I think I have hocd, but feel like I'm in denial.

[Cah082803]

Well it all started when I was 12 when I started masturbating, I always did it to porn, and loved it, even before I started I always watched just plain porn, then I started as weird as this sounds fantasizing about getting f-Ed by a dude and had an obsession with someone fing me but I didn't really care cuz in real life I always wanted to be with a girl, but I started haveing this feeling everytime and I questioned if I was gay. Still when I saw girls I was turned on and outside of masturbation never felt for guys. Then recently I've saw something called hocd and I thought that was it. But now I feel like I'm gay and will never be the same, but I used to always love girls, and I still do romantically, but everytime I see them I feel that I am gay and thoughts bring back up and I want to be f-Ed. After masturbating I would always feel guilty and really wanted to be with a chick afterwards.