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Avatar universal

I'm back

I used to frequent this board and offer advice to people because I was in a better place with my OCD and thought that I could do more good by giving the advice rather than taking it.

Well, over the past few months, my OCD has gotten worse. Its to the point where it seems like it gets worse every day. There's always something out there for me to fixate on and scare myself.

My worst fears are blood and contracting hepatitis.

Anyone else out there going through the same type of OCD as me that wants to chat?
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Avatar universal
I don't even know what happened to you BUT I know I could top any story you have got with a way more embarrassing one. LOL    I remember clearly the day I finally let it out to my shrink...You just gotta make up your mind that you are going to do it and slowly with each word a little more and a little more comes out.....Would I rather live in quiet desperation for the rest of my life?????????? OR Let it out scream it at the top of my lungs to anyone that will listen..I have really been blessed to have a great husband and he is my bestfriend. He makes me laugh he makes me more crazy sometimes i think but most importantly he gives me strength and there is strength in a relationship with your shrink....make them your bestfriend, your diary. We are all held back by fear and embarrasment and that is exactly what stops us from seeing a shrink and getting better. That is why there are so many of us suffering still...We are so caught up and lost in our little worlds and fear letting anyone into it.....I challenge anyone that reads this post to be a warrior of your freedom your health and your sanity and break free from your invisible chains.
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Avatar universal
thank you, with_hope, easier said than done but i will take any last bit of strength i have left and try to work towards killing this monster inside my head.
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Avatar universal
Make sure you ask if the Psychiatrist is trained in treating people with OCD. You can waste a lot of your valuable time and energy talking to a DR. and just get a blank stare back lol you know or get yourself really discouraged and think you'll never get better. Going into an appointment with someone you know is trained and experienced treating people just like you can really give you a confidence boost and encourage you to really let go and let it all out. Really don't waste time and hold back. You wouldn't believe some of the embarrassing things I have told to my shrink. You will never get better if you don't allow them inside your head, in your crazy lil world ya know so they can challenge your thoughts. It's very empowering to stand up and face your fears, butt heads with it and squash it down.  Took me a long time and many Dr.'s before I finally got the courage to do it.  And you have to stick with it don't ever give up it takes a lot of consistancy and will power and strength. You know we have strength to have to live the way we do. You will never be a "normal person" whatever normal really is...you just gotta suck it up and fight and never stop......Laugh in the face of your fears..
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Avatar universal
also are only certain trained psychiatrists or whatever able to do cognitive behavioral therapy? i think mine is just going to be straight on talking sessions
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Avatar universal
i just feel that if i start off by what happened last night ill always be embarrassed and feel like the therapist is judging me
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1699033 tn?1514113133
Make sure you get it all out on the table.  Don't hold anything back.  Remember, these people have heard it all.  There is nothing you can say that will be a surprise to them.  I really hope they can help you.  No, I take that back.  I KNOW you can be helped so keep a positive attitude.  
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Avatar universal
oh man, last night I think I really hit rock bottom with my paranoia.

its embarrassing to say what I did, but aklsdjflsd just needed to come on here and say that I really hope therapy that I am starting tonight will help otherwise I just don't know.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
Your life is obviously being ruled by your OCD and that is not something you have to live with.  So make sure the therapist is aware of the fact that your day-to-day living is disrupted by your irrational thoughts and that you need to find a way to be able to let these things go.  It can be done...I am proof of that.  I understand that you didn't like the weight gain side effects of the Zoloft but didn't you feel better while you were on it?  If that is the case, then you really need to find a medication that does not have this side effect.  That is why I mentioned Wellbutrin.  
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Avatar universal
and you know what really *****? recently i read that there was a case where children contracted hepatitis after playing and eating things that fell on the carpet as kids often do because their mom was a paramedic and always wore her shoes inside the house (or something like that, might have been two different stories.)

anyways, now i'm TERRIFIED AND PARANOID of the ground. if anything falls on the ground I don't want to touch it. and i'm also afraid to even change my pants because I think that my feet are contaminated and the germs will get all over my legs when I take the pants off/put them back on.
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Avatar universal
okay will do thanks.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
I understand.  Since you are going to see your psychiatrist, why not mention Wellbutrin.  It is not an SSRI and frankly I was skeptical if it would work for me because in the past I took prozac.  But for me Wellbutrin works really well.  I do not have any weight gain while taking it.  Actually if anything, I sometimes wonder if it is a diet pill because I have not gained back the 12 pounds I lost when my anxiety struck and I've been eating!  So for some reason, this medication has taken care of my OCD/anxiety.  

Just a thought.  
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Avatar universal
Well, I was on Zoloft for almost a year and then I had an incident where I had to go to the emergency room and then have a weekend stay in our hospital's mental health unit. It was there they put me on Luvox and after that I gained so much weight.

I decided to just ween myself off of it without my doctor's permission (bad I idea, I know, I know) but I just couldn't deal with all the weight gain that was adding to my depression.

Anyways, I would really like to stay off of medication if I can, but I know that's probably not going to be an option for me which *****. I just hate dealing with side effects.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
Well, school presents a lot of stress so I'm not surprised that your OCD has kicked into overdriver.  Have you tried medication?  

Just a little about me so you know, I take Wellbutrin 300 mg XL every day and then 1 mg of klonopin at night to sleep.  I was medication free for quite a few years but stressors came into my life and I simply could not turn it around.  I was hopping from one thing to another.  My mind is never quiet anyway, there is an ever ongoing dialog in my head.  But on medication, I am not bothered by these things.  I can let things go and move forward with my day.  
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Avatar universal
Hand washing and showers are very critical for me. But, I have recently moved back to college in a diffferent dorm where the bathroom facilities are not as nice and now even taking a shower has become a horror for me.

I usually just drink a lot because when I get drunk, the OCD voice in head isn't as loud, you know? I know that's not a good solution, but with my OCD and depression, I'm just in a state where I don't care.

I am scheduled to start seeing a psychiatrist this week but I don't have any hope that that can help me.

Some days I just cry thinking about having to get out of bed and face the day.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
I'm sorry to see that you are back on the question side rather than the answer side :)  I am relatively new to MedHelp so I am starting off with a blank slate as far as your OCD goes other than your fears regarding blood and contracting hepatitis.  

And you are so right, everything around us is potential fuel for the fire that is OCD irrational thinking.  

So what do you do to help alleviate the anxiety that comes with the OCD?  
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