I am 18 years old and i always have been attracted to guys i use to fall so hard for guys when i was younger and dream about meeting the perfect one. My friends always use to say to me "you're the straightest person i ever met" because i even hated hugging a girl not that im against gays i just felt uncomfortable myself being any sort of closeness with a girl i was straight and i knew i was for the past 18 years. Then a about 6 months ago one of my close friends came out of the closet and i was cool with it and helped her find other girls and so on. Ive been surrounded lately by her being close with other girls and telling me sex stories and it never ever bothered me until one day i just got this thought in my head "what if i was curious about doing that" then all these thoughts poured in saying im gay "what if im gay"..."what if im only realising now" i had anxiety so bad for about 2 months i even fainted in town i was so nervous over it, It affected my relationship with my boyfriend and everything i just could not get these thoughts out of my head. Then i would have moments of peace where i knew i was straight because i always were and then something in my head would twist to tell me im not. It's been going on for so long now i almost feel like its making me not feel excitment for guys anymore :( and i just really want it to go away please does anyone have advice?
I'm also suffering from HOCD, at least I think so. See? That's some of the doubt it can give. My entire life I've only been interested in girls and fallen in love with girls, but for some reason I saw something or heard something and the thought popped into my head, "Hey? What if you're gay?" And it keeps on repeating that cycle through my head.
I know exactly how you feel, it's disgusting. Having these intrusive thoughts that you don't even want or like... I don't really know what to do myself. I'm going to go see a therapist and a psychologist.
The only advice that I can give is that this is fake! This isn't you. You didn't always have these thoughts and feelings, and eventually they will go away. I don't know how to deal with it myself, but that's what I tell myself. Good luck, I'm here if you want to talk.
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