serious obsessions about social situation and the silent social rules that make it hard me to fit in. I cant deal with lieing, pretending, fiction, to the point that even trying to read a ficton book feel wrong to me. Telling people I'm busy if I dont want to spend time with them feel like a really bad thing to do. hearing people tell social lie's really set my obsessing off and when obsessing starts I start getting a feeling that I call RAR. RAR is a feeling that I'm about to tell the person exactly what I'm thinking in my head with out any regard for there feeling's. If I like the person I try so hard NOT to RAR but it was imposable before meds and therapy. It still feel hard some day but I have noticed that when I I do RAR it not so bad any more. I can cut the conversation off way before it gets out of hand. I'm still scared to see them again cause I think I'm a danger to them but I'm getting better at that fear as well now.

So is it only with your partner????????????????
Either way you should talk to someone if you realy dont want to do what your doing seeking help is always the best way to deal with it.

Do you have any fear's that you feel are behind the arguing. You may even be like me I use to fight with my partner to test him in the begining fue years I needed to know he loved me no matter what. I needed to kow he would not hit me or get violent in any way. I was scared to let my self be happy. Once I relised this I made an effort yo let my self be happy with my partner and my debating got better with my partner but it continued with other people
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