I have HOCD and anxiaty really really need help.

I am convinced I have HOCD. A week a go I started thinking I was gay and couldnt stop thinking about for anything. I had unwant sex thoughts about almost every dude I see and was grossed out about it. I kept checking the same 3 gay porn pics every hour. Not for sexual urge. I did it to gross my self out and tell my seff Im not atracted to it. I was kinda of grossed out and gaged a few times looking at em and it felt akward looking at them. But I felt like I could attracted to it slightly and it freaked me out. Then I kept looking at them to see if I could gett aroused and see if I was actualy attracted to it. It stressed me out the first few days. I couldnt eat and im always hungry, lost intrest in my hobbies alls I cared about was proving to myself im not gay and forgeting this whole thing. My labido was destroyed to the point I didnt know what to find attracteive I jerked of to woman constantly but found it harder to get aroused and get erect. Before this whole thing I was obsesed with losing my virginity. I would imagine my self cuddling with a girl to put my self asleep at night. I beilve I have social anxiety I an overwhelming fear would take over. I could only mumble a few words. Only people I felt comfortable talking to adults and and nerds. It made it impossiable to talk to girls and all the girls I liked thought I was weird cause I was quite. I had a little addiction to porn could go two days with out it. I only liked female masturbation and lesbian porn. Never really liked to see guys. Please help me its like wont mentaly accept im straight. What should I do and what triggerd this. Am I actually gay. With paxil help.

[Julie359]

Can i ask, as a bisexual woman, what would be so terrible if u did indeed discover you were infact gay or bisexual? Is it you feel other people would not accept you, or they would think you were a disgusting, freak of nature?

Being attracted to the same sex can be very confusing and your testing urself because maybe you saw a male who aroused the feelings inside you and this started this thinking pattern.  Although let me tell you it is normal for a guy to see another guy and think he is handsome but he is not gay.  I think each and every person has some attraction to the opposite sex but it depends on the desire to react on it.  So it really all depends on ur desire to how much you want to react to your inner attraction to guys.

The one thing i should say though is no matter what you come up with, you should never feel digusted or embarassed by your sexualilty, this is who you are and embrace it and live life with no regrets.  If you do decide your attracted to guys please don't try to push it deep within you and ignore it and hope it will go away,cause then the only person you will be hurting is yourself.... be true to who you are and you will be fine.

[Julie359]

ps.... no drug will cure being gay!!! not even the wonder drug Paxil....